


The Chat of Me & My Friends

by AphTeavana



Series: Txt2Txt - ♡2♡ [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ADHD Lance (Voltron), Adopted Keith (Voltron), Allura (Voltron) Angst, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bilingual Adam (Voltron), Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Boys In Love, Coming Out, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Established Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Fibromyalgic Pidge (Voltron), Fluff and Crack, Gay Adam (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Gen, Hoe don't do it, Homosexual Pidge | Katie Holt, I will pepper in the fact that they (Adashi) are gay and in love and adopted Keith, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Kosmo (Voltron) Steals Rocks, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lesbian Romelle (Voltron), Light Angst, M/M, Married Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Matt (Voltron) Appears For A Total Of Five Seconds, No Homo, Oblivious Lance (Voltron), Oh My God, Past Allura/Lotor (Voltron), Pidge (Voltron) Angst, Pidge (Voltron) Has Fibromyalgia, Pidge and Shiro are in a Solidarity of Medical Pain, Pinning Keith (Voltron), Professor Adam (Voltron), Professor Coran (Voltron), Professor Shiro (Voltron), Texan Keith (Voltron), Tons and Tons of Garbage Memes ;), bc for some reason, but A/S had enough canon angst so, is not a tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2020-02-29 04:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18771523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AphTeavana/pseuds/AphTeavana
Summary: TheBladeStudiesMe: Did u not know thatTheBladeStudiesMe: Lance??[12:34 AM]Leggybutt: shut ur face face up KeithTheBladeStudiesMe: Wow, how eloquent. You sure you're not tired there? I mean it is past your bedtime, young man-Leggybutt: SHUT UR FACE UP KEITH!!!College life can be hard, and when you’re a disaster like these fools you’re bound to have an exciting time across all your chats. Just don't pay attention to the edgelords and dad jokes- Those friends are doing their best, okay?





	1. 867-5309 - Tommy Tutone

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy does that title sound cringy- But y'all best believe I'm not gonna let any embarrassment get in the way of this fun adventure! I was surprised to find how much fun this was to write and hurt to see that there's too few Text AUs - there's not even a tag for this format. Oh well, guess I'm fixing that!
> 
> *Side Note: I use the word queer (in a positive light) multiple times throughout the series so a warning for those with a squick to it. Feel free to critic or ask for stuff like tag changes, other "mentions of-", and reading accessibilities! I know I'm not the best with keeping up with stuff, but I am always willing to help make it so others can navigate better.
> 
> **Side Note: I have ADHD, am Cuban, am Aspec, and I've been recently diagnosed with Fibro! So, while these storylines might not match up with ur experiences, I can confirm that it's still relevant. <3

[Sunday, 3:47 PM]  
Leonardo Adolfo Espinosa De la Rosa-McWhyDidYouStopReadingThisIsMyName has started a group chat with Allofurhoes, HunkyDory, Keith Frickin' Habersberger, Pigetto, and Romellow.

Leonardo Adolfo Espinosa De la Rosa-McWhyDidYouStopReadingThisIsMyName has named this group chat Dummy Thicc.

Leonardo Adolfo Espinosa De la Rosa-McWhyDidYouStopReadingThisIsMyName has changed the background.

Leonardo: guessss-

Leonardo Adolfo Espinosa De la Rosa-McWhyDidYouStopReadingThisIsMyName has changed their name to Lancylance.

Lancylance: whoooo-

Pigetto: Finally got his replacement phone?

Lancylance: ;D

Allofurhoes: Why did we have to refriend u?

Lancylance: i forgot my password so i had to make a new account!

HunkyDory: Sigh

Keith: Why didn't you have the support service email it to you?

Lancylance: it was an old account that was on my old email that i don't use anymore but anywho-  
Lancylance: Keith for the love of GOD just friend me again

Keith: Nah

Lancylance: let me have a nICKNAME FOR U

Keith: It was a mistake to let u do it the first time  
Keith: And the second time

Lancylance: and the third and fourth and fifth and blah blah blah

Allofurhoes: Hey where's Coran and Shiro :(

Pigetto: Their accounts are on private

Lancylance: a suspicious motive for some suspicious men-

HunkyDory: No we just value our privacy u doorknob

Lancylance: that thing ur talking about??? doesn't exist

Keith: That ass u think u have? Doesn't exist

Lancylance: 911 i've been shot in the back

Allofurhoes: It hasn't even been two weeks and we've already broken our Roasting Lance sobriety

Pigetto: What can we say, it's an addicting adrenaline rush

Lancylance: you guys are fucking druggies- stop it get some help

Keith: Nah

HunkyDory: Lance now that you have a working phone again I'm deleting all these pictures you took on mine

Lancylance: awh  
Lancylance: send them to me first at least

HunkyDory: no

Lancylance: AWH

Lancylance has changed their name to SadLad.  
Pigetto has changed SadLad's name to Lancylance.

Lancylance: >:,(

Pigetto: In too much pain for this rn man, go cry in the tub like everyone else

Allofurhoes: U can change my name babe I need a new one anyways since we moved chats

Lancylance: :,O

Lancylance has changed Allofurhoes's name to White[youalways]Lion.

White[youalways]Lion: tysm uwu  
White[youalways]Lion: WAIT HOW HAVE I NEVER REALIZED THIS AMAZING PUN BEFORE

Lancylance: ur vewy welcome for de inwightwent uwu

Keith: Because you think Allofurhoes is a funny name

White[youalways]Lion: I WILL CUT U ITS A GREAT NAME KEITH "HABERSBERGER"

Lancylance: tying to pass off as a common white man smh

Pigetto: Literally how Allura, it's so basic

White[youalways]Lion: Cuz u all HOES

HunkyDory: What???? Even ME?

White[youalways]Lion: Yes

Pigetto: All of ur hoes, really?

Lancylance: no it's all of u r hoes

Keith: Wait WHAT

HunkyDory: Was it supposed to be that this entire time?????

White[youalways]Lion: Omg yes the entire time! Can't u guys read??

Pigetto: No sir, I'm illiterate

Keith: SINCE WHEN

Lancylance: since yo blind asses was born!

Keith: Fight me

Pigetto: dOnT bE fUcKiNg RuDe

Lancylance: Bite me

Keith: Absolutely not

White[youalways]Lion: Hey that handbag is Prada stop throwing it around!

HunkyDory: Damn I thought we were the hoes under ur control

White[youalways]Lion: Well ur not wrong

Pigetto: I thought it was the dom in u jumping out tbh

White[youalways]Lion: U r also not wrong

Lancylance: slay my princess

White[youalways]Lion: I don't have a sword Lonce how can I

Lancylance: use ur acrylic nails bebé

White[youalways]Lion: gasp,,

HunkyDory: Don't u phucking dare.

Pigetto: Slay, queen, slay

Romellow: What have I just walked into

Keith: Hell

Lancylance: heavan  
Lancylance: lmao Keith no

HunkyDory: Sup Romelle

White[youalways]Lion: Waifu I'm gonna slay

Romellow: Slay what?

White[youalways]Lion: Uh..

Pigetto: The men

White[youalways]Lion: The men!

Lancylance: oh no-

Pigetto: Oh yes

HunkyDory: Pls don't I have a project due tomorrow

Romellow: Why get dirty doing that when u can watch movies

White[youalways]Lion: God ur so smart

Lancylance: Rom i just got the best idea ull love it

White[youalways]Lion: Oh no-

Romellow: I fully regret what I said and I'm truly sorry for speaking out. I'll never do it again.

HunkyDory: It's okay sis, we all are

Lancylance has changed Romellow's name to (Rom)elle(Com)elle.

Lancylance: how's this motherfucking tea

Pigetto: Awful, I really wish u wouldn't piss in it before serving it to us

Keith: U didn't need to give us that imagery

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh  
(Rom)elle(Com)elle: This is actually really cute! How did you do that?

Pigetto: It's okay Keef, we know u have a piss kink

Keith: Blocked.

White[youalways]Lion: Not even going to ask

HunkyDory: You're just admitting to it by doing that buddy

Lancylance: u can change any person's name in a group chat that u have in ur friend list by clicking the little three dots at the top

Keith: Double blocked. Bitch.

Lancylance: Keithyboy ur sounding v unconvincing about ur piss kink it's okay if u have one we know about it all already

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh my goodness I already know what I'm going to do to my brother: The Family Accident! :D

Keith: Triple blocked.  
Keith: Oh that's nice

HunkyDory: Lance how could u!!! Look at what u did!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Great u took the innocence of my waifu FUCK

Pigetto: I don't say this often because you're nowhere near the hero we need, but u are truly the one we deserve Lance

Lancylance: all in a day's work :,)

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Hehehe

HunkyDory: So how come I couldn't just have invited you to the old group chat? You know, the one with everyone already in it?

Lancylance: because it wouldn't have been as dramatic Hunk

White[youalways]Lion: Yea obv

Keith: It's because u wouldn't have been the chat leader anymore with ur new account isn't it

Lancylance: shut ur ugly mouth u don't fucking know me like that god Keith

Lancylance has changed the name of the chat to fuck Keith - He Has A MULLET.

Keith: Why is every first letter of each word capitalized except for fuck

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: You even capitalized the A

Lancylance has changed the name of the chat to Fuck I can't believe you've done this.

White[youalways]Lion: Mature af adult

Pigetto: And he would've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for that meddling emo

Keith: How's that for some motherfuckin' tea

Lancylance: grrr i'm not making u anymore capuchinos

HunkyDory: Gasp that's so sad I guess he'll have to give those extra ones to me from now on then oh no-

White[youalways]Lion: I will fight u for them Hunk don't u even lay a hand on them

Keith: Wait hold on Lance don't be so fuckin' hasty-

Lancylance: yeus~? >:3( u have smthing to say~?

Keith: I'm not supposed to be eating trash anyways

White[youalways]Lion: U ASSHOLE

HunkyDory: Keith how dare u

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Mmm what u saayyyyy

Pigetto: That u only meant wellllllll

White[youalways]Lion: Well of course u did mmm whatcha sayyyyy

HunkyDory: (Whatcha say, whatcha sayyyyy)

Keith: Are we a choir now??

Pigetto: Yes, it's required for the memes

Keith: U mean this meme that's like five years old by now?

Pigetto: Yea

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: That it's all for the bessssttttttttt-

White[youalways]Lion: Of course it is~

Keith: Lance are u still there

Lancylance: Yeah I'm still here

* * *

[Monday, 4:17 PM]  
Keith Frickin' Habersberger (not in your friend list) has requested a private chat with you.  
Accept or deny?  
Accepted.

Keith: Fuck you're upset I'm so sorry

Leonardo: It's cool you don't have to eat them if you don't like them  
Leonardo: I know it can be somewhat of an acquired taste

Keith: No I like them! I was just playing with you. I didn't mean anything by it, Lance.

Lancylance: I know  
Lancylance: I'm all good here Keithyboy

Keith: Yeah?

* * *

HunkyDory: U okay buddy?

Lancylance: yea i'm looking for a meme but i can't fffffing find it

Pigetto: Didn't u just change phones

Lancylance: oh yea that's prolly why  
Lancylance: in the arms oofff annn angell flllyyy awaaay and beeee frrreee

White[youalways]Lion: You sound drunk smh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Shouldn't the lack of photos have alarmed you?

HunkyDory: No it wouldn't.

Pigetto: Ha hahaaaaaaa

Lancylance: wellllllll  
Lancylance: [JPEG Image]

White[youalways]Lion: HOW DO YOU ALREADY HAVE OVER TWO HUNDRED PHOTOS ON YOUR PHONE YOU JUST GOT IT TODAY

HunkyDory: This is why I'm not sending him any of the ones he took on my phone

Lancylance: :3

White[youalways]Lion: IM HAVING A HEART ATTACK OMG HOW IN THE FUCK LONCE

HunkyDory: Yup

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: How can u possibly stand to have such a full gallery!

Pigetto: He doesn't, it drives him crazy

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: ?????????

Lancylance: it does i can never find anything and even my old starred folder was p hefty  
Lancylance: but i can't just rid of them! they're very precious to me flaws and all

White[youalways]Lion: That cannot be healthy babe- stop it get some help

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yes!! I agree!!

Pigetto: There's nothing wrong with holding onto what u love, it's human nature

Keith: You kept the locks of ur hair after you chopped it all off Pidge you are the nasty one here

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: wHAT

White[youalways]Lion: I'm sorry come again there Keith

Pigetto: Shut tf up Keith no one asked u, it was an ACCIDENT

Keith: I don't think keeping it in a tuberware container under ur sink to cry over it constitutes as an accident

Lancylance: IN A TUBERWARE- damn

Pigetto: Shut up I will knife u, Matt said I would look COOL

HunkyDory: They're both full blown horders but Lance has justified it because pictures don't take up physical space  
HunkyDory: Pidge on the other hand whew y'all should see her room

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: No thank you that's quite alright

White[youalways]Lion: Wtf are u gonna do when ur phone is full???

Pigetto: Fuck u Hunk I do what I want, hard drives can hold so much shit u don't even KNOW Allura

Keith: Won't the hard drives start taking up space tho??

Lancylance: Hard drive smard drive u ain't making me get rid of ANYTHING these are all my children

Pigetto: Damn straight

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: What the heck!!

White[youalways]Lion: I'm getting Shiro

Keith: Nooooo

HunkyDory: It's only right

Pigetto: U can't break me, I'm a Kim unstoppable force

Lancylance: u guys r such bullies smh when can we ever learn to all get along

White[youalways]Lion: Just wait until ur father gets home young man

Pigetto: Oh yea, and when's that

White[youalways]Lion: Whenever tf this bitch accepts my invite

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I seriously cannot understand how you can keep so many photos and then turn around and say you hate that you do it

Lancylance: it's a careful and intricate art

HunkyDory: By art he means the symptoms of EFD and OCD

Lancylance: don't expose me u bitch

White[youalways]Lion: I thot u were American

Lancylance: no i'm lesbian

Pigetto: What a train wreck

White[youalways]Lion has invited Shiro Labeouf to the chat.

Shiro: Honey, I'm home.

White[youalways]Lion: About time!

Lancylance: oh yes daddy  
Lancylance: love me some of that food kink~ 

Shiro Labeouf has left the chat.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Uh

HunkyDory: Great

Pigetto: I think that's ur fastest time yet, nice job man

White[youalways]Lion: I CA NOT BREATHE

Keith: Do I love or hate you.

Lancylance: that is the question  
Lancylance: whether tis nobler in the heart to yearn for the flirt and affection of a hetero fellow or to take the fight against his handsome countenance, and by opposing, end him.

Keith: That didn't answer my question I'm still confused

Pigetto: It's hella gay tho i like

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh I see now  
(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Lonce u were a theatre major in high school weren't u

White[youalways]Lion: SKSKSKSKSKS

Lancylance: yes i was and i'm going to take that as a compliment

HunkyDory: I think that would be best for everyone man

White[youalways]Lion has added Shiro Labeouf to the chat.

Keith: God damn it

Shiro: I'm waiting to see what Lance does first before I antagonize u

Lancylance: i'll behave  
Lancylance: just for now

Pigetto: As u always say

Shiro: Okay, I will... Maybe trust that. What am I here for again

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Lonce wanted to keep his title as chat leader

Lancylance: ur a fake friend too! unbelievable and after i gave u that snazzy name too smh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Sowwy

Lancylance: no it's too late

Pigetto: Drama queen

Lancylance: damn straight!

Shiro: Okay, so should I invite Adam?

Keith: No absolutely not

Pigetto: That's gay

Shiro: That's tfing point Pidge

White[youalways]Lion: Pidge ur face is gay

Pigetto: Nice.

Lancylance: my eyes r bleeding dad did u just say tfing

Shiro: Yea, deal with it bro

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Didn't u say fffffing earlier Lonce

Lancylance: only if u accept my friend request like a nice person would do :)

Keith: Shiro don't be a nice person

White[youalways]Lion: Don't anger the kitten waifu

Shiro: I will stop using tfing from this point forward.

Lancylance: >:(

Keith: Ha ha haha ha!

HunkyDory: You're gonna regret that Shiro

Lancylance: Rom shhhh u spill too many of my secrets! and Keithy u betta watch urself too i kmow where u two live

Shiro: I know but I'm used to it  
Shiro: So, I should stay and just delete the other group chat

Pigetto: Yea

Shiro: And lose my since of worth as ATackoShtand?

White[youalways]Lion: Shiro ur supposed to be the strong hot af father figure not a poorly planned pun! no hetero

Shiro: Sorry, what was that? I think my hearing is off today can u say it again? I didn't quite catch it

Keith: She said no hetero u old wrinkly man

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Come again? My ears don't work quite as they used to sonny

Lancylance: NO HETERO ROMELLE! i forgot about that one lmao

Pigetto: How do we always come back to this point, this place of abomination

HunkyDory: Like this Pidge watch closely- No hetero but women are v soft and hug shaped

Lancylance: no hetero but women? hot and gorgeous queens all of them i'm in love

Keith: No hetero but women are only ever assholes for legitimately good reasons

Shiro: No hetero but every woman I've meet is a badass including when Romelle can defect the trash that is western culture

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: !!!!! <333

White[youalways]Lion: Don't make me cryyyy guys my mascara is weak

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: No hetero but all my men in this chat have been nothing short of exceptional since the day I've met them

Lancylance: awhhh

Keith: no u

HunkyDory: <333

Shiro: uwu

White[youalways]Lion: No hetero but guys are very cute when they come up to u all soft n shyly ask for something like ur help or a hug and they do the lil hair finger thingie with embarrassed smiles and it's Keith I'm mostly talking about Keith but the rest of y'all do it too u guys ain't slick ure all so adorable

Keith: Don't expose me Allura god

White[youalways]Lion: I will always expose u whenever I say u need it

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Pidge ur turn!!

Pigetto: Fffffine, god

Pigetto: No hetero, but the fact that u guys can piss standing up is really fucking cool

Shiro: Hell yeah it is!

HunkyDory: This got so fluffy my heart is going to burst!

Lancylance: don't u dare cry if u cry i'll start crying and it'll be a whole mess

Pigetto: Gross

Lancylance: i will use u as my tissue and that's a threat

Pigetto: GROSS

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: And I will join him :)

Pigetto: OH NO

White[youalways]Lion: Oh yes

Shiro: Ah yes the human sacrifice :)

Pigetto: W H A T I'm sorry W H A T bitch W H A T

HunkyDory: Awhh guys I'm down for the inevitable group bear hug! :3

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Me too! Count me in as well :3

Keith: Pidge u should really start running

Shiro: Don't worry Keith. You'll be there with her too :)

Keith: OH NO

Lancylance: oh yes >:)

White[youalways]Lion: Huehuehue survival of the fittest

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Bye bye it was nice knowing you guys! :)

Keith: rOmElLe-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: It's okay Keith,,, I'm only leaving the chat because I have homework to do :)

Pigetto: THATS A THREAT THAYS A THREAT KEITH RUN RUN AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN

Keith: I'm five steps ahead of u i jumped the fuckin' balcony

White[youalways]Lion: Gd u fucking athlete slay

HunkyDory: That's too bad then :)

Lancylance: Next time then :)

Pigetto: Jamakznakajnajaja

Shiro: There's always a next time Keith :)

* * *

[Sunday, 4:54 PM]

Keith: Lance?

Lancylance: yea always i'm not ur cool ninja sharpshooter for nothing man

Keith: Cool very cool  
Keith: Always cool Lance

Lancylance: always dude

Keith: Cool

Lancylance: nice 

Keith: Awesome 

* * *

[Sunday, 6:30 PM]  
White[youalways]Lion has invited Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe to the chat.

Coran: I would like to ask what happened but I don't think much has gone on without me as per usual.

Lancylance has changed Coran's name to GorgeousMan.

GorgeousMan: You have always been my favourite for a reason my boy.

Lancylance: :D

Pigetto: U fucking suck up

Lancylance: yea well u suck down

White[youalways]Lion: Coran how could u

Pigetto: That doesn't even-

GorgeousMan: Easy. He helps me clean my classroom!

Lancylance: uwu

GorgeousMan: UwU

White[youalways]Lion: Fuck that that always breaks my nails

Pigetto: ssssssuuuucccckkkk uuuuppp

Lancylance: I can't deny it ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Man I love it when things actually follow the coding you input  
> AO3 Processor: Would be a shame if someone,,, ruined that for u ;)


	2. 634-5789 - Wilson Pickett

[Monday, 6:37 PM]

Pigetto: [PNG Image]  
Pigetto: He's done, it only took ignoring the teachers for the entire day but he's finally done

Lancylance: niño!

HunkyDory: a BOY!

GorgeousMan: A nice young man!

White[youalways]Lion: You've made a perfectly good boi!!! Look at him- he's got happiness now!

Pigetto: Thank you so much guys, all those little smears of lighting detail have permanently damaged the nerves in the muscles of my small small hand :)

HunkyDory: Oh no!

GorgeousMan: I'm sorry about that number five! Hopefully it's not as permanent as you think.

Lancylance: may i send a cute thingie to cheer ur mood?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Suspicion.

Pigetto: Yes, please do

Lancylance: [URL Link]

GorgeousMan: What's that you have there Lance.

Lancylance: like, nice calm music man

HunkyDory: It is absolutely not

Keith: You motherFUCKER what the FUCK

Shiro: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU RICKROLLED US AGAIN LANCE SERIOUSLY

GorgeousMan: Ah, I see Lance. Very nice and calming indeed.

Lancylance: both of you this time huh? honestly u guys are getting slow

White[youalways]Lion: You guys deserved that and so much more

HunkyDory: Oh deary me

Pigetto: Hey that did make me feel better, grassy ass Lance! :)

Lancylance: de nada pidgey ;D

Keith: I hate both of you so much rn

GorgeousMan: Well, you should have seen that from a mile away Keith! We all know Lance by now.

White[youalways]Lion: Unfortunately lmao

Lancylance: yea!! don't click anything i send u keithyboi it's rule numero uno

Pigetto: Now wait a minute, don't teach them common sense

Shiro: :,(

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I...

White[youalways]Lion: Gasp-

HunkyDory: Did he get u too?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yeah...

Lancylance: nice hen hen hen

White[youalways]Lion: Ur a cruel man Mr McPain how could u do that to my wife

Lancylance: oh of course u'd change sides at the drop of Rom's pan-

White[youalways]Lion: Rom's what Lonce

Lancylance: nothing ur just a hetero anyways

GorgeousMan: My god Lance!

White[youalways]Lion: Cover ur eyes Coran this is about to get ugly

HunkyDory: Lance oml don't stroke the fire

Keith: Lance's entire fist is inside the fire

Pigetto: Smh guys, fifth fite this week

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I know my lesbian powers are strong but dang Allura calm urself it's all good no need to fite for my honor

White[youalways]Lion: I'd do anything for u my waifu

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ok  
(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'm taking the kids to cochella without u this weekend is that cool

Lancylance: oh-

White[youalways]Lion: That's.  
White[youalways]Lion: fffffINE-

Keith: Oh snap Rom-

GorgeousMan: Well, that is unfortunate!

Pigetto: I spit my coffee everywhere, Allura ur strong af god bless

White[youalways]Lion: I'm fINE :,)

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: ùwú

Lancylance: i'll get the chai tea-

HunkyDory: I'll make the ice cream-

GorgeousMan: I have your childhood friend, Mr Stuffy!

White[youalways]Lion: Ty ty ily three

Lancylance: ily2 uwu more than ur fake af wifu

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: >:(

Pigetto: Don't say that, you're gonna start an actual cat fight-

HunkyDory: OwO what's this?

Keith: Do nOT

White[youalways]Lion: úwù

Pigetto: Oh no, it's beginning.

GorgeousMan: Stand back Pidge. There's nothing we can do now-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: AwA EwE IwI OwO UwU

HunkyDory: How have I never realized this monstrosity

Pigetto: Mr Coran,,, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go!

Lancylance: my eyes burn Rom don't make me come over there

GorgeousMan: Shhh it's alright Pidge, you're alright...

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: EwE I'm only on ten percent of my true power Lonce you'll never take me down

Lancylance: then fite me u fucking ewe furrie

Keith: Yer are the only furry here Lance

Lancylance: i am NOT a furry

HunkyDory: Buddy,

Lancylance: hUnK

White[youalways]Lion: I'll marry whoever wins for the tax benefits and u Americans can have my English healthcare

GorgeousMan: Of course you would.

White[youalways]Lion: ;)

Pigetto: May I participate, my fine lady-

HunkyDory: Wow Pidge aren't u the acne of morality today

Pigetto: Fuck morality, gimme that medicare! IM FRICKING ALWAYS DYING

Lancylance: bitch the fuck me too

White[youalways]Lion: Okay you guys have ten seconds to type out why I should choose u. Coran is my co-judge, Hunk is our recorder and Rom u go first

GorgeousMan: Noted!

HunkyDory: Where am I recording this omfg-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Allura as your fellow English woman I will fight for your hand in battle!

GorgeousMan: A great common ground! You two were birthed from the same fire.

HunkyDory: Screenshot

White[youalways]Lion: Mmm yes... Pidgey

Pigetto: Allura, as your fellow ace-lesbian, I would DIE for you in solidarity!

GorgeousMan: She has the spirit of the community! A noble cause indeed.

HunkyDory: Screenshot

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh no- I should have gone with lesbian too!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Nice codependency... Lonce

Lancylance: as ur bff u know i already want to die so instead i'd live every day for u until to the day u die. i'd even sacrifice myself to any bug u find and i'll kill it te quiero

Keith: oh shit

HunkyDory: Spicy screenshot

GorgeousMan: Unconditional love! A very generous gift from the gender of your attraction.

White[youalways]Lion: But ur too terrified of bugs to kill them!

Lancylance: exactly bebé i'd overcome my fears just to help u

White[youalways]Lion: Awhh babe <3

GorgeousMan: And compassion too!

HunkyDory: Spicier screenshot

Lancylance: <3

Pigetto: THAT'S CHEATING URE GIVING HIM MORE TIME

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yeah!!!!

GorgeousMan: Maybe just a wee bit.

HunkyDory: Ure just mad that my home boy boutta WIN

Lancylance: >:3(

Pigetto: HELL YEA I AM, THATS THE POINT

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yeah!!!!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Oh fine we'll play by the rules we set up

GorgeousMan: Sigh!

Lancylance: <:O(

White[youalways]Lion: The winner is Hunk

Keith: Nice

HunkyDory: Screenshoted and saved to my drive Princess

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: HEY

Pigetto: WHAT TF

GorgeousMan: A just as lovely suitor.

Lancylance: DIOS MIO HUNK U STOLE MY PLACE HOW COULD U

HunkyDory: gasp,,,,,,,  
HunkyDory: Me? :D

White[youalways]Lion: sksksksksksksk yes

Lancylance: unbelievable i thought there was only seven fake bitches in here but turns out there's NINE

HunkyDory: Nine

Keith: Can u even count

Lancylance: .

Pigetto: Seven, then nine okay

Lancylance: seven ate nine,,, yea

GorgeousMan: Lance, my boy, please I'm too old for this.

White[youalways]Lion: SKSKSKSKSKSKSKSK

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Did you mean to count yourself... And then the one person not even here?

Lancylance: ur fake bitch #1 Rom stfu

HunkyDory: Lance I love u very much but oh my god

Pigetto: At least he didn't say twenty one

Keith: I would have died instantly if he did

Lancylance: actually no Hunk ur fake bitch #1 Romelle is #2 Pidge is #3 and Keith can suck my dick at #9

Keith: Okay

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Where's the eye wash when you need it for goodness sake

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksksk you'll always be the number one comedian in my heart Lonce don't worry

Lancylance: i fucking better be i'm dying out here everyday for ur guys' entertainment

Pigetto: My back is killing me again with spasms, thanks for doing ur part soldier

Lancylance: ur very welcome Pidgey! i hope those spasms are energetic enough to generate warmth for ur cold dead heart salud

Keith: As if

Pigetto: God u wish  
Pigetto: [PNG Image]  
Pigetto: I miss coding tho, like with my entire soul

White[youalways]Lion: Oh no

HunkyDory: Awh Pidgey :(

Lancylance: I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that

Pigetto: No it's cool man, go back to ur lowercases u nerd

Lancylance: :(

GorgeousMan: What's wrong then, we thought you wanted to expand your artistic skills?

Pigetto: I mean yea, but I don't see the point  
Pigetto: It's not really what I want the most

Keith: Why can't you just go back to coding then

Pigetto: Bc all that typing is painful for my hands, especially when I get hyperfocused on my work :/  
Pigetto: Cramps are no bueno, take it from a female-o

HunkyDory: But u no love the art :(

White[youalways]Lion: Yea but drawing with that stylus has to be just as hard

Pigetto: Sure but it's not as muscle consuming bc I'm just holding a giant stick and swinging it around, I'm lucky it's just mostly my lower back that's being shitty nowadays

Lancylance: a dick stick

Pigetto: Fuck Lance stop making me laugh, how dare u do this to me unbelievable

Lancylance: :)

GorgeousMan: How are your back and hand muscles doing today? They must be cramping if you did two drawings!

Pigetto: Oh hell yea, the absolute worst

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Pidge!!!

Keith: Wait Pidge no-

Lancylance: PIDGEYYY NO

HunkyDory: PIDGE STOP TEXTING US THEN OH MY GOD

White[youalways]Lion: YEA WE PRACTICE MENTAL FUCKING HEALTH HERE U LIL SHIT GET IN LINE

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: HECK YEA MENtal wait mental?

White[youalways]Lion: Shshshshhhhjakzjakn

Keith: Great collab guys-

Pigetto: Oh shit ure right I'm so sorry I forgot that my muscles are part of my mind u right I'll just- *takes muscle adderal* there hopefully they function better now, thanks for ur help guys!

HunkyDory: D:<

Lancylance: akskxjajnwkwks don't take MY medicine

GorgeousMan: Come on number five, you know what we mean!

Pigetto: Yea I kno  
Pigetto: [PNG Image]

HunkyDory: Oh no ANOTHER ONE

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: PIDGE STOP OR ILL GET SHIRO!!!!

Pigetto: Like he'll do shit, I've seen his ass today! He's probably already passed out bc he spent the last of his energy reacting to a gd rickroll, again nice one Lance

Lancylance: sksksksksk tank

Keith: FINE I'll get Adam-

Pigetto: I will fucking shit on ur carpet if u do

GorgeousMan: Oh my God, that is legitimately horrifying-

Keith: JESUS FUCKIN' CHRIST PIDGE WHY

White[youalways]Lion: im gunna hnnnvgg,,,

HunkyDory: Is it bad that I'm laughing so hard omfg

Lancylance: it hurts it hurts so much pidge pls don't ohhhh noooo

Pigetto: I'm the boss around here, you lil fucks answer to me and me only.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: There's so much hate just jam packed into your smol body it's no wonder you have medical issues Pigeon

Pigetto: Don't expose me Romelle, literally all u have to do is not sAY ANTHING

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: No I'm a wild cannon and I need to be FREE

White[youalways]Lion: Waifu do u mean a horse

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: No

HunkyDory: I think u were looking for loose cannon

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Nuuu

GorgeousMan: Pidge I know you don't want to but I'm going to refer you to my doctor. She's an amazing chiropractor who's also a quite the tech genius herself. I think you two would enjoy each others company a lot. :)

Pigetto: Absolutely do not, did u not hear how I have no medicare

Lancylance: medicare is for seniors,,,

Pigetto: I feel like a senior, might as well say I am

HunkyDory: I'm calling ur parents they have insurance Pidge ure just being iatrophobic

Pigetto: i Am NoT

White[youalways]Lion: When's the last time u got ur blood drawn

Pigetto: H  
Pigetto: that's an invasion of my privacy-

Keith: We have ya surrounded Pidge you're comin' with us

Lancylance: yeehaw

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yeeeehaw!

Pigetto: NO IM A BAD BITCH, U CANT KILL ME

Keith: I'll punch u in the face Lance

Lancylance: WHY JUST MY FACE ROM SAID IT TOO

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksksk

Pigetto: Ha ha!

HunkyDory: *holds out gallon hat*

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: *takes hat and tips it on my head* Part'ner

Keith: Part'ner  
Keith: Because I said so bitch

Lancylance: it's bc she's lesbian n ur gay isn't it >:(

Keith: No,,,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: <_< nooo

Pigetto: whisper whisper i think he's onto us over

Keith: engage protocol sixty nine over the hets cannot know about our solidarity

White[youalways]Lion: Lonce what's going on? What have u done  
White[youalways]Lion: Again

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: we might have to set off the spanish and vanish duolingo backup

Lancylance: sksksksksk idk i don't speak community radio bebé

HunkyDory: Guys keep ur voices down my moms are on the other line!!! Over

Pigetto: oh shoot I forgot, tell them I'm sorru over

Keith: also please tell em that we're open to receiving more cookies ty over

HunkyDory: Frick fine... how many? Over

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: as many as it takes to kill me over

HunkyDory: Okay over

Pigetto: Wft no Hunk don't listen to her, she gets sick on two cookies

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Nooooo!!! I do not!!!

Keith: You have the weakest stomach I've ever seen and I've meet Lance

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh no I'm Lonce now!

Lancylance: okay listen we don't believe in fucking burning our intestines into hell in cuba okay

Keith: And yet u believe in gorgin' y'allselves on pure sugar?

White[youalways]Lion: Y'allselves

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Hehe

Lancylance: there isn't anything wrong with a little sugar in your life Keith just look at these sugar lips

Pigetto: Ugh gross, get those away from me

HunkyDory: I think I agree with Keith you've served me beans with sugar and I can't forgive u for it

Lancylance: THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT WE DONTT AZUCAR EN NUESTRAS HABAS??? NO HUNK!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh ew I would totally vomit

White[youalways]Lion: Sugar in the- Keith's right and he should say it

Keith: I did but thanks

GorgeousMan: Alrighty Pidge, I have all her contact information and I'm emailing it to you right now.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yay!! Pidge won't die now

Pigetto: AWH FUCK, CORAAAAN C'MON

Lancylance: get rekted Pidge

HunkyDory: Haha! Get help u disastrous gremlin

White[youalways]Lion: Lmao u have no excuses now

Pigetto: I KNOW THAT'S WHY I'M UPSET

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: We heart our kids please drive slowly

Keith: My gal that ain't a meme

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: It's not?

HunkyDory: No it's only Road Works Ahead

Lancylance: guys shhhhh she doesn't know better

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: :,(

GorgeousMan: Hang in there, Romelle.

Pigetto: You're doing great sweaty

White[youalways]Lion: We believe in u

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: :,)

GorgeousMan: But seriously number five, are you going? It would be of great help to yourself!

Pigetto: GOD why do u guys have to CARE about me and get sad when my back BREAKS, ure all such LOSERS ugh I love u guys

GorgeousMan: We care about you. :,(

Keith: Stop it get some help we love u too

Lancylance: bc that's what FRIENDS do for each OTHER u ungrateful SHIT <3

HunkyDory: I know ure not familiar with it but the power of friendship is stronger than pure will can ever be :)

White[youalways]Lion: I kno what we're doing this weekend waifu

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Does it involve abducting Pidge

White[youalways]Lion: Yea it does!!

Pigetto: JAKAKSKSKS FINE I'LL GO JUST DON'T BREAK INTO MY HOUSE, I have enough of that with Lance gd

Lancylance: if she doesn't i can show u guys the way i go through

Pigetto: Lance I will plaster seal that window shut if u tell them I stg

White[youalways]Lion: Then go to the doctor!!! We won't do shit if u treat yoself

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'm willing to donate my time to watching Hunk bake you something to sweeten the deal

Pigetto: Oh hell yeah, I'll go then

HunkyDory: Thanks Rom... That means a lot?

Keith: Amazing Romelle absolutely amazing

GorgeousMan: Great! What time?

Lancylance: that's our girl

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: uwuwuwuwuwu

Pigetto: Idk Coran my man, how hard are u making the test

White[youalways]Lion: Yo Hunk add me to that list too I'll even help buy groceries

GorgeousMan: Very much so! Can't let you kids waste your smart brains.

HunkyDory: THANK you! A true friend.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: úwù

Pigetto: Ure an awful man, sometime after Wednesday

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksksksk always Hunk

GorgeousMan: Alright, I'll see what I can do. Hopefully she can make that nudge for you soon!

Keith: So now that Pidge is getting the help she obviously needs does this mean I can sit on her again

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: WHAT

Lancylance: oh yes we need to know it's for science i promise

Pigetto: If either of u two squash me I'll crush ur junk with my JunkCrusher2000, don't test me I have eyes everywhere

White[youalways]Lion: Sigh I guess that era of our humor is long gone

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: WHY ARE YOU GUYS SITTING ON PIDGE

HunkyDory: The way her back cracks two hundred and fifty nine times is astounding

Lancylance: don't worry just yet guys... life, uh, finds a way

GorgeousMan: I believe that's our cue Keith.

Keith: No.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: :O?

Lancylance: Keith!!!

Keith: No I'm not doing it

HunkyDory: But Keith!!! The meme!!!

Keith: Nope

White[youalways]Lion: KEITH PLEASE U CANT LEAVE US HANGING WE NEED THE MUSIC

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Omg Keith can u play the harmanica???

GorgeousMan: Yes he can!

Keith: Absolutely not.

Pigetto: Keith it's for the greater good

Keith: I'm the greatest good yer ever gonna get

Lancylance: fine  
Lancylance: just remember u made me resort to this

Keith: Ah god what have I unleashed-

Lancylance: [JPEG Image]

GorgeousMan: The eyes... They only get stronger with time.

White[youalways]Lion: JAKSKXJKANQ

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh gosh that's so cute!!

Pigetto: Oh no the puppy eyes of inescapable DEATH

HunkyDory: KEITH CMON U HAVE TO DO IT NOW

White[youalways]Lion: KEITH U HAVE TO OR THE EYES WILL KILL US FROM SECOND HAND GRIEF

GorgeousMan: Do it or we may actually die!

Lancylance: YAY

Pigetto: HES ACTUALLY DOING

HunkyDory: HES RECORDING A VOICE NOTE OMG

White[youalways]Lion: GO KEITH GO!!!!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: OMG I CAN'T WAIT

Keith: [Voice Recording: •---------- 45s]

GorgeousMan: There it is, in all it's glory... Welcome to Jurassic Park!

Pigetto: Oh man I just- I just need to breathe this in as I type, it's so beautiful I could cry

HunkyDory: Never has another human being happened upon such grace as this

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: This is amazing it sounds just like the real thing!!

White[youalways]Lion: "Fuck all y'all assholes I should'av n'ever told yuh about this... *muffled fumbling* Welcome to Jar'assTic Park bitches *deep breath* wump wump WUMP wump wump eump eump WUMP eump eump-" The deep southern accent. The ecstatic enunciation of notes. It's all so perfect that words cannot describe its true holiness

Pigetto: Honestly, art imitates life

Keith: Shut up Allura I don't know what you're talking about the South doesn't exist  
Keith: Are you happy now Lance

Lancylance: yes this makes me so happy ty Keithyboy!!

Keith: Good cuz I'm gonna chuck this out the window now-

Lancylance: AWH COME ON

HunkyDory: Violence is never the answer Keith okay hey Alexa save this voice note for me please

Keith: Don't u dare

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: :,(

Pigetto: Ure just petty Keith

Keith: Hell yea I am now disperse or I'll chuck it at y'all too

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksksk salty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Wattpad Version](https://www.wattpad.com/story/172962728-voltron-the-chat-of-me-my-friends)


	3. Star 69 - R. E. M.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that today is (technically) my last day of the school year and I'm all like :/// because this story doesn't align with the time I'm posting each chapter at. So, a little late side note lmao! This AU is happening in a small college town sometime during the second semester. 
> 
> Smol remind, I have ADHD so if there's any inconsistencies with any plot details or timing feel free to point them out! I do reread chapters when writing new chapters that references a past dialogue but the memory aspect of this disorder is pretty brutal so it would be a big help if u pointed me to anything off <3

[Tuesday, 4:47 PM]

HunkyDory: Okay wait I know this was a while ago but I saw the stupid tweet again-

Lancylance: i have a feeling ur talking about me

Pigetto: Aren't we always?

White[youalways]Lion: What did u do  
White[youalways]Lion: Again

Lancylance: why do u gotta assume??

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Because we can and will

Pigetto: Tf do u mean assume you assumed yourself dumbass

Lancylance: shut up ur short

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: hehe

White[youalways]Lion: That's it u nailed it.

Pigetto: Great come back dweeb, did u get it from the clearance aisle?

HunkyDory: Okay, so it's the no homo tweet and when I showed it you you said and I quote, "I'm not gay but I'd totally run my hand through his hair too while a guy sucked my dick. But that's only IF he had nice hair." and I'd like to continue that argument bro

Pigetto: Oh okay, alright then...

Lancylance: yup that was definitely me

White[youalways]Lion: I'm sorry bitscuzme-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I have to bleach my eyes oh my god

HunkyDory: I'm waiting

Pigetto: Yea me too, wtf Lance

Lancylance: it ain't gay to like someone's hair i like Allura's hair but that's not gay now is it check and mate

White[youalways]Lion: I  
White[youalways]Lion: How do I

Pigetto: Oh my fucking god, that's really what u said

HunkyDory: I'm doing some deep sighs over here guys send help

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Fs in the chat for our brave man

Pigetto: F

White[youalways]Lion: F

Lancylance: ur just upset that i found an argument that can't u can't beat me in

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Lonce,,, sweetheart,,,,,

Lancylance: it's cuz you guys are caught up on the blowjob isn't it

White[youalways]Lion: I'm  
White[youalways]Lion: Yeah!!!!?

Pigetto: Are you fucking  
Pigetto: You were just gonna gloss over that huh

Lancylance: yea no homo dude

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I cannot be reading this right am I reading this correctly?

White[youalways]Lion: U  
White[youalways]Lion: Is this the real life?

Pigetto: God, I wish it was just a fantasy

Lancylance: caught in a land slide bc i know how to say no homo?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Basically! You can't just escape reality!!

HunkyDory: As you guys can all see I've been in pain for exactly seven years, three months, five days and thirteen hours

White[youalways]Lion: Lonce wait I need to kno something

Lancylance: kno what bebé

White[youalways]Lion: Would u also complement his face

Lancylance: idk?? i wouldn't have really payed attention to it i mean i am getting the succ bebé

HunkyDorky: I'm so glad y'all can see this because our conversations always feel like a hallucination to me

Pigetto: I wish I wasn't

White[youalways]Lion: This is so funny oml

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: If he's,,, yeeing your haw,,, then you must be able to see his face!

HunkyDory: You can hear the whispering in her text

Pigetto: So pure, too pure

White[youalways]Lion: I'm cackling yeeing yer haw  
White[youalways]Lion: Lonce just pretend u have a functional brain for once and tell me

Lancylance: i take offense to that  
Lancylance: but im doing it

White[youalways]Lion: No u don't u loser

Lancylance: im not that weak allura-

Pigetto: Wait for it

White[youalways]Lion: I

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: What?

White[youalways]Lion: <333  
White[youalways]Lion: u (as a brother)

Lancylance: hHnaNnaknJANNAJ  
Lancylance: i <33333u2 (one more sister doesn't hurt)

HunkyDory: There it is

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh! How cute!!

Pigetto: As you were saying Lance

Lancylance: uh  
Lancylance: oh yea! if his face was nice id say nice face bro

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Bro™️

HunkyDory: Yea that's pretty gay man

Lancylance: listen if i see a fine man i will tell him okay!!! it's 2019 we stan everyone regardless of anything!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Fine but what about once he's done with the succ?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: This is so gross

Pigetto: Shhhh i can't hear them-

Lancylance: what about it?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: They're texting?

White[youalways]Lion: Well, would you help him back???

HunkyDory: Shhh Romelle all will be fine

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: What's happening-

Lancylance: i mean, yea? scratch my back i scratch urs and all that

Pigetto: Nothing u can prove-

White[youalways]Lion: Would u be willing to give Captain America the succ even if he left before u could be reciprocated?

Lancylance: Oh hell yea

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Pidge what the heck  
(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Lance what tHE HECK?!

White[youalways]Lion: That's gay Lonce

HunkyDory: Ladies and gentlemen we got him

Pigetto: Is Lance Mcclain are gay?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I think he likes moto moto

Lancylance: nah

White[youalways]Lion: You just said you'd blow Chris #13!

HunkyDory: Yeah that's pretty safe grounds for homosexuality buddy

Lancylamce: yea but it's not gay if u say no homo afterwards

Pigetto: Fellas is it gay to deepthroat ur Hollywood crush's wood?

HunkyDory: No home no more

Lancylance: there's nothing gay about liking his hair, it's hair! i like Keith's hair too but that don't make me gay fellas

Keith: What

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: No homo nomo~  
(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Hey look a Ghost!

Pigetto: Idk how to explain to you how that's pretty explicitly gay my dude  
Pigetto: Keith, my man, do u agree

Keith: ...

White[youalways]Lion: >_>

Lancylance: thats why u use no homo look here- hi Keith no homo

White[youalways]Lion: No homo is a strong move but uno reverse is stronger

Lancylance: u rite

Keith: Lance what

Lancylance: Uno is a card game Keithyboy keep up

HunkyDory: Yes that's what we're focusing our mental energy on-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: No homo erectusnomo

White[youalways]Lion: Fellas is it gay to

Pigetto: Yea

Lancylance: u didn't say anything

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yeah

White[youalways]Lion: Bc that's the way we like it

Lancylance: ur straight but okay

White[youalways]Lion: Don't b heterophobic bicth

Pigetto: Truly the reform we need

HunkyDory: Let me leave this life already  
HunkyDory: Oh phuck Romelle my mom needs help in her studio tomorrow

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: No!!! Ur supposedly to help me tomorrow!!!

HunkyDory: hnnnngg... I'm sowwy úwù

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Hunk!!! UwUs don't help!!

HunkyDory: qwq

White[youalways]Lion: The guilt is strong in this one

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: nuuuu!!!!

Pigetto: Fellas is it gay to cancel on your commitments?

Keith: I'm so fuckin' confused Lance

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yes!!! Don't u do it!!!

White[youalways]Lion: No honomoh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'll fite you!!

HunkyDory: I'm sorry!!! But she neeeds meeee  
HunkyDory: And it's cute that you think you can beat anyone up with your little baby hands

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: :,(

White[youalways]Lion: He got u beat sis

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: :,(((

HunkyDory: So?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: *tips hat down* so long partner...

Pigetto: Ure gonna attract the bedboys if you keep that up

White[youalways]Lion: The bedbOYS

Pigetto: Keith

Keith: Y-Yeehaw??

HunkyDory: Lance where did you go you love dancing along the edge of homoerotica

Lancylance: hw my man

Pigetto: Yea okay sure, just say ure masturbating to gay porn next time dude

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ew don't!

Lancylance: i will cut u

White[youalways]Lion: With what? Ur shattered attention span?

Lancylance: bruh that's not true

Pigetto: But it is

Lancylance: but it is not!!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yesterday you forgot whether or not you had locked your door already and it hadn't been even two seconds after you closed it

Lancylance: listen-

Pigetto: Hehehehehehe

White[youalways]Lion: Speaking of which, you remember how you lost your space lanyard a few months back? Yea, I found it in our linen closet...

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh my goodness! I remember that!!!

Pigetto: Lance how...

Lancylance: i-  
Lancylnace: i don't know honestly  
Lancylance: has it really been there this whole time????

White[youalways]Lion: Yeah lmao come get it whenever

Lancylance: damn and i made new keys and everything

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: This is why you should use Reminders in ur phone!!!

Lancylance: nahhh- not that productive  
Lancylance: anything else i'm forgetting for today?

Pigetto: Did u remember to wipe ur ass this morning Prince Charming

Lancylance: yes i did but i'm still blocking u

HunkyDory: Yeah weren't you bi curious for Kinkcade in the 7th grade? Been wondering about that lately actually

Lancylance: yea i was lmao

Keith: Lance

Lancylance: Wait  
Lancylance: HUNK WHY-

Pigetto: Wow. Hey there, Lance.

Lancylance: nonononono-

White[youalways]Lion: Lance. Hello there.

Lancylance: NOU

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Lancey~~~

Lancylance: NO STAHP

HunkyDory: This proves it, your attention span is nonexistent. You can't even remember the last conversation you've had well enough to not incriminated yourself u phucking idiot

Lancylance: HUNK WHY WOULD U BETRAY ME LIKE THIS

HunkyDory: Because it's too easy not to

Shiro LaBeouf has invited Adam Just Adam to the chat.

Shiro: Hi Lance. Hi other kids I don't care about as much at the moment. I'm home :)

White[youalways]Lion: Oh *yes* daddy

Pigetto: This'll be interesting, thanks Lance!

Keith: This turned into a shit show so fast-

Lancylance: SHIRO NO WHY ARE YOU HERE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE  
Lancylance: .  
Lancylance: .  
Lancylance: .  
Lancylance: .

Shiro: :) because :) i :) love :) you :)

White[youalways]Lion: We stan one (1) legend

Lancylance: .  
Lancylance: .  
Lancylance: ..

Adam: What? Lance. I guess?

Lancylance: .

HunkyDory: Lance you're too slow of a typer for that to work

Lancylance: .  
Lancylance: shhhhh- maybe he won't notice

Pigetto: He's not fucking blind-

Shiro: Scroll up bby

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I' m i  PAIN i ca notb  REATHE

Lancylance: ADAM VETE POR FAVOR-

White[youalways]Lion: Don't leave! It's fucking hilarious

Lancylance: SOEMINE MURDER ME RN

HunkyDory: Nah

Adam: gasp,,,

Lancylancee: N O N O N O NO

Adam: LANCE MI BEBITO

Pigetto: I will treasure this moment forever.

White[youalways]Lion: I already have my diary out

Lancylance: S T O P

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'd like to thamk my mun a d dad for giving ne the trama that bonded met o this group

Lancylance: ITS TIME TO S T O P

Pigetto: I'd like to thank the academy, they forced me to interact with these nerds in the tenth grade

HunkyDory: We can never stop because we love and appreciate you

Radium: I'd like to thank my son and husband for finding their way to this child

Lancylance: iTs NoT a BiG dEaL i WaS jUsT cUrIoUs AbOuT hIs AbS aNd HaIr No HoMo GuYs-

Keith: Oh my god that's literally fuckin' homo

White[youalways]Lion: CMON MAN WHAT DO U MEAN U WERE CURIOUS?! HOW DO YOU FORGET ABOUT LIKING DUDES???????

Pigetto: Yea did u just stop caring about if you found dudes hot, how does that even happen man???

Lancylance: A LOT WAS HAPPENING THAT YEAR OKAY

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: mmmhmm

Lancylance: MY SISTER WAS PREGNANT!

Pigetto: uh huh

HunkyDory: It was a beautiful baby

Lancylance: IT WAS MY FIRST YESR AT GARRISON!!

Shiro: Yes yes we remember

HunkyDory: Our first meeting <3

Lancylance: I WAS FAILING THREE COUNT EM TRES CLASSES!!!  
Lancylance: <3

HunkyDory: You were having a p hard time reading English back then

White[youalways]Lion: Excuses excuses not interested :)

Lancylance: B I T C.H  
Lancylance: thyre damn gOOD ONES

Shiro: So is it true then? I'm asking for a friend

Keith: Jfc Shiro

Lancylance: UH WHAT

Adam: Me too

Keith: ADAM NO-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: We must know

Pigetto: Is it true or not

Lancylance: UHHHHH-

White[youalways]Lion: Sis get the good tea it's gonna be a long night

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Anything for you Beyonce!

Adam: I feel so hurt u would do this to us,,, i need to cancel my afternoon class for this omg

Lancylance: I HAVEN'T SAIF ANYTHING

Adam: my own son,,,  
Adam: a queer like us,,,,,,,,,

Pigetto: Like, so betrayed >:/

White[youalways]Lion: Wig = off

Adam: Exactly!!

Lancylance: Shiro take ur man back!!! Hunk do something!! Im being cyber bullied!!'bbnnb

HunkDory: I see that bro

Lancylance: HUNK THISNT FAIR

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Well that's what happens when you forget about your sexuality!

Pigetto: Yea! Who tf forgets they like men, like have u seen how gross they are??? Imagine being willing to overlook that, honestly eugh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Slay sis

Shiro: Hey :(

HunkyDory: úwù

White[youalways]Lion: Can confirm unfortunately

Lancylance: OMG STFUUUU

Adam: That's fair, Shiro doesn't even know how to use a comb

White[youalways]Lion: Shi-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Dude...

Shiro: Hey :(((

Lancylance: HUNK!!

HunkyDory: Buddy, ilysm

Lancylance: SO DO SOEMTHING!!!

HunkyDory: Buddy,

White[youalways]Lion: Aha ahahahaha

Lancylance: S H I R O DO S I M E T HU N G IM GONNA KERMIT

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Loving all this hot tea

Shiro: Hey GONNA KERMIT, I'm dad!

Lancylance: HAJSHSJSBSAJJAKA

Adam: Lmao get him babé

Keith: Ew

Lancylance: ew

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: That's gay

White[youalways]Lion: ewe

Pigetto: Ew ew ew

HunkyDory: ew

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Why was I ALONE???

Shiro: Cough Keith cough you're back how interesting

Keith: uh-  
Keith: Ooooooo I was never hereeeee

Adam: That's not how that works

Lancylance: KEITH U FUKAR DONT MAKE ME COME OVER

Keith: No keep ur nasty hands away from my safe space-

Pigetto: This is so gay, Allura-

White[youalways]Lion: Playing dame tu coita

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: AH! AH!

HunkyDory: Omg I miss this song

Adam: Is this what the kids do nowadays? Recite stale memes?

Shiro: I believe it's called a mim-me dear

Pigetto: God this is too old, let it die already

White[youalways]Lion: Dame tu cosita!

Keith: You literally started it-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: AH!! AH!!

Pigetto: Shhhhhhh

HunkyDory: Lance please don't actually be running to break into Shiro and Adam's place-

Keith: DO NOT

Lancylance: no!!! deleting myslf!!  
Lancylance: how delete!!!!!!!

Pigetto: I uninstalled it

Adam: That's called suicide kiddie and we don't do that here

Lancylance: DELETE!

HunkyDory: It's alright Lance,,

Adam: Come here son :,)

White[youalways]Lion: Go with the gays Lonce

Lancylance: GOOGLE?? HOW TO DELETE!!

Shiro: No escape son :,)

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Join us Lonce

Keith: Jesus

Adam: I've always wanted another member in the family :,)

Keith: Fuckin' Christ Adam-

Lancylance: WHAT NO KEITH HELP IN SCARED AHSKNS

HunkyDory: It's OK buddy,, just follow the rainbow colored lights,,, you're gonna be fine,,,,

Lancylance: NO ITS BOT OKAY-

Pigetto: shshshshshshs

Shiro: Son.

Adam: Son.

White[youalways]Lion: Gay.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Bi-

HunkyDory: Bi.

White[youalways]Lion: Bi*.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Bi.

Pigetto: Bi.

Lancylance: STOP CHANTING BI OMG

Keith: Bi...

Lancylance: Kogane, u son of a bitch

Keith: Bi.

Shiro: Bi!

White[youalways]Lion: Bi!!

Adam: Bi~

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Bi!!1!!1!!1

Lancylance has left the chat.  
HunkyDory is now the chat leader.

Pigetto: Bi bitch boy!

HunkyDory: <3 my bi- aw

Pigetto: Awhh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: :,(

White[youalways]Lion: Oh fuck-

Adam Just Adam has added Leonardo Adolf De La Rosa-McWhyDidYouStopReadingThisIsMyName to the chat.  
HunkyDory has made Leonardo Adolf De La Rosa-McWhyDidYouStopReadingThisIsMyName the chat leader.  
Leonardo Adolf De La Rosa-McWhyDidYouStopReadingThisIsMyName has changed their name to Lancylance.

Lancylance: this hell is inescapable

Adam: Bitch ure the one who accepted the invite

Lancylance: no puedo leer de repente no lo sé...

Adam: Pero yo sí! Ahora responde mi pregunta

Lancylance: *sudores* no

HunkyDory: Dios mio

White[youalways]Lion: Go u funky Hispanic!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Slay!!

Shiro: That's my wife!

Pigetto: *vomits in ur ooey gooey face*

HunkyDory: Gross

Adam: It's called love Pidge

Pigetto: Grosser

Lancylance: gitchi gitchi goo means that I hate u all

Shiro: It's expected of you as our new son

Lancylance: *sobs w/ teen angst*

Pigetto: No, that's Keith

Keith: I'm not even doing anything to u?!??!

HunkyDory: Yeah, we do it because u ghost us

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Mm mm mm real mature Keef

Keith: Shut tf up-

White[youalways]Lion: Hey that's my lesbian waifu ur attacking!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yeah!

Keith: Bitch!

White[youalways]Lion: Bitch!!

Lancylance: gently break dances

HunkyDory: Omg

Adam: So Lance-

Lancylance has left the chat.  
HunkyDory is now the chat leader.

Adam: What a pussy!

Shiro: DAMN-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: >:OOO!!!

Pigetto: Oh yea, that's why I like you

Adam: Okay shorty if you're sure it's the sarcasm and not my glorious wig

Shiro: A D A M STOP B U L L Y I N G THE C H I L D R E N

HunkyDory: Dang dude what do u do to be savage 24/7

White[youalways]Lion: Draggin hoes left n right god bless America my crops are being watered

Pigetto: HOW TF AM I SUPPOSED TO CLAP BA K TO THAT

Adam: You don't. You just sit there in your high chair and take it.

HunkyDory: BRUH

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'm falling off mY CHAIR

Pigetto: .  
Pigetto: Keith do something as a fellow younger sibling we gotta stick together man

Shiro: Oh boy

Keith: A  
Keith: Adam...

Adam: Yes sweetheart of mine, my ray of light and hope whom I love and adore very much and do not think of as bitterly or a disappointment :)

Keith: uhhh,,, youre,,  
Keith: nvm,,,,,, im too scared,

Pigetto: KEITH YOU COWARD

Adam: Mmhmm, that's what I thought.

Shiro: God damn Adam save some roasting for tonight's dinner

Adam: No need. I always have plenty.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: <o<

Pigetto: x-x

White[youalways]Lion: >_>

HunkyDory: (;>_>)

Shiro: I'm gonna go lay down this whole conversation has been too chaotic for my blood pressure

Adam: Love you lots uwu

Pigetto: 🖕🏻

Adam: Listen u lil twerp-

Pigetto has left the chat.

Keith: Oh yea but when I run I'm the weak one?!?!!?

White[youalways]Lion: Yea

HunkyDory: Pidge tells me to tell you that that's exactly correct

Keith: Fuck.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yeesh

[Tuesday, 6:27 PM]

Adam: Wait a minute why is Captain America your Hollywood crush he's so ugly and WHITE  
Adam: Wait frick he didn't accept the second invite how pettyyyy are you Lance

GorgeousMan: Very!

Adam: Grrrr

HunkyDory: For what it's worth, CA's beefy abs were enough to woo anyone on first sight

Adam: Yeah but what does Lance say-

HunkyDory: "I already said no homo!"

Adam: But??

HunkyDory: I'm almost 100% sure that he'd want a threesome between CA and Peggy bcuz they're a hot and dangerous couple

GorgeousMan: Interesting indeed.

Adam: Understandable. Have a nice day.

White[youalways]Lion: Omfg,,, bitch me too

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: That's gayyy waifu

White[youalways]Lion: Yea but she's hot af I can't help it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Wattpad Version](https://www.wattpad.com/story/172962728-voltron-the-chat-of-me-my-friends)


	4. Party Line - The Kinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so,,, the total chapter count is more like 25 to 30 but I couldn't just not take the chance to have 4/20 okie?????
> 
> Life is short guys so eat ass, smoke grass, and sled fast- alrighty dighty, continue onwards u beautiful bastards

[Wednesday, 11:32 AM]  
Keith Frickin' Habersberger has added Pigetto to the chat.

[Wednesday, 5:52 PM]  
Adam Just Adam has added Leonardo Adolfo De la Rosa-McWhyDidYouStopReadingThisIsMyName to the chat.  
Leonardo Adolf De La Rosa-McWhyDidYouStopReadingThisIsMyName has changed their name to Lancylance.

Pigetto: Took u fucking long enough to accept

Lancylance: i only came back this early bc i realized something- Adam why tf is ur username Adam??

Adam: Because- That's my name??

Pidgetto: I'm looking at most of your name rn dumbass

Lancylance: this isn't facebook u old timer  
Lancylance: stfu Pidgey

Adam: Wow I'm so scared and hurt Lance honestly can't you ever take it down a notch I'm just an gay old man

Lancylance: it's nice to see that Keith inherited his dickishness and wasn't just born like that Adam

Keith: Hey!

Pigetto: Henhen

Lancylance has changed Adam's name to Radam.

Radam: Wtf is this did you even try

Pigetto: Bold of u to assume Lance ever tries

HunkyDory: Bold of both you guys to assume that he cares

Lancylance: ty Hunkypoo

Lancylance has changed Radam's name to Radium.

Lancylance: boom ur welcome

Pigetto: Oh that's actually kinda good

Radium: Omfg you're actually a genius Lance

Keith: Of course you'd think so you're a fuckin' Chemist teacher

Lancylance: ist

Radium: Watch ur fuckiN mouth or I'll fail u mister

HunkyDory: In the name of the lord if u touch our grades I'll smack the shit outta u

Lancylance: Hunk no ur our softboi

Pigetto: psst adam make a joke about radiation over

Radium: o fuck u rite over  
Radium: I'll radiate ur dick off bITCH

HunkyDory: OH MY GOD ADAM-

Pigetto: Henhenhen

Keith: What the fuck  
Keith: I'm telling Shiro-

Lancylance: ooooooo

Pigetto: ure in troublllllle

Radium: Oh come on you're a grown man he's not going to do shit

HunkyDory: Uh,

Shiro: Adam he's just a kid :,(

Radium: U fucking tattletale

Keith: :)

Lancylance: i'm so glad it's not just my family that does this

Pigetto: Lmfao, same

HunkyDory: No y'all just evil and filled with HATE

Pigetto: Is that not the same tho

HunkyDory: No!

Lancylance: idk sounds p fake bro

Keith: Yea I think yer pullin' our legs

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Can confirm he is pulling our limbs off

HunkyDory: Nooo!!!

Lancylance: ha

HunkyDory: Ur brother is a sweetheart!!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: He's a lil,,, shht,, that doesn't listen to anyone

Pigetto: shht

Keith: What a fuckin' rebel  
Keith: And I guess ur brother sounds cool too

Pigetto: aHA

HunkyDory: Nooooooo!!!!!!1111111111! That's soooooo mmmeeeeeeeeaaaaaannnn111222

Lancylance: Hunkypoo don't one up my dramatics!!!

HunkyDory: Tooo laaaaattteeee!11!22!1!!1!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Hehe

Radium: So we gonna talk about it son

Lancylance: not gay papa

Keith: What?  
Keith: Oh- Lance  
Keith: That's good to know

Radium: Isn't it Keith?

Keith: Yes

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksksksksk

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ah the drama returns yet again!

Radium: Alright Lance, I can understand everything else- but why Captain fucking America??

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: He's hot

Pigetto: Aren't u a lesbian sis-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yes

Lancylance: bc the intense power couple dynamic that him and Peggy emit is enough kill me in the best ways possible and i'm only a weak child of god Adam honestly what do u expect

HunkyDory: I told u didn't I

Radium: Yeah I guess you did

Keith: What about being bi though

White[youalways]Lion: No it's god's will aren't u listening Keef

Pigetto: Nah nah nah Allura, it's just guys being dudes

Lancylance: just dudes bein gay

Shiro: Show me ur dick Steve

HunkyDory: Go to bed Shiro

Radium: Lance are you even aware of what you write

Shiro: I'm not old- I can still suck dick

Pigetto: Yes u are

Keith: Don't lie to urself it's only gonna hurt more later on

Lancylance: it's a vine so i don't need to say no homo man ;)  
Lancylance: but also no never

Radium: Yes yes dear not old at all- your body is just killing you 24/7 and needs constant medical help

Shiro: :(

Pigetto: Haha

Keith: Pidge ure always dying too

Radium: Lance I feel like u should never be allowed to cross the street,,, I'm worried someone's going to run over or kidnap you

Pigetto: Stfu Keith-

Keith: No

Lancylance: :,)

White[youalways]Lion: Lonce? He's just a puppy- he doesn't need to know what's happening

HunkyDory: Yes! Exactly!!!

Lancylance: akslsnakal the only thing i can reliably recognize is when u say my name

Pigetto: Okay then, Lance is bisexual and we support him always

White[youalways]Lion: Lmao got em

Radium: Perfect we should print that

Lancylance: u always have to do it to me don't u

Keith: Yeah

Pigetto: Well, duh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: He he hehe he

HunkyDory: <3 xoxo hugs n kisses

Lancylance: how many times do i gotta say i'm not gay to make it stick smh y'all so heterophobic honestly

Radium: Y'all,,, He spends too much time with Keith

Keith: :)

Lancylance: don't get all proud with me Keith god

Pigetto: We'll stop saying it when u stop spending the extra time and energy to lowercase everything u write out for the theatrics of it all

Keith: :(

Radium: Haha

Lancylance: Pidgey shhhshshhhhhh

HunkyDory: Don't forget the keyboard smashes and sksks too

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Classic queer culture!

White[youalways]Lion: ;>_>

Lancylance: okay  
Lancylance: that is fair i'll be honest

GorgeousMan: What even is this conversation?

White[youalways]Lion: A mess just like us Coran! ;D

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yeah just like Pidge's username! :D

Pigetto: What?

Radium: Welp- bye kiddos!

HunkyDory: Ah ha ha...

GorgeousMan: Oh dear, not even a minute and I've already created another disaster!

White[youalways]Lion: AHA

Lancylance: sksksksksksk

Keith: Wh  
Keith: Wait a minute,,,

Pigetto: Wait a minute what, what's wrong with my username?!

White[youalways]Lion: SKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSK

Pigetto: Guys what's wrong, I'm confused???

Keith: Uh

HunkyDory: Wellll

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: <3<

White[youalways]Lion: >_>

Lancylance: bakskzka nothing :)

Pigetto: What the fuck?

HunkyDory: It uh  
HunkyDory: May be uh  
HunkyDory: Just a wee bit uh

Keith: Oh yea I see it now

Lancylance: Nothing :)

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: It's misspelled... If you're going for the Pokemon, its name is misspelled...

Pigetto: No. You're lying.

HunkyDory: Welllllllll

White[youalways]Lion: Deadass we're not. Look it up lmao

Lancylance: ROMELLEEEEEE WHYYYYYYYY

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: IM SOWWY I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE HIDING IT FROM HER!!! AND NOW THAT SHE SUSPECTS IT I CANNOT JUST CONTINUE TO HIDE IT FROM HER-

Pigetto: Oh my god.

Pigetto changed their name to Pidgeotto.

Pidgeotto: Oh my gOD.  
Pidgeotto: So y'all were gonna let me PLAY myself like that, not even SAY anything about it??

White[youalways]Lion: Hell yea

HunkyDory: I was forced into a pack

GorgeousMan: I'm more of a digimon man myself to be honest.

Lancylance: like a gd fiddle Pidgey like a gd fiddle.

Keith: I swear I didn't even notice it Pidge!

Pidgeotto: I cannot fucking beLIEVE  
Pidgeotto: Since when has LANCE been rubbing off me, I'm suppose to be the one who actually knows how to SPELL things around here!

White[youalways]Lion: How did u two never notice omlll

HunkyDory: It's been there for months Pidge I have been in pain for MONTHS

Pidgeotto: BECAUSE I'M NEVER WRONG OKAY WHY WOULD I DOUBLE CHECK IF I'M ALWAYS RIGHT

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: ^~^;

Keith: Idk but that's hilarious

Pidgeotto: FUCK OFF LANCE IM NOT LOOKING AT THOSE PRIVATE MESSAGES

Lancylance: awh why not

HunkyDory: Dude u know why

Pidgeotto: BC I KNOW U NOW STAHP THE MEMES

Lancylance: okay :)

Pidgeotto: lANCE DONT AIRDROP ME ANYTHING  
Pidgeotto: GOD FUCLING-

Lancylance: i'm done now i promise

HunkyDory: Idk if I'd believe him- he's got a weird look in his eyes

Lancylance: all in due time

Keith: Did u just airdrop me a rickroll? Fuckin' seriously Lance?

Lancylance: all in due time

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Lonce that doesn't make sense

GorgeousMan: It never needs to, we just have to accept it.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Never mind it makes sense now

HunkyDory: Did u just-

Lancylance: :)

White[youalways]Lion: Wait what is it?? I wanna see!

Keith: How the fuck are you airdropping these from across the campus??

White[youalways]Lion: Nvm this is awful Lonce

Pidgeotto: Cough I'm so sorry guys cough

HunkyDory: Cough he stole our project cough

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: >:0!

GorgeousMan: Stole? Hunk.

Lancylance: S T O L E ? ? ?

HunkyDory: Cough fine we're letting him test it out cough

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: :0

Keith: Why are you letting Lance use such powerful shit??

Pidgeotto: We need to make sure there weren't any viruses before trying to reset and update the software, and Lance is always happy to be our Guinea pig anyways

Lancylance: wait what do u mean viruses-

White[youalways]Lion: Whoa wait can he spread them to us

HunkyDory: Nothing buddy :)  
HunkyDory: Nah

Lancylance: HUNK

Pidgeotto: Calm down Lance, there weren't any viruses  
Pidgeotto: That we know of

Lancylance: PIDGE

Keith: Ha ha-

Lancylance: ITS NOT FUNNY I JUST GOT THIS PHONE  
Lancylance: what if some gay porn virus destroys it g a s p i would literally die

HunkyDory: Calm down dude

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ew definitely do not spread that to us

Pidgeotto: If a gay porn virus destroys ur phone it's because u watched gay porn u weirdo

Lancylance: Oh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ah

Keith: So Lance

Lancylance: No!!

White[youalways]Lion: So u do watch gay porn lmao

Lancylance: NO I DO NOT-

Pidgeotto: I'm glad it's back to Lance getting played

Lancylance: STFU PIDGE

Keith: I can send u my favorite vids man

HunkyDory: Agh Keith no!

Lancylance: OMGGG NO DON'T PLS THAT'S WEIRD

White[youalways]Lion: Sharing porn is a bonding experience Lonce here let's share

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Lordy loo

Lancylance: ALLURA I LOVE U AND ALL BUT PLEASE NO

Keith: Yeah let's share. For the bonding experience.

Lancylance: KEITH FOR GODS SAKE I WANT NO BONDING EXPERIENCES WITH U ONE IS ENOUGH FOR ALL OF TIME

Keith: OH SO YOU DO ADMIT WE HAD ONE-

Lancylance: NO I DO NOT FUCK U KEITH

HunkyDory: So y'all just going to admit you're horny on main now?

Keith: Ya I guess

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I need to clean my eyes again goodbye

White[youalways]Lion: Bai boo I wish u well boo  
White[youalways]Lion: But yes Hunk I will

Keith: If it makes Lance squirm like a worm then helllll yea man

White[youalways]Lion: *Jenna Marbles voice* Hell yea man hELL yea

Lancylance: HAJAKANZIAKA I AM A HOLY CHRISTIAN MAN OKAY PLS STOP IT

HunkyDory: (> _>) mmmmhmm

Pidgeotto: R u sure about that

Lancylance: YES I GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY WITH MI MAMA Y PAPI I READ THE BIBLE WHILE LISTENING TO EL PADRES ANECDOTES AND I WILL PRAY ON MY KNEES PARA SIEMPRE  
Lancylance: WAIT COJONES DON'T

Keith: I can pray on my knees too and I've heard plenty of His name being uttered to me while I do it

Lancylance: DAMN IT KEITH WHY

Keith: Don't leave an opening next time it's that simple

White[youalways]Lion: I'm CrYiNg Keith cRyInG

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: My eyes can never be free from your sins

Pidgeotto: Congratulations u played urselves, u all played urselves

HunkyDory: Lance how do you always manage to make it worse for yourself it's like an actual skill now

Lancylance: Hunk u r suppose to be HELPING me

HunkyDory: Now why would I jump into the quicksand you're stuck in to save u

Keith: Oh damn

Pidgeotto: Boom, roasted.

White[youalways]Lion: Bruhhh go easy at first at least

HunkyDory: Nah,

Lancylance: ajskkzkakaowkakz whyyyy

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: It's like some kind of morbid kink for you all

Keith: Yes

Lancylance: KAZKSNAAKKAKA

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk I'm dead it really is

Pidgeotto: Ew Keith no wtf, ure alone on that one

Keith: Hey!

HunkyDory: I need an emoji that's doing a facepalm please why can't you do the one thing we ask of u phone companies

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Sksksksksksk

GorgeousMan: So are we done talking about below jobs or do you kids need more time to get it out of your systems?

Pidgeotto: BeLOW job omfg, that's fancy my man

GorgeousMan: It's also the original term but thank you Pidge, I do pride myself on my superior dialect.

Lancylance: >:,(

Keith: Yo don't stomp ur muddy fuckin' English boots on us

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksk I think that's exactly what we will do!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Stomp stomp stomp!! Oh look, it's so fun-

GorgeousMan: If you really think below job is something then get a load of this! Have I ever fully explained to you kids about the word Quiznak?

White[youalways]Lion: Hehe quiznak

HunkyDory: Wait what do u mean,,,

Pidgeotto: You're hiding something, what are u hiding Coran u crazy man-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh I know this one!! Coran it's so dirty!!!

GorgeousMan: Aha, well, as a curse it does its job!

Lancylance: i'm scared Coran what are u doing-

Keith: Guys I think we should run-

White[youalways]Lion: No no no, sit back down,,, You'll love it :)

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Sksksksksk

GorgeousMan: Quiznak was an outrageous curse popularized in medieval times as an adverb referring towards a male's crotch area, specifically the, ahem, scrotum.

Lancylance: WHAT

White[youalways]Lion: HENHENHEN >:D

HunkyDory: Coran what have you done you've changed everything for the worst oh god

Keith: WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY HOW

Pidgetto: Galaxy brain, quiznak is old-timey for BALLS

GorgeousMan: Yes, basically.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Sigh

Lancylance: what do u MEAN quiznak is old timey language for balls?!!!!

Pidgeotto: Yea I thought it meant the fuck word

GorgeousMan: Oh come now, it's not so bad.

Keith: I like me some fuckin' quiznaks

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: That's the spirit Keith...

Keith: :)

White[youalways]Lion: Oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead

HunkyDory: Why would u teach us such a naughty word!!! Ure a teacheerrrrr!!!!

GorgeousMan: Fuck that, being the responsible adult sucks!

Pidgeotto: h

White[youalways]Lion: Lmao

Lancylance: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Keith: RED FUCKIN' ALEART THIS IS NOT A DRILL RED FUCKIN' ALEART Y'ALL

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Is that really how u spell alert in American-

GorgeousMan: No.

HunkyDory: Holy shit U CAN SAY THAT DID HE JUST REALLY SAY THAT OR AM I CRAZY???

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksks

Lancylance: CORAN SAID A CUSS WORD CORAN SAID A FUCKINV CUS WORD OMFGHOW IM FUCKIBG SHAKEING IM SHOOKIEJT CORAN IS THAT EVEN LEGAL??

GorgeousMan: Do I look like a fucking potato to you-?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh Coran don't spur them on!!

White[youalways]Lion: SKSKSKSKSKSKS

Pidgeotto: WHAT DO WE DO WHAT DO WE DO?!?!?!!? GUYS HES GAINING POWER AS WE SPEAK/

GorgeousMan: But it's funny!

HunkyDory: I DONT FUCKING KNOW JUMP SHIP???

Lancylance: im quakying im shaling omfg i see the light

White[youalways]Lion: Deadass?

Lancylance: deadass :,(((

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Turn off ur desk lamp then Lonce

Lancylance: Akamskzksnwkak

Keith: how can u just SAY THAT Coran oh god think of the CHILDREN MAN

Pidgeotto: WHAT HAPPENED TO PURE CORAN?!

HunkyDory: Yeah! You're supposed to be pure!!!! How can u just become Not Pure?????

GorgeousMan: Meh.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Actually it's very easy to do so- here watch this  
(Rom)elle(Com)elle: FUCK!

White[youalways]Lion: Waifu I love u so much

HunkyDory: STTOP THAT!!!

Lancylance: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GorgeousMan: How come you get to spur them on?

Pidgeotto: WE MUST BE STUCK IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHAT THE HELL GUYS

Keith: WHAT THE FUCKIN' FUCK IS HAPPENING AND WHY IS IT HAPPENING TO US

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Because it's funny Coran :)

GorgeousMan: Well then.

White[youalways]Lion: Akoxxkanqiowkw

HunkyDory: I DON'T KNOW IM LOSING MY MIND MAN I CNA'T BELIEVE THIS

Pidgeotto: U FRICKIN fRiCkS THIS IS THE lAsT STRAW AND I'M LOSING MY mArBLeS

White[youalways]Lion: Why is watching Americans lose there shit so fucking funny to me

Lancylance: MAMA MAMA IM SO SO SORRY I STOLE THAT COOKIE WHEN I WAS SEVEN I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Because the way they run around is like watching a headless chicken realising they can't technically have a mental existential crisis anymore

Keith: GUYS WE HAVE TO FUCKIN' PULL OURSELFS TOGETHER OKAY THIS IS AN EVIL WE HVE TO DEFRAT-

White[youalways]Lion: Omg ur so right!!

Radium: As an immigrant's son I can confirm

HunkyDory: WHAT CAN WE EVEN DO?!??!??!

Pidgeotto: IDK SURVIVE WHAT ELSE HONESTLY

GorgeousMan: Shhhhh, don't upset them any further. They're chaotic beasts of destruction!

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksksk

Lancylance: MAMAAAAA LO SIENTOOOOO ESTOY SOLO UN PEQUENO NINOOOO

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Does it matter if we're going back to the UK in a few years?

Radium: Damn Romelle at least have some public decency

Keith: ADAM DID U KNOW ABOUT THE CURSING?!??

HunkyDory: AND THE QUIZNAKS!!!

Radium: I mean yeah the teacher lounge is not exactly the most charming place in the world kiddos

Lancylance: NO

Pidgeotto: I'm so hURT ADAM

HunkyDory: Omg,,, my view of the world,,, it's lost all hope!

Keith: And u neglected to TELL US?! WHY-

Radium: I didn't know it was so important to ur mental integrity

White[youalways]Lion: Honestly I never want to see any of u drunk lmao

Lancylance: OF COURSE IT'S IMPORTANT THE ENGLISH ARE SUPPOSED TO PRETEND TO BE KIND AND RATIONAL JUST AS AMERICANS ARE SUPPOSED TO PRETEND WE DON'T STILL HAVE SLAVES

Pidgeotto: Shhhh don't alert the masses, we're supposed to be brainwashed minorities

Lancylance: oh yea i forgot shhh quiet guys i'm not shamed for having a different brain and threatened for it not working the same as someone else's

Radium: Fuck I can already sense the hivemind tomfoolery

GorgeousMan: Oh no, and it certainly wouldn't ever be abused by others for their entertainment or personal benefit because they've deemed that's all you're worth to the world!

HunkyDory: Oh yea no never- And I'm totally getting paid the same as Chad in inventory who's shit at his job and runs out the nice old ladies because "old people suck" and has that has absolutely nothing to do with him being white that's a coincidence

Keith: Oh yeah for sure and I definitely don't get mistaken as a whiteboi and therefore benefit as one to strangers until they hear my last name no no double standards are a myth-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: They absolutely are and?? Hating people because they like the same sex or gender presentation they have??? That's never happened before in the history of ever :)

Pidgeotto: Absolutely not I can tell u that for certain, there's especially no hate or doubt for people who have different wants and desires cor sexual or romantic relationships even within our own community!

Radium: Guys is this turning into a meta cult? Because I think it's turning into a meta cult

GorgeousMan: Yes, I do believe so.

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksk when people say solidarity this is what we mean sis

Pidgeotto: Quickly everyone, we must find a non-minority to talk down to us for multiple generations!

Shiro: What the fuck did I come back to. Son, I'm gonna assume the worst and- ur grounded

Keith: Boooo go away Shiro booooo!!

Lancylance: we're just screaming with our dummy thicc hate dad

Pidgeotto: Dummy thicc hate in the streets, dummy thicc sleep in the sheets

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Sksksksksk Pidge

Shiro: Oh that's nice kids! Be back home by seven because tonight is meatloaf night :)

Radium: Stop being so kind and accommodating god I'm gonna fall in love with u again

Shiro: That's my plan that's literally always been my plan

Keith: Can someone else adopt me by any means possible please they do this every five minutes

Radium: HEY I PAY UR CHILD SUPPORT LET ME LOVE MY HUBBY

Shiro: Yeah!

White[youalways]Lion: Upset bc u have a loving home now bruh?

Keith: Yea I am Princess :,(

GorgeousMan: I think that opens you up to kidnappings my boy.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh no!

Keith: Oh nice I'll take that

Lancylance: sksksksksk Keithyboy no!

Pidgeotto: Yeah hi hey hello there, can someone take me with Keith

HunkyDory: Arghhh, Coronal... I'm trying to literally just EXIST, but I'm minority thiCC and the CLAP of my differences keeps alerting the xenophobes!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Omg Hunk!!

GorgeousMan: Absolutely majestic.

Keith: Oh forget kidnappings- HUNK MY MAN

Pidgeotto: Thanks I hate it, this is the only tiktok I will allow

HunkyDory: UwUwUwUwU

White[youalways]Lion: SKSKSKSK keep sneaking ur almost there!

Shiro: I hope u know that I am 100% putting that on my board tomorrow

HunkyDory: NICE! For how long-

Lancylance: AS LONG AS POSSIBLE PLS IM DYING RN

Shiro: Damn okay then

Radium: We should have a sign made

Pidgeotto: YES, I can design it-

HunkyDory: No!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Absolutely not!

Keith: Go to bed Pidge

Pidgeotto: AWH COME ON, WHY NOT

Lancylance: ur not allowed to use ur hands for the next bajillion years Pidgey u kno this

White[youalways]Lion: All in favour of storming to Pidge's house say aye  
White[youalways]Lion: Aye

Shiro: Aye

HunkyDory: Aye

Keith: Aye

Pidgeotto: Ah fuck

Radium: Aye bitch

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Aye aye Captain!!

White[youalways]Lion: Lonce?

Shiro: This bitch better come in clutch smh-

Pidgeotto: OH FUCK I HEAR HIM RUNNING TO MY DOOR I FORGOT HE HAS THEATER CLUB TODAY

Keith: Good. Suffer!

Pidgeotto: NOT GOOD NOT GOOD

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Wait I thot he was with you guys?

Pidgeotto: AHHHHH HE'S HERE GO AWAY JOHNNY GO AWAY

HunkyDory: Nah we let Lance carry it with him

Radium: Sounds dangerous

Shiro: Bye Piiidddggeeee!

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksk too bad because it makes Pidge's death that much funnier

Keith: I'm just sad that we don't get to see it

Pidgeotto: [Voice Note: •--- 6s]

GorgeousMan: Nature is so wondrous and astounding isn't it?

White[youalways]Lion: Well it a-sounded horrifying,,, like a banshee obliterating a door

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: It DOES!

Lancylance: that was me i landed uncomfortably hard onto the chair she was using to keep me from climbing into her window

Pidgeotto: Funniest fucking thing I've ever seen

Keith: Nice one Lance

Lancylance: thanks fucker!

Keith: Welcome jackass!

HunkyDory: Play nice!!

Pidgeotto: Your mom plays nice-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: gUyS!!!!

Shiro: This is Takashi- signing off

Shiro LaBeouf has left the chat.

GorgeousMan: How dare you leave us here with them.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: AWH SHIROOO

Radium: Honestly, GOD

Radium has added Shiro Labeouf to the chat.

HunkyDory: FATHER

Lancylance: d

White[youalways]Lion: No-

Keith: Do it Lance

Lancylance: daddy

Shiro Labeouf has left the chat.

Pidgeotto: Niiice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma be honest and tell y'all that I forgot today was Friday lmao so I'm posting a few hours later than usual but it's all good now
> 
> Also, I'm thinking of changing from every Friday to every two Fridays to give me more time for editing and stuff so don't be alarmed when I skip next week! Ya pal still here with dat text au fic- thank ya for reading ;D


	5. LOL :) - Trey Songz ft. Gucci Mane & Soulja Boy

[Thursday, 8:40 AM]  
Radium has added Shiro Labeouf to the chat.

[Thursday, 1:40 PM]

Lancylance: ahem  
Lancylance: ahem ahemmana hem  
Lancylance: ahememememe mnenenem nememe nemeennenenm  
Lancylancy: ahem

Pidgeotto: Did u need something Lance or are u just attention seeking again

Lancylance: oh hey there lil Pidgey! i just wanted to know, what's ur grade in geo he he :)

Pidgeotto: Not an actual answer, but o-kay Lance! :)  
Pidgeotto: Which one tho, I don't remember what u have

Lancylance: uhhhh  
Lancylance: the shapes!

White[youalways]Lion: Do u mean Geometry babe?

Lancylance: yes that one the sneaky bastard boy ty

Pidgeotto: Just because u can't remember how to spell Geometry doesn't mean it's a sneaky bastard boi lmfao

Lancylance: shhhhhshshshshhshh it's sneaky bastard boy!! just tell me ur grade Pidgey

Pidgeotto: A seventy two as of last week, but I'm also waiting on a test grade so

Lancylance: oh no oh fuck wow oh no aye dios mio why

White[youalways]Lion: DAMN and here I thought u were the smart one BITCH

Pidgeotto: ListEN GEOMETRY IS STRESSFUL OKAY FUCK DAVID AND HIS DUMBASS ANNULUS CRISIS I HATE HIM ALRIGHT

Lancylance: well shit i thought since u can code u had all math underlock

White[youalways]Lion: Under who?

Lancylance: shhh just pretend to understand-

White[youalways]Lion: Okie dokie-?

Pidgeotto: U DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT MUCH MATH TO CODE ESPECIALLY IF WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT CREATING A TWO OR THREE DIMENSIONAL VISUAL HONESTLY FUCK THAT NOISE OKAY

Keith: Um okay I think yer just upset because it's the one thing u can't do Pidge

Pidgeotto: I'll end ur fucking bloodline Keith, are u listening to me bc I'll do it don't u dare tEsT mE kEiTh

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksk salty

Pidgeotto: VERY

Lancylance: hey Keithyboy what's ur grade in geo

White[youalways]Lion: Not gonna axe me babe?

Keith: A 98 but why?

Lancylance: bebé pls u tried to challenge ur AP world history teacher to a duel bc u didn't know where Constantinople was and it really hurt Coran's feelings bc he didn't know what to say to u asking him to fite to the death

Keith: Wait- wtf Allura??

Pidgeotto: We stan a legend

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksk- u rite u rite but u don't have to call me out for it damn

Lancylance: uwu yes i do

Pidgeotto: Okay you weirdo, I guess judging me is more mainstream or smth??

White[youalways]Lion: Yea basically

Keith: Very. Lance why do u need to know?

Lancylance: bc i'll succ ur dicc if it means getting an A in that gd awful class PLEASE help me oh my god i'm going to fail next weeks assessment oh dear sweet lordy loo

Keith: Alrighty then-

Pidgeotto: Pfffft, now that's desperate

Lancylance: yup!

White[youalways]Lion: BAKDLXJAJAOWN why Lonce I'm iN CLASS tone ur inner hoe down

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Lonce no prostitution is not the key to a good note!!

White[youalways]Lion: Idk this *is* Lonce we're talking about he probably could pull it off

Pidgeotto: Don't test his fucking will power, he's going to use it for bad!

Lancylance: KEITH I WILL GIVE U TWO BJS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE GOOD GRADE MAN CMON ITS A GREAT DEAL DUDE

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ah,,, how could I not have seen this coming

Keith: Aha ha,,,  
Keith: I don't know about that

HunkyDory: What in the holy phuck nuggets dude

White[youalways]Lion: Mmmhm!

Lancylance: HOW ABOUT T H R E E BLOWJOBS KEITH-

Pidgeotto: Smh man

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Eweugh-

Keith: no,,,

HunkyDory: LANCE

Lancylance: LOOK AWAY HUNK LOOK AWAY

White[youalways]Lion: SKSKSKSKSK

Pidgeotto: This is ridiculous, just go to tutoring omfg

HunkyDory: They're not the best at peopling tho

Lancylance: THE TUTORS DONT CARE ABOUT NEURODIVERGENTCY THEYLL KILL ME FIRST  
Lancylance: KEITH MY MAN PLEASE WAIT

Keith: Yea??

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: <_<

Lancylance: U N L I M I T E D B L O W J O B S F R O M Y O U R S T R U E L Y

Pidgeotto: me irl

White[youalways]Lion: Lonce u is ah hoe

HunkyDory: Smh buddy,,, smh

Lancylance: YEA OF COURSE IM AH HOE FOR GOOD GRADES GUYS LITERALLY JUST SUE ME NEXT TIME GOD

Keith: Why should I even accept ur bj??

Lancylance: uh becauuusseeee  
Lancylance: i have a riddle! :)

Pidgeotto: I'm facepalming, I want u to know that Lance

HunkyDory: This can't be good

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: It is never good

White[youalways]Lion: I want it to be good

Lancylance: kay so Keith u have three boyfriends now,,,

HunkyDory: Oh no,

Keith: Interesting riddle but I will take it nonetheless-

White[youalways]Lion: That's too many boyfriends Keef fucking share u dickwad omg

Keith: No get yer own these are MY boyfriends Allura

Pidgeotto: Ure sugar babey now

Keith: Yes.

Lancylance: sksksksk  
Lancylance: their names are Do Re and Mi

HunkyDory: NO

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Fa La So Ti Do

Pidgeotto: I know where this is going, Lance don't u dare do it

Keith: Okay,,,

HunkyDory: NOOOOOO

Lancylance: Do gives u kisses Re gives u sessy time and Miself succs ur dicc

Keith: Ah...  
Keith: I see it now

HunkyDory: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS USE THIS ONE

Lancylance: cuz it's funny

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: What's a sessy?

White[youalways]Lion: IvE SPATT MY DRINK OUT Mr Iverson is giving me the evil eye now thx

Lancylance: sexy  
Lancylance: ur welcome

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Well then :/

HunkyDory: I am in physical pain Lance why do u do this to us

Lancylance: the dramatic way is the only way for life

Pidgeotto: Keith u cannot actually be thinking about this, are u really thinking about this?

Keith: About what Pidge

White[youalways]Lion: KEITH NO

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: BAD KEITH BAD!!

Keith: Whaaat?? I didn't agree to anything!

Lancylance: KEITH PLS TUTOR ME IM SO DUMB

Keith: You are not dumb Lance.

Lancylance: thank u :,(  
Lancylance: BUT YOU NEED TO PROVE IT BY HELPING MEEEEEEE

Keith: Alright fine- tomorrow you can come over around like four or five and I can help u study

Lancylanxe: AHHH GRACIASSSS

White[youalways]Lion: Damn- is it really that hard to get laid nowadays Keith?

Keith: Stfu Allura- Lance no blowjobs

Lancylance: õwô u sure? i'm always up for helping a bro out no homo ofc

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Bro™️

Keith: Yes I'm fuckin' sure

HunkyDory: Lance I hope u get the help u need one day

Lancylance: how r00d!

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksksk but u do need it

Lancylance: >:(

Keith: Is that really all u needed to ask for?

Lancylance: ye

White[youalways]Lion: In the middle of our classes?

Lancylance: ye

Pidgeotto: Lance am I deleting this app soon

Lancylance: ye

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Will u always be a pinnacle of sin?

Lancylance: ye

HunkyDory: Is all ur going to say anymore is ye???

Lancylance: ye

* * *

[Thursday, 4:39 PM]

Radium: What the fuck did I just finish reading? Lance come on seriously take that to pornh*b not my rock sanctuary

Shiro: He can't help it Adam he's just a growing boy :,(

Radium: Yea a growing boy who needs to keep it tf in his pants damn!!

Keith: Pornh*b...?

Radium: I know what I said Keith and I stand by it

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksksksk u saying he need a different kind of help mate?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Well yeah, our hetero "friend" said he needed help "with" Keith for an important assessment "didn't" he

HunkyDory: I'm,,, what? He what???

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: UwU

Shiro: P-Please I just want to see my family again-

Radium: Go lay down sweetheart I'll take care of the nasty bugs-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: ÒwÓ?!

Shiro: Tyyy bby

Keith: Ignoring all that mess- I really don't think Lance needs my help figuring out the trick on how to rub one out

Lancylance: jjaakmkzkakak no i do not i can guarantee i kno that one already

Pidgeotto: Yea that's what ur parents are for

Radium: Hold up a sec there Pidge stop

HunkyDory: Ohkay wait a minute

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Pour my cup put some liquor in it

Pidgeotto: Wait no, my brain was still thinking about shitting on the carpet nvm

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Don't rub stains out ur supposed to dab them!!!

Keith: I have a feeling u had a dark joke that u barely held off on

Pidgeotto: Shut up Keith, ur future is dark  
Pidgeotto: Ha dab

HunkyDory: I hate that I just watched you unironically dab

White[youalways]Lion: There is never a day I can spend in your guys' company without saying what the absolute fuck in confused and worried laughter

Lancylance: he  
Lancylance: hey dad Romelle said the l word

Shiro: Romelle.

White[youalways]Lion: There it is again

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Uh nO i DiDnT-

HunkyDory: Oh my gosh ur such a tattletale Lance!!!

Lancylance: am not!!

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksk babey

Pigetto: Yea let's focus on that, Rom ure in troubllleeeee

Keith: Jfc-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: OH NO!!

Shiro: Romelle you have severally disappointed me young lady. You're fucking grounded for two (2) weeks and don't you ever say the word lesbian ever again

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Uh *sweats in,,, homo* okay dad

Shiro: That's better thank u

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk

Lancylance: This calls for a name change!

HunkyDory: Oh no

Lancylance has changed Shiro's name to Hero.

Hero: Oh thank god I was worried about friending you

Lancylance: ;)

Pidgeotto: Thespian

Hero: *narrows eyes*

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Tesbian

Hero: *narrows them further*

HunkyDory: Lagniappe

Hero: *narrows them furthest*

Radium: This family is so fucking stupid but still I love u all for some reason??

Keith: Then why did u adopt us

Radium: Bc I wanted government money duh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Gasp

Hero: Adam no the kids aren't supposed to know about that-

Pidgeotto: W H A T

HunkyDory: HOW COULD YOU TWO

Lancylance: i'm so hurt,,, papa why? i thought u really did love us :,(

White[youalways]Lion: U AND UR FANTASIES CAN'T EVER BE QUENCHED CAN THEY

Keith: SHIRO IM RUNNING AWAY AGAIN-

Hero: NOOOOO- ADAM APOLOGIZE!!!

Radium: I'm sorry I said u cheated- even tho u did

Pidgeotto: Oof

Hero: WHAT

Keith: Adam no

HunkyDory: (;O _O)...

White[youalways]Lion: What Shiro you did what now-

Lancylance: SHIRO W H A T T H E F U C -

Pidgeotto: Are y'all getting a divorce now, is Keith getting two Christmases? Can I come over for both?

Hero: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CHEATED- ADAM?!??! IM SCARED

Radium: Of course it would be a fucking meme that ends my marriage- Shiro calm down it's from PEPPE PIG the fricken CHILDREN's show

Hero: Oh no  
Hero: Oh god

Keith: I'm embarrassed to be in this family now

White[youalways]Lion: SKSSKSSKSKSKKSK SKS WHAT TF

Hero: I must go now my people need me-

Keith: Bye dumbass

Lancylance: omg i thought we were watching a top ten betrayal i had real tears in my eyes

Pidgeotto: Unbelievable Shiro, gays peaked way too early

Hero: Bold of u to assume I reached my maximum dumbass

Radium: Takashi no-

Hero: Tacacacacshi yes

Keith: My eyes burn

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Please don't do that again Adam :,( you guys are amazing people and my favourite couple!!

White[youalways]Lion: Yeah!! Who are we supposed to pray to when we need your guys' holy energy???

Hero: AWH y'all that's too sweet :,(

Radium: Don't make me cry that's literally the exact opposite of who I'm supposed to be omg-

Pidgeotto: Just don't split up like that, idk if this family could ever handle that kind of damage

Hero: HNNGG NEVERRRR

Radium: I married this fool and you better believe I'm not letting him go anytime soon!

HunkyDory: Whew that was close I feel like we dodged a huge bullet there and I had flashbacks to Beyoncé and Jay-Z for a second tbh

Keith: Fuckin' JayZ oh god

White[youalways]Lion: Oml I can't believe u just compared Shiro to Jay-Z

Lancylance: yea well only Adam can dance

Radium: AHA THAT IS TOO TRUE

Hero: Oh c'mon, I'm not that terrible!

Keith: Yes u are

Hero: U DON'T KNOW THAT KEITH-

Keith: I was the ring bearer at ur fuckin' wedding yes I do bitch

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: SKSKSKSK LOOK AT ALL THIS HOT TEA SIS!!

White[youalways]Lion: I'M LOOKING SIS

Pidgeotto: Don't u guys also have a video of ur wedding on yt

Lancylance: g a s p do u-?

HunkyDory: So we DO have proof of his bad dancing

Keith: Hell yea we do

Hero: UHHHHH- SHUT UP UR MOM GAY

Radium: They say you'll always be seven in your soul- with Shiro I know that it's true.

Hero: Adam :(

Lancylance: jakzksnajanka

White[youalways]Lion: SIP SIP we might have to buy ice to treat these burns!

Keith: But anyways- what I'm hearing is that we're not having two xmases?

Radium: NO WE ARE NOT!

Keith: Damn,,,

Hero: Not unless you find a bf and have one with him

Pidgeotto: Ha haha good one Shiro, Keith finding a boyfriend to be soft with that's hilarious

Keith: I will punch a hole in ur face

Lancylance: and here we have live evidence of how Not Soft Keith is

Keith: Uh no wait I-  
Keith: Oh what the heck I'll punch u too

Lancylance: oH NO-

HunkyDory: dOnT pUnCh My BoI kEiTh

Pidgeotto: I wouldn't worry so much about it Hunk, he'll probably punch him gently with his mouth

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: What?

Keith: PIDGE

Lancylance: did i forget how to read again or is this wording confusing-

HunkyDory: (>_>)

Radium: Oh yes v confusing indeed

Hero: Can't b r ea t h e-

White[youalways]Lion: Yes it is so confusing I think it's literally ineligible right guys

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yes?

Lancylance: ???

Pidgeotto: I like to think otherwise

Keith: Oh ure definitely getting punched-

Radium: There he goes again Takashi! Punching kids over stupid kid drama and childhood crushes

Hero: Hold on wait I think they're making a fite club together dear-

Lancylance: sksksksk

Keith: Punch bitch!

Hero: No!!!!

Keith: Punch punch!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Nooo!!!!

Keith: Punchity punch!!!

Pidgeotto: Hey stop that!

Keith: Punch punchity!!!!

Lancylance: THE ATROCITIES

Keith: AHAHAHAHA

Radium: Jfc I know I didn't raise this

Hero: I'm sorry :,(

White[youalways]Lion: SOMEONE STOP THIS CRAZIED MAN FOR GODS SAKE! HES BEATING UP THE *CHILDREN*

Pidgeotto: I am no child!

HunkyDory: CHILD!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: BABEY!!

Keith: PUNCH!

Pidgeotto: AHHHH

Lancylance: what a madman!

Keith: P U N C H

Lancylance: owie!!

White[youalways]Lion: U MADMAN

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: NOOO!!!

HunkyDory: KEITHY STOP!!

Keith: pUnCh

Hero: Keith!!!

Radium: Keith ur behavior is getting out of hand smh tone it down or else

Keith: p  
Keith: p-punch...

White[youalways]Lion: gasp

Radium: Did u just punch me young man.

Lancylance: omg,,,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh no-

Keith: Uh,,, no sir papa sir I'll just-

HunkyDory: Omfg

Keith Frickin' Habersberger has left the chat.

Pidgeotto: AHA HA

Hero: OH NO KEITH

White[youalways]Lion: SKSKSKS

Lancylance: Keithyboy nooo!!

Radium: That's what I thought pUNK

Hero: ADAMMMMM!!!

HunkyDory: Well I guess that's the last we'll ever see of Keith!

Radium: Henhenhen

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: OH NO!!!

Pidgeotto: Goodbye edgelord, u will be missed

Hero: No!!!

White[youalways]Lion: We will cover ur grave with tshirt after tshirt of the best emo bands of the 00s and 10s

Lancylance: nooo!! no one will want to visit him because of the loud emo music!!!

Radium: Are u kidding I'd visit him everyday for the emo music alone

HunkyDory: ADAM!!

Hero: aDaM oUr SoN-

Radium: That too don't worry!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I will bring him a little cowboy hat! >:3

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk,,, and we'll remember the little boots n spurs too rite?

Lancylance: obviously! they're the most important part

Pidgeotto: Like we'd ever forget, he'd haunt us if we didn't properly bury him

HunkyDory: I'll make him fried chicken every year then,,,

White[youalways]Lion: I will bring him the bike we crashed from our dramatic escapé to downtown Altea

Lancylance: he let me borrow one of his knives i guess now is a great time if any to still never return it! :)

Pidgeotto: I have all of our old pokemon cards, I'll nerf the sucker in battle again and again until I'm six feet under too

Hero: You guys,,, are all sO KIND :,(

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Always!!!

Pidgeotto: Begrudgingly, yes

HunkyDory: You guys are my best friends!!!

Radium: But y'all understand that my son isn't really dead right??

Lancylance: aksllxkskw Adam shhhh

White[youalways]Lion: This year, we lost our dear friend Keith :,(((

Hero: Living who? Never meet her-

Radium: Go to sleep Takashi u motherfucker

Hero: Okay sweetheart :(

Lancylance: akaklskshs dominate

Pidgeotto: Damn Adam loosen up, u really don't have to go so hard

Radium: You're dying too Katie go to sleep u gd gremlin

Pidgeotto: Hey >:(((

Hero: Ha ha ha, ha ha ha, look at that high-waisted man he got feminine hips!

Radium: That doesn't even remotely relate to Pidge

Hero: I know,,, I just wanted to make a John Mulaney reference :(

[Thursday, 6:52 PM]  
Lancylance has added Keith Frickin' Habersberger to the chat.

Keith: Yo what the FUCK guys

GorgeousMan: Usually, I chose to ignore it all. It's amazing how much information the human brain can erase from its own memories!

Keith: But I'm not DEAD Coran don't fuckin' erase me-

GorgeousMan: Maybe you can take this new badge of opportunity to rob a bank or even commit arson!

Keith: Hold on,,,  
Keith: I think I will rob a bank- thank you for this enlightenment Coran

GorgeousMan: Good for you! Glad I was of some service.

Lancylance: sksksksksk pls don't

Keith: Then stop saying I'm dead!

Pidgeotto: Sometimes I can still hear his voice

Keith: U suk bitch >:(

Pidgeotto: And you swallow Dead Gay Trope :)

GorgeousMan: Sigh.

Lancylance: guyyysss ur making Coran sigh!!!

Keith: Boo hoo- I'm dead!

GorgeousMan: SIGH.

Pidgeotto: Oh no-

Lancylance: Keith!!

Keith: Fine,  
Keith: Hey Coran?

GorgeousMan: Yes, my boy?

Keith: Do a back flip

Lancylance: NO!!!

Pidgeotto: You MONSTER.

GorgeousMan: You hurt me so, Keith. You hurt me so.

Lancylance: i will desTROY u

Keith: Well at least I'll be dead for sure this time!

Lancylance: grrrr >:( ur a bad man Keithyboy

Pidgeotto: Don't listen to him Coran, u don't need him to let ur inner Gorgeous Man shine through

GorgeousMan: Thank u... Thank u... This will be a hard time for me to get through! :,(

Lancylance: we'll be there for u every step of the way :,(

Keith: Oh come on! Those are fake tears!

GorgeousMan: I would never. :,(((

Pidgeotto: Yours won't be tho

Keith: >:/

GorgeousMan: :,)


	6. Operator - Midnight Star

[Friday, 5:43 PM]  
Keith Frickin' Habersberger has changed their name to MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: That's,,, inappropriate,,,,,

Pidgeotto: Omfg, Keith what?

Radium: That is not Keith- WHO ARE YOU?!

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: I am Keith of course- yeehaw mothafuckers

HunkyDory: It's gotta be Lance

Radium: I love u very much mijo

White[youalways]Lion: That's where I always put my money

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: No clue what yer talkin' about there part'ner why can't I just have ah boyfr'iend who gives me *the* succ of a life time?

Pidgeotto: Mmhmm classic gay cowboy Keith, definitely a hundred percent him guys

Hero: Keith doesn't tell people about his bfs who r u imposter!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Gasp!!

HunkyDory: Oh shoot u rite

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: *sweats*  
MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: OwO what's this? X3 *pounces on u* oof daddy ur so musky

Pidgeotto: Sighhh-

Radium: Back off bitch that's my man!

White[youalways]Lion: I'm willing to forgive this imposter

Hero: Goodbye friends this is the last straw- I am never planning to come back to this hellhole u call a group chat ty ty

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: nice

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Sksksksksksk

Radium: Oh no I guess we'll have to waste our sudden free time by cuddling! :///

HunkyDory: Oh gosh that's just the worst :/

Hero: I know right! Smh cuddle piles are absolutely awful

Pidgeotto: But Lance why do u have Keith's phone tho

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: let's just say if u fall asleep around me it's ur own damn fault for what's to come  
MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: also i needed this bitch to friend me sO it's all part of the plan ;)

White[youalways]Lion: Yes Lonce that's very justifiable as always

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: yes it IS

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: <3<

HunkyDory: So u came up with a master plan that involves u waiting until Keith was vulnerable enough to take his phone away?

Pidgeotto: Interesting,,,

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: don't make it sound creepy jsoxjanakx

White[youalways]Lion: Babe. Cmon.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: But it kinda is ówò

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: i just happened to notice he left his phone on GOD u guys are so assuming

Pidgeotto: Gosh diddly darn it all to heck, I wonder why my good dude?

White[youalways]Lion: Left his phone on? Who tf would do that around u Lonce

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: he fell asleep mid search i don't think he practices good mental health Allura :/

White[youalways]Lion: Oi shut tf up lmao

Pidgeotto: Did u poison him

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: WHAT??? NO!

HunkyDory: Are u suuure

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: HUNK-

Radium: Wait a minute if Keith is legitimately asleep then you must be in my house- When and how did you get in here without me noticing you??

White[youalways]Lion: Oh good our regularly scheduled program is back on

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: i'm a man of many talents and one of them just happens to be climbing shit like a graceful monkey u kno how it fuckin' is Adam

HunkyDory: Phuckin'

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'll pop the popcorn wiafu!

Radium: You motherfucker- Which window did you even climb through?!

Pidgeotto: I just bought a shitload of juices, you guys wanna share?

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: WAIT WHAT KEITH HAS FUCKIN' IN HIS AUTOCORRECT WHAT THE HELL???

HunkyDory: Ooo nice Pidge!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yes!! Let's share!!

White[youalways]Lion: Hell yea boo! Bring that over here- Hunk ur famous guac and chips would be GOLDEN rn

HunkyDory: I got chu!!

Radium: Yes he does, but that's not important! Which window Lance!!!

White[youalways]Lion: YASS!!

Pidgeotto: It's getting crazy already ladies

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: YES IMPORTANT WHO DOES THAT OMG I WASN'T EVEN EXPECTING IT AT ALL I THOT HE DID IT HIMSELF EVERYTIME

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Sip sippin my champagne

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: Fuckin' fuckin' fuckin'

Radium: LANCE U PUTA WHICH WINDOW

HunkyDory: You are entertained by the simplest of things oml

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: HE HE HEHE HE I'LL NEVER TELL YOU  
MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: oh why yes of course my good man

Radium: This is it this what dads with daughters stress about omg...

White[youalways]Lion: AKXKSNANJA Oh my GOD Adam I'm doing spit takes over here!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: My champagne wiafu!

White[youalways]Lion: Oh shoot sorry!!

HunkyDory: Come on Allura we just cleaned in here

Pidgeotto: Smh I thought u were bae Allura but turns out ure just fam

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: yeah hoe we thot u were fancy

White[youalways]Lion: D:<

Radium: lAnCe PlEaSe-

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: now why would i ever tell u that Adam hmm?

Radium: >:(

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: He's being reduced to begging Lonce just answer him!!

Pidgeotto: Lance stop being the real hoe here already, ure really bad at this no homo thing

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk rlly bad

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: JUST BC KEITH IS A NATURAL CUDDLER DOESN'T MEAN I'M A H O E GUYS

White[youalways]Lion: Oh so y'all cuddling now?

HunkyDory: Uh huh, yea, sure, okay,

Pidgeotto: I would like to beg to differ by calling homo

Hero: Okie dokie artichokies

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: What in God's name Shiro-

Hero: Shrug emoji

Radium: Lance just tell me HOW

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: Kosmo let me in through ur side gate bro

HunkyDory: Bro no he did not-

Radium: Deadass I will come up there and kick u out myself don't lIE TO ME

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: no he did!! he is a smart lil babey!!!

White[youalways]Lion: That *beast* is many things but he's not like some kinda quantum teleporter Lonce

MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙: one sec i have power of god and EVIDENCE on my side

HunkyDory: Okay then show us bish

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Pidge look at what you've done!! You have turned another into a morbid cryptic hunter

Pidgeotto: It's always been one of my main goals in life, that and to start a video game cult

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: <_<;

White[youalways]Lion: That's,,, interesting fam good luck with that family business man

Lancylance: [Saved Video Recording •-----9s]  
Lancylance: i sent this PROOF to Keithyboy originally

Hero: Damn Kosmo!

HunkyDory: Oh sheets of paper

Radium: THAT DOG IS THE DEVIL INCARNATE

Pidgeotto: Omfg did he really jump the entirety of y'alls six foot gate for a simple PET

Hero: I REFUSE to believe he can love anyone except Keith that much

White[youalways]Lion: Don't be jelly bc Lonce knows how to get that sweet sweet love

Lancylance: uwu i duwu

HunkyDory: Pls tell me u didn't just say "I do" as "I duwu"

White[youalways]Lion: No can duwu *buddy*

HunkyDory: Bruh,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: So you're a cuddle thot Lonce

Lancylance: ùwú maybe

Pidgeotto: Ure being awrested

Lancylance: ôwô oh noes!

Hero: Get the paddy wagon!

Lancylance: QwQ i mwust eswape from hewre!! Awwura!!

White[youalways]Lion: I cant fuckimh

Pidgeotto: Here- into my non-suspicious white van

Lancylance: oh yeus-

HunkyDory: NO DO NOT!!

Lancylance: why not ôwõ?

Hero: She may offer amazing wifi but it's a ploy to steal ur organs

Pidgeotto: Hey don't expose me-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: BAD ACE!! STRANGER DANGER!!

Lancylance: QwQ so much hate and harm in this world,,,

Radium: Yea there is- I'll get u and ur lil dog too

White[youalways]Lion: Lol why don't just train him or die mad about it???

Hero: U think we haven't tried?? He's a manic looking for the best in life

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: As all smol babies do

Pidgeotto: C'mon he's just a pupper, how hard can it be?

Radium: He uses ROCKS as a chew toy and scales walls as a fun activity Pidge! For fuck sakes, he might as well be a coyote or a get a job as a k9 soldier and help pay for his part of rent

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk why u Americans always so adamant about getting payback from ur children

Pidgeotto: Because ure either broke or ure economically woke like my parents

HunkyDory: God I wish that was me,,,

Lancylance: omg all we ever hear from u is "what are you doing" and "why aren't you helping me pay rent" but u never ask "how are you doing" or "how do we have rent if Garrison gives us free on campus accommodations for working for them"

Radium: Rocks aren't a cheap form of love okay

Hero: Yeah, I'll say Adam!

Radium: Shhh ty for ur sacrifice bby

GorgeousMan: At least you get paid friends!

HunkyDory: Oof,

White[youalways]Lion: Preach it

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Are you-  
(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Are you really not getting paid Coran???

Pidgeotto: Nah Coran just walked in one day, the students assumed he was their teacher and the rest is history wink wonk

GorgeousMan: At first it was fun, but now I'm beginning to see the errors of my way!

Lancylance: sksksksk not so fun when u have to pay for ur own healthcare now IS it?

White[youalways]Lion: BRUH don't even at us rn we've been eating nothing but pasta in various sauces and it's actually making me deadass sad :,(

Hero: Oh boy, my favorite- Tear salted pasta!

GorgeousMan: Hey now, I can cook a mean mushroom ravioli or my name isn't Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe! I even know how to twirl spaghetti on a fork now.

HunkyDory: Awhh that is so sad,,,  
HunkyDory: And as an American I don't care! (^~^)

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: How could u? :,0

HunkyDory: Easily :)

White[youalways]Lion: >:(

Radium: I'm amazed you guys aren't dying from scurvy

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Excuse u we just bought a vetagabel yesterday and it was delicious okie? We kno how to feed ourselves bc we're adults okie???

Pidgeotto: U spell vegetable like ure four or Lance

Lancylance: Pidgey :,(

HunkyDory: It's true isn't it?

Lancylance: sad lads rise up

Pidgeotto: Arrested for good this time

Lancylance: awh...

Hero: Don't worry we pay bail for all our children

Lancylance: i'm saved!

Hero: All our queer* children- Ugh stupid autocorrect!

Lancylance: tHiS iS hEtErOpHoBiC-

Pidgeotto: Yes, that is the point.

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksk

Radium: Lance are u staying for dinner? We're making hamburgers and I need to know how many to make

Lancylance: oh HELL yea y'all make some gd awesome burgers

Hero: Our secret is that we stole the Krabby Patty formula  
Hero: And we're southern but anyways

HunkyDory: Yo and u ain't gonna share it with us? Specifically me???

Radium: Nah. U don't need another leg up on us anyways.

HunkyDory: True, true, true

Pidgeotto: Are u going to save me some?

Radium: Nah

Pidgeotto: >:/  
Pidgeotto: That's not very cash money of u

Radium: Boo hoo Shorty McGee go cry me a new AI

HunkyDory: And I oop-

[Friday, 7:29]  
MyBf?GaveMe*The*Succ💙 has changed their name to Fuck you Lance.

Fuck: Fuck you Lance  
Fuck: Wait that looks weird  
Fuck: Shit

Pidgeotto: Amazing, just amazing

GorgeousMan: Incredible!

HunkyDory: Show stopping,

Fuck: Shut the fUCK UP guys

White[youalways]Lion: We would never dream of it Keith :)

Fuck: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUDDENLY HERE GOD

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Because we love you :)

Pidgeotto: I like watching people suffer

Fuck you Lance has changed their name to Keith Habersberger.

Keith: wElL fUcK oFf ThEn

Pidgeotto: Nah

Lancylance: henhenhen~

Keith: I hate u how could u have done this to me- AND AFTER WE FEED YOU DINNER TOO

Lancylance: awh Keithyboy it's adorable that u would think that that could have ever stopped me

Keith: Ure such a fake fuckin' friend unbeLIEVAble

White[youalways]Lion: Awh c'mon it couldn't have been that bad if u two cuddle for ur entire two hour nap now can it ;)

Keith: lAnCe U bItCh WhAt ThE fUcK-

Pidgeotto: Ah so that WAS real, nice one Keith

HunkyDory: Lol!!

Lancylance: hey now- that was a private chat bebé how could u do so to me???

White[youalways]Lion: V easily

Keith: Ugh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Sksksksk what a cuddle thot- I even called it earlier!!

Lancylance: nOoOoOo!!!

HunkyDory: What even was ur excuse,,, lmao

Keith: MY excuse was that I was tired- T I R E D okay- Mrs Daibazaal kicks serious ass in her assessments

Pidgeotto: Okay, alright, uh huh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'm sure sweetheart

HunkyDory: Mmhmm I'm completely positive

Keith: sToP-

GorgeousMan: Naaah.

White[youalways]Lion: Never Keith :)

Lancylance: pfft- Coran

GorgeousMan: Oh come on, you must admit that Keith should man up and accept his soft side already!

Keith: UGH

Lancylance: i do i do lmao

Keith: U G H -

Pidgeotto: Platonically cuddling with another man is a v soft thing to do Keef just admit it already

HunkyDory: Hell yeah!!! Join us softbois!!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Softboi!! Softboi!! Softboi!!

GorgeousMan: I recognize the connotations of softbo'y' and I upgrade you to a certified Softboi instead, my boi! ;D

* * *

[Friday, 7:43]

Piduigi: Cough ""platonically"" cough

Bowsette: I WILL SQUISH UR TINY DEMON HEAD

Piduigi: Henhenhen

* * *

HunkyDory: AWH LOOK AT CORAN WINK EXCITEDLY!!!

Keith: no

White[youalways]Lion: Do it rn Keith!!!

Keith: no!!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: There's nothing wrong with being a softboi Keef!!! Embrace ur inner boi!!!!!

Lancylance: yea dude just fess up to it u bc i kno u enjoyed sleeping on my pillowy chest like all the ladies do ;)

HunkyDory: Pfft- okay Lance

Keith: Actually it was pretty uncomfortable even after only like five minutes- You're a very boney person

White[youalways]Lion: A h a

Lancylance: EXCUSE ME!!?!!??

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: You're excused Lonce

Lancylance: .

Pidgeotto: Ha got 'em

Keith: THANK U KARMA

HunkyDory: Smh buddy,,, why u gotta open urself up to it like that

Lancylance: i came out here to have a good time and honestly i'm feeling so attacked right now-

Keith: Then don't snitch bitches bitch!!

Lancylance: ur the bitch here u cuddle bitch

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: My goodness it's another cat fight!!!

GorgeousMan: Stay back everyone, we wouldn't want to be in the path of a stray, flying wig!

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk these gurls always be wildin in these wests

Pidgeotto: They be doing what in the where now

HunkyDory: They be westing in them there wilds Pidge god don't u listen

Pidgeotto: Hey now there Hunk, that's MY thing bitch

Keith: hA hajGhAhva pID GE deAl w/ It

GorgeousMan: Alrighty!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Are u okay???

Keith: No

Lancylance: hey Keithyboy guess what

Keith: Fuckin' what

Lancylance has changed Keith's name to ElLoboSolitario.

HunkyDory: Oh nonono-

Lancylance: oh yeus 

GorgeousMan: Ah well, this family was nice while it lasted.

ElLoboSolitario: OH OF FUCKIN' COURSE YOU WOULD LANCE AND OF ALL THINGS YOU WOULD CHOOSE THIS

Pidgeotto: LANCE TAKE UR HAND OUT OF THE FUCKING FIRE-

Lancylance: no :^)

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ohhhh boy Keef's going to kill you for sure now

Lancylance: yes :,^)

White[youalways]Lion: Ya betta sTaPh- STAHP *screams*

ElLoboSolitario: [JPEG Image]

Lancylance: nooooo!!!

HunkyDory: Just me n the boys at 3am

ElLoboSolitario: [JPEQ Image]

White[youalways]Lion: Wtf don't enhance it-

Pidgeotto: That stupid fucking cryptic meme gets me every time lmao

ElLoboSolitario: [JPEQ Image]

GorgeousMan: Awh... You drew an unsettling face on it...

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh that's too creepy looking someone send a sfw sauske

Lancylance: !!!!

Pidgeotto: [JPEG Image]  
Pidgeotto: There

ElLoboSolitario: Hey wtf- my bean meme!

HunkyDory: Why do u still have a sfw sauske?

Pidgeotto: Sigh,,,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: The dick pics are rampant this time of year-

White[youalways]Lion: Bruh don't I know it

HunkyDory: Awh I'm sorry gals

ElLoboSolitario: Why are we talking about all the dick pics I don't get when I'm sending a perfectly good meme to y'all for once?!

Pidgeotto: "Perfectly good" okay sure whatever u say man

Lancylance: my dude my guy my man that meme? it just really ain't it chief

ElLoboSolitario: >:(

GorgeousMan: Well, I thought it was beautiful.

ElLoboSolitario: Thank YA fer sayin' so unlike SOME folks

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk so Texan

GorgeousMan: Yes, it encapsulates the young's erratic need for relatability in a world changing too drastically to cope with the existential crisis of life!

HunkyDory: BAD CORAN

Lancylance: cOrAn No!

Pidgeotto: Listen here u fucking babyboomer-

ElLoboSolitario: Jesus Christ man mistake me for a millennial next time would you

GorgeousMan: Okay!  
GorgeousMan: Why are you killing the condiment industry?

ElLoboSolitario: Nvm just kill me instead pls

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: *does the titanic song on the kazoo*

White[youalways]Lion: Actually that was a recorder

Pidgeotto: There goes Keith again, probably being all sensually western too

Lancylance: is there even an important difference Allura

GorgeousMan: Well, I mean-

HunkyDory: Is there even a difference between BSC engineering and BSC engineering technology

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Is... Is there?

Pidgeotto: No because they both leave u dead inside

Lancylance: exactly as i was told in chambers ur honor and may the defensive sleep on it-

White[youalways]Lion: No offence but if u were my alibi Lonce I would still go to jail

Lancylance: that's fair tbh

HunkyDory: I feel so uncomfortable with how u used phrased that cuz like it's sorta right but not really

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: He did his best!

Lancylance: yeus i did uwu

ElLoboSolitario: [Voice Note •---------- 2:07s]

HunkyDory: Oh- that's amazing

Pidgeotto: If I wasn't laughing before then I am now

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh look at u do the kazoo Keef!!!

ElLoboSolitario: Music is my medicine in this world

HunkyDory: Okay good night when Keith turns phucking emo is when I know I need to go to sleep the most

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: G'night!

Lancylance: nightie night

ElLoboSolitario: Nobody dies a virgin bc life fucks us all

White[youalways]Lion: U aren't wrong lmafo

Lancylance: oh yea but like,,, i'm still trying tah hit u feel me?

White[youalways]Lion: I feel u boo

Pidgeotto: I feel u too

Lancylance: Oh no-

ElLoboSolitario: I feel u three

Lancylance: why are u all touching me

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: :)

Lancylance: wtf

Pidgeotto: :)

ElLoboSolitario: :)

Lancylance: jfc

White[youalways]Lion: :)

Lancylance: uh huh no me gusta

Lancylance has left the chat.

ElLoboSolitario: >:(

White[youalways]Lion: >:(

Pidgeotto: >:(

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: :(((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having the hardest fight with my tags lmao I just want to upload all of them in a certain order but as soon as I hit save or post they're out of order and some of them go missing. Ya may want to check them again time to time because I'll randomly think of new stuff I want to tag
> 
> Also, I've started writing irl version of this chapter that I might actually finish?? And will definitely post if I do???????


	7. Wrong Number - The Cure

[Friday, 8:14 PM]  
Leonardo Adolf De La Rosa-McWhyDidYouStopReadingThisIsMyName had been added to the chat by White[youalways]Lion.

Pidgeotto: For the love of god pls change ur account name Lance it's killing me to use screenreader only to hear that catastrophe-

Leonardo: ur just jelly u don't have a magnificent name botch

Pidgeotto: I guess mystery substance in your pillowcase will have to suffice

Leonardo Adolf De La Rosa-McWhyDidYouStopReadingThisIsMyName has changed their name to Lancylance.

Lancylance: :/

Pidgeotto: Account. Name.

Lancylance: :///

[Saturday, 1:57 AM]  
ElLoboSolitario has changed their name to Keith.

[Saturday, 10:34 AM]  
HunkyDory has made Lancylance the chat leader.

HunkyDory: One problem down ninety nine left to go  
HunkyDory: Guys, I've only now just realized something,,,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Realised what Hunk? :0

HunkyDory: Remember that program we're supposed to do for the elementary?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yes I do!! It didn't get cancelled, did it? >:,0

Lancylance: no it's still happening this next friday? what's wrong buddy

HunkyDory: What's wrong is that I forgot it was happening this upcoming week and not the next,,,,,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: What  
(Rom)elle(Com)elle: OH NO IS IT?!

Lancylance: but like how tho

HunkyDory: I'm sowwwwyyyy :,(((

Pidgeotto: Smh look at these unbelievable nerds, how dare they have the audacity to say they are functional human adults

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: HEY THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!

Keith: I watched you buy two entire packs of energy drinks like it was beer yesterday there is no way you remembered you didn't have this weekend free

Lancylance: hen hen

Pidgeotto: Shut the fuck up KeViN you've just lost ur game night invite, it's not my fault midterms kick ass and that was for THIS weekend - like TODAY - anyways nERD

HunkyDory: So aggressive,,

Keith: My name's Jeff

White[youalways]Lion: Akxksnsksmz what are we gonna do? Are y'all still going then???

Keith: Yeah

Lancylance: I definitely am!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I am too! I'll just have to let my project partner know what's up

HunkyDory: I should be as so long as none of my teachers pull a last minute dick move to phuck up my schedule

Pidgeotto: What're we doing there again?

White[youalways]Lion: Aren't u supposed to be the one who remembers everything

Pidgeotto: Y'all hear smth?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: How r00d!!

Lancylance: the kiddies are having field day and we're helping with the activities so we (and by we i mean u u soulless ace) can get easy volunteer credits!

Pidgeotto: Lmfao I didn't make the credits free n easy, I know that but like what specifically are we doing there man?

HunkyDory: Well,,, it's usually stuff like relay, face painting, cake walks, apple bobbing, other things

Keith: Don't they have a lil western dance too?

Lancylance: that's only on western day u thirsty cowboy

Keith: Disappointing

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk so what's our transport situation like?

Keith: Idk but I could take Adam's car and pick most of u up from whatever morning classes u get off from

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Hmm <_<

HunkyDory: Nu-uh no thanks bro

White[youalways]Lion: How about we don't do that...

Lancylance: u rlly cannot be serious right here rn Keith-

Keith: What?? I can drive!?

Pidgeotto: Keith I hate to be the one to tack on stereotypes all willy nilly here but you are such a chaotic Can't Drive Bc I'm Too Aggressive kind of gay that it physically hurts

Keith: Stfu no I am not-

HunkyDory: Like I've literally passed out in the passenger seat before bc u whipped around a corner so gd fast

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I don't think I've ever seen you SEE a stop sign and then STOP at a that stop sign without someone pointing it out for you first

White[youalways]Lion: Remember that one time we took your brand spanking new birthday motorcycle to downtown,,, and then never brought it back bc it had to be taken to the dump? Yeah, yeah neither of us can rlly drive lmao

Keith: All of u shut the fuckin' fuck up- that's just ur inner bitches speaking

Pidgeotto: Ure not wrong Keith, but unfortunately neither am I

Lancylance: I CAN DRIVE US THEN!! I'm good at driving :D

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: That's a much better option thank you Lonce

Keith: Wtf Rom- how dare u!!

HunkyDory: Easily, ur a phucking disaster Keith

Lancylance: Rachel got a fucking soccer mom car for cheap a couple of months ago and I'm sure she'll let me take it!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Perfect!

HunkyDory: Is it bad of me to feel more secure in Lance's hands than anyone else atm?

Lancylance: sniff Hunk's ur a meanie :(

HunkyDory: Sowwy buddy

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Well, I mean... He did get his drivers licence on the first try!

White[youalways]Lion: And there's not exactly a lot of hoes here that can say the same thing anxksnsksxjsn

Lancylance: happy sniff Allura's nice :)

Keith: Stop attacking me u asshats >:(

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: No thanks

Pidgeotto: Matt just got his license too, I could totally steal it from him if we need another driver

HunkyDory: No Pidge don't-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: That is illegal!!!

Keith: The height would be off u fuckin' shorty

Pidgeotto: Oh like anyone cares- It's only a difference of three fucking inches, I can easily wear any pair of Allura's boots and be fine if we get pulled over  
Pidgeotto: But we're not bc it's literally only ten miles away

White[youalways]Lion: Omg,,, Like,,,,, Don't call me out like that,,,,,,,,,,,

Lancylance: is that the example u wanna give to children Pidgey? that ur a criminal- a fraud?

Pidgeotto: WHY WOULD THEY EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT??

Keith: Smh yer setting a horrible example for our future generations

Pidgeotto: Omfg, fuck all y'all

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: So is that all we need to worry about for the event?

Lancylance: yeyeye

HunkyDory: Yeah, I think so. They said we can buy food from the cafeteria or bring some from home, so if you're buying you need to dring a couple bucks to pay but otherwise we should be all set

White[youalways]Lion: Great! Can't wait to be covered in germs and mysterious sticky substances together as a team!!!

Lancylance: ha says the one with cooties

White[youalways]Lion: WHAT.

HunkyDory: Gasp,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh no!!!

Keith: Ha ha ha ure all gIRLS-

Pidgeotto: Damn it really be like that sometimes huh?

White[youalways]Lion: NO!!!!!

Lancylance: hen hen henennw wkwozmanamw

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: THIS IS UNFAIR!!!

Pidgeotto: It's how cooties work, put some Fs in the chat lads

Keith: F

HunkyDory: F

Lancylance: f

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: F!!!

White[youalways]Lion: grrrr,,,,,

HunkyDory: Can someone pls tell me why there are actual adult people letting seven year olds take care of other seven year olds again?

Keith: Shut up Hunk u have a gf that u kiss which means ure directly effected by the cooties too

Lancylance: GASP! Keith's rite!!!

HunkyDory: HEY NOW SHAY IS A KIND AND LOVING QUEEN U LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS DISGRACEFUL DISCUSSION

White[youalways]Lion: HUNK WE HAVE TO SPREAD OUR DISEASE TO THEM

Keith: NO-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh my,,,

HunkyDory: OKIE DOKIE!

Lancylance: bitch u can't get ME i am the KING of the monkey bars

White[youalways]Lion: LITERALLY FITE ME LONCE

Lancylance: I WILL PRINCESS

Pidgeotto: Didn't u get a concussion the last time u tried to speed scale the gymnastic dome tho

Lancylance: n-no i was looking hella sick in front of my niblings and their impressionable friends >:,D

Keith: Oh u were looking pretty sick in front of them alright

Lancylance: shut up kEiTh

HunkyDory: This is why they removed all the cool stuff from the playgrounds man smh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Anywho- Whilst you guys are kiddie slapping each other, Pidge and I will be playing the four squares game!!

Pidgeotto: Lmafo yes we will Rom, all four of the squares I promise u that

White[youalways]Lion: What about me waifu can I join u two to four?  
White[youalways]Lion: That sounded cooler in my mind

Lancylance: what does this say i can't math

HunkyDory: I'm p sure one of us can bud

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yes of course waifu! You can be the King to rule all the lands!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Hell YEAH kneel before your new King bitches

Pidgeotto: *kneels* M'lady uwu

Keith: Yer not gonna be the king Rom?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: noooo i wanna be a royal!!!

HunkyDory: A king is royalty tho?

Lancylance: shhh ur not supposed to question a lesbian's logic-

Pidgeotto: Yeah Hunk!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: nO- iTs NoT tHe SaMe!!

White[youalways]Lion: What

Keith: How?!

Lancylance: why y'all so queenphobic tho??

HunkyDory: I'm not queenphobic I'm just allergic to stupidity

Pidgeotto: If a prince marries a Queen he'll always be a prince but if a princess marries a King she'll become Queen by default and since Allura is already part royalty she might as well be King and make Romelle a Queen

White[youalways]Lion: Oh shite I never thought about it like that...

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: ^^^ Exactly sis I'm trying to get that title of majesty hehe

Keith: Damn can't argue with that lesbian logic

HunkyDory: Wtf guys this is four square not tHE ACTUAL ENGLISH MONARCHY?!??!?

Lancylance: Says u bitch sksksk

HunkyDory: WAIT WHY CAN'T U BOTH BE QUEENS?!?!!?!

White[youalways]Lion: CUZ FUCK U I'M THE KING NOW THAT'S WHY

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I RULE THE DOMAIN OF THIS PLAYGROUND AND I DEMAND TO WRITTEN AS A QUEEN IN ITS NOBLE HISTORY

Keith: Let's go lesbians-

Pidgeotto: I am forever in ur service m'lady

Lancylance: Slay 👏🏽 You 👏🏽 Funky 👏🏽 Lesbian 👏🏽 Slay 👏🏽

HunkyDory: Oh my god u guys

[Saturday, 6:14 PM]

Radium: Awh look at the children being sort of responsible adults and shit

Lancylance: uwu of course padre

Radium: If only Keith could do that with his own bedroom too  
Radium: And his chores  
Radium: And his dog

Keith: Jfc shut up ur not my mom

Lancylance: GASP THE DISOBEDIENCE

Radium: And his gd aTtItUdE-

Keith: Listen I never agreed to being a good child of god oKaY aDaM-

Lancylance: obv

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Clearly

GorgeousMan: Stay safe out there young ones!

Pidgeotto: Oh look who's suddenly early for a change

White[youalways]Lion: What are American children dangerous now too???

GorgeousMan: Hush, tiny child.

Radium: Depends on what they're holding and what kinda lunch was stolen from them

Lancylance: mm too true

Keith: The fuckin' fuck-

GorgeousMan: They certainly can be! But no, it's starting to heat up out there and you can never be too safe when battling the sun AND climate change.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Is it really necessary this time of year?

Keith: Coran ure the best uncle in the world and everything but u can never make me wear sunscreen in the fuckin' spring

Lancylance: then Perish

Pidgeotto: Ditto, I will live as god intended: a gremlin ravaging the local Best Buy

GorgeousMan: Alrighty then, it is nice to have goals in life.

White[youalways]Lion: Okay enjoy burning to death Pidge lmao

HunkyDory: You guys are literally tomato babies and could never survive without the invention of sunscreen- Rom included

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh no :,0

Keith: No we fuckin' ain't-

Pidgeotto: Fuck u Hunk, u don't fucking know me like that

HunkyDory: Yeah cuz five years means nothing to white people

GorgeousMan: :(

White[youalways]Lion: H h h n n n n n g g -

Lancylance: henhenhen it's funny to laugh at white people's pain >:D(

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Don't make fun of us Lonce!!! What ever happened to our white mum bond?!?!!! :,(((

Hero: Simple Rom we burn and they sparkle

Radium: HA! What's that? Sorry, I can't hear you over our superior gEnEtIcS-

GorgeousMan: Now, now, if you all would just wear the appropriate amount of sunscreen and reapply it every thirty minutes you should be perfectly fine!

Keith: And smell like a chemical dump wasteland? I don't fuckin' think so

Lancylance: hey bro

HunkyDory: Yea bro?

Lancylance: sorry bro not u the other bro

HunkyDory: Okay bro

White[youalways]Lion: Me bro?

Lancylance: no sorry bro the other other bro

Keith: Not this shit AGAIN-

GorgeousMan: Hen.  
GorgeousMan: Perhaps me, my broy?

Lancylance: i wish broncle but it's gonna have to be a big no bro

Hero: Bro? Broski, me bro??

Lancylance: nah bro, the bro brohind u-

Radium: Brohind- What the fuck

Pidgeotto: Bro c'mon, which bro we talking about bro? Me, Brieth, or Bromelle, bro.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Bro is it me bro???

Lancylance: bro, have to again say no bro, i'm trying to reach our Brieth bro, bros

Keith: What do u fuckin' want-

Lancylance: uhhhh i'm the mudafuckiN-  
Lancylance: M A N A G E R

White[youalways]Lion: At the bread store?

GorgeousMan: BREAD.

Keith: Okay... And why tf do I care??

HunkyDory: Bro, bro shhh bro,,,

Keith: Why

Pidgeotto: Shhhhh bro

Hero: It's going to be alright Breith

Keith: I already know it's not-

Lancylance has changed Keith's name to Casper the Sunburnt Ghost.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh how lovely Lonce!

Casper: FUCKIN' WHY?!

Lancylance: brocause i can uwu

HunkyDory: Ha,,, get got fool

Radium: Awh it's such a fitting name for u son :)

Casper: dO nOt FuCk WiTh Me-

GorgeousMan: "I will cry."

Pidgeotto: He's got the power of god AND anime on his side

Hero: My vibe is more like- Hey u can pour soup in my lap and I'll probably apologize to u

Casper: oH mY gOd FuCk OfF yOu GuYs

Radium: We will when u learn to use sunscreen and answer our texts

Casper: I LITERALLY HAVEN'T EVEN ACTUALLY GHOSTED IN FOREVER NOW-

GorgeousMan: The lie dector has determined that was a lie.

Lancylance: that's not what our read receipts say Keithyboy

Pidgeotto: That's just what the government wants us to think u cryptid

Casper: Ugh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Maybe u should consider not sucking Keith?

HunkyDory: I'm loving that advice Rom!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Why ty Hunk!

Casper: U G H I'M BEING BULLIED

Lancylance: Sksksksksk~

Hero: Funny thing- I was told that in my freshman year and yet I'm still gay and a disaster and a gay disaster

White[youalways]Lion: Walk back into the chat like what up we got thirsty bottoms

Hero: Hey now don't expose me-

Radium: That was me and it was before ur gay was even fully awakened binch

HunkyDory: So, this has turned into queer eye out of nowhere,,,

Pidgeotto: Has it? I don't even watch it tbh

Hero: U say that but I still was eyeing Ryan Gosling back when he was Alan Bosley bICTH

Lancylance: AHA

Radium: Ryan- wHY THAT DWEEB THO??

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Bc he has a cute smile Adam gosh  
(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Or at least I assume so but idk I'm British

White[youalways]Lion: And lesbian

Hero: HE WAS THE CUTEST OF THEM ALL I PROMISE U THAT AT THE VERY LEAST ADAM-

GorgeousMan: I thought you were American?

Pidgeotto: Damn stop making me snort, it's gonna hurt my inside lmfao

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Never! >:0

Radium: I haven't watched any football movies before so I don't have high hopes but if he isn't the cutest mofo in the world ure some losing quality touchy touchy time Takashi

Hero: Awh nooo :,(

Lancylance: hen hen i like touchy touchy as a name imma steal that one

Casper: Can y'all fuckin' turn ur thirsting down to a god damn six- I'm trying to STUDY over here

Pidgeotto: Lookin at porn again aren't u

Casper: Stfu Pidge

Lancylance: oh so he is then

Casper: Sshut up

Lancylance: hey fucking words up is supposed to be my thing-

Radium: Hey now- We're here to be ur healthy gay role models u youngin songin of ah gun and that means expressing our vulnerable feelings and emotions with each other like Men™️

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ew?

GorgeousMan: Sure.

HunkyDory: Thanks but no thanks

Casper: I'm chucking my phone in the sewer

Pidgeotto: I like it when everyone keeps it in their pants thank you

Radium: Touchy touchy time is healthy and normal y'all!

Pidgeotto: Gag me with a spoon pls

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yeah but I mean do we reaaaallly have to listen to ur wanking stories though???

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksks yea! What the Queen said!!!

Hero: We didn't say jerk off we said touchy touchy it's completely different guys-

Lancylance: sorry- i had to laugh

Radium: >:/

HunkyDory: U kno he had to do it to em

Hero: SNUGGLING! We are talking about SNUGGLING!! The thing that is good for all humans!!!

Casper: I know for a fact ure not talking about cuddling bitch

Radium: Hush

Hero: Is that a John Mulaney reference-

Radium: Hush

Lancylance: well it is now

Pidgeotto: Tbh I'm like ninety nine percent sure that there's a group of fangirls in our grade that actively writes fanfic about y'alls relationship on tumblr

Hero: What- for real??

Radium: Who tf would do that??

Lancylance: yea,,, i sure do wonder

White[youalways]Lion: yeah me too,,,,,

Casper: Wtf guys-

Hero: ,,,,,

Radium: Interesting... Thanks for supporting your fellow gays

White[youalways]Lion: Yup that's what we were doing

Lancylance: definitely the whole time

Pidgeotto: Case in point, these two bitches

Casper: I need a drink

Hero: ANYWAYS KIDS- Have FUN on your FIELD TRIP.

Pidgeotto: Lmfao sure thing dad, have fun with ur nasty touchy touchy time

Hero: IN FACT- I WILL!

Lancylance: he said that so proudly too lmao

Casper: And for the love of god don't send details-

Radium: We will

Casper: D O N T- THAT SPELLS DON'T ADAM

Radium: Such a squirmy wormy lmao

White[youalways]Lion: Hell yeah man hElL yEa


	8. Car Phone - Julian Smith

[Sunday, 5:42 PM]

Hero: Oh my fucking god y'all will never know where I'm texting from right now this is fucking stupid amazing holy shit I am literally GOD in this chilis tonight

Radium: It is actually pretty dope but I hate that it even exist at all

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: What is it???

Radium: Uhhhh- Well  
Radium: It's uhhhh,,,

Hero: THE BEST GD THING IN THE UNIVERSE THATS WHAT

Lancylance: take a pic or it didn't happen

Casper: Guys I'm scared there's a delusional man in my kitchen and he won't stop trying to fit his super weak but also weirdly super buff body inside my fridge so he can live in it forever and his scary passive aggressive lover is only spurring him on with potatos and cottage cheese and leftovers please send help I think they're going to kill me-

Pidgeotto: What in the actual FUCK guys

White[youalways]Lion: ANSKXODWJ WHAT TF IS GOING ON OVER THERE?!??!!

HunkyDory: Shiro what the phuck that's not what I modified ur fridge for dude

Hero: But it's so coooooool Hunk-

Lancylance: i have never laughed harder in my entire life than i just did now Keith i am so madly in love with u

White[youalways]Lion: And I oop-

Casper: Ohkay

Lancylance: no homo obv bro

Keith: Yea obv ha

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Okay then

Pidgeotto: Moving on from that, why the fuck are u in the fridge Shiro

Hero: Because this is cool!!!! I'm INSIDE the fridge and TEXTING with all y'all. What do u not get!!!!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Wait is the fridge what you're texting on??? Is that what I'm getting from this???

Radium: Unfortunately

Casper: [JPEG Image]  
Casper: Yeah

Lancylance: THAT *IS* FUCKING DOPE OMG

HunkyDory: No it's not that's not what it's for!!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: What's it for???

Pidgeotto: It's its own Bluetooth and wifi hotspot that has the ability to take pictures and process text so u can see what u have in ur fridge and on ur grocery list from ur phone

White[youalways]Lion: Holy cannoli that's amazing!

HunkyDory: UwU

Lancylance: yea ud make a TON of money off of people like me lmao

Radium: Who cares about that?! Shiro's going to spoil our ice cream bases and we'll never end up using this damn ice cream maker >:(

Hero: Does it matter?? I'm INSIDE a FRIDGE and TEXTING people FROM it HELL yeah ADAM

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Isn't that completely useless and not to mention uncomfortable?

Hero: Why- yes it is! :)

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksksk a child

HunkyDory: Are u ever going to use the mod's actual purpose?

Casper: Why- no we're not! :)

HunkyDory: Kool kool kool that's kool thanks

Radium: Don't worry I'll make sure your master skills don't go to waste in this family

HunkyDory: Ty <3

Radium: Ofc <3

Lancylance: is Shiro gonna come out tho?

Hero: Idk it's getting pretty comfy in here

Casper: I think he's reminiscing the part of his childhood that he spent in the closet

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Hehehe

White[youalways]Lion: SKSKSKSKSKSK

Hero: Keith u are fucking grounded and ur edgy heavy cream ice cream base is MINE now

Casper: YOU'RE FUCKIN' MORE LACTOSE INTOLERANT THAN ME WTF SHITO

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Sh,,, ito,,,

Radium: You're all so fucking stupid why am I married to u again??

Hero: Because I bought a big ass rock to woo u with

Lancylance: and who said romance was dead

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Toxic men!

HunkyDory: Oh yeah...

Casper: While we're on that topic I should probably tell y'all Kosmo stole ur banded amethyst again- I found it behind the shed this morning so he probably got to it when Lance was over

White[youalways]Lion: Baby!

Lancylance: oh no!!

Radium: KEITH WTF

Pidgeotto: OH GOD NOT MY SISTER

Hero: The cheap one or the expensive one son-

Casper: Uhhhhhh I uh I don't think uhhh its really not all that uhhh important and it's totally not the uhhh expensive one,,, yea!

Pidgeotto: NO OH GOD PLS NO

HunkyDory: Oh boy looks like someone's dying today!

White[youalways]Lion: We'll pray for u down here Keef

Radium: Keith I am legitimately thinking of tying a gd giant ass cowbell onto that hell beast of yours

Lancylance: awh not the babey!!

Casper: But he doesn't like the loud noises Adam :(

Radium: Do I look like Shiro?? Those puppy eyes aren't gonna work on me young man!

Hero: But Adam :(

Casper: !!!!! >:(

Lancylance: what about my puppy eyes my good man

Radium: Oh hell no keep them tf away from me-

Casper: LANCE QUICK I NEED UR FACE

Radium: NO DO NOT

Lancylance: that's gay bro  
Lancylance: but alright

Casper: I'm-  
Casper: Just send the stupid selfie Lance

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ooooh!!

Radium: NO

Lancylance: [JPEG Image]

Radium: NO GOD PLEASE NO

HunkyDory: Just take my money already u dashingly handsome young man

Pidgeotto: Jesus is that what true innocence looks like, if so it's a horrifying tool of destruction

White[youalways]Lion: OH FUCK IM SO SORRY FOR ANY ATROCITIES I HAVE EVER COMMITTED I WAS WRONG I WAS SO WRONG TO DO THEM

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Blessed be thy Lord, Amen. Thank u for this food Father we shall cherish it with our mind bodies and souls tonight.

Radium: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Hero: I can't open it on the fridge but I assume it's a good pair of puppy eyes

Casper: Very

Lancylance: :^D

Pidgeotto: Wow, very huh?

Casper: Stfu

HunkyDory: Shiro why are you even in the fridge anyways? You couldn't just stand outside???

Hero: Because Adam was getting mad about me wasting all the ac in here

Radium: It's his dumbest solution to date but god I love him

Pidgeotto: Gaging, I'm literally gaging

Radium: Get over urself I'm allowed to be in love u hermit

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Caaaannn u feeeeeel

Lancylance: the looooovveeee

White[youalways]Lion: Toniiiiiiiighhhttttt~

Casper: Did you have to take out half the groceries tho? Like if you ruin our fijitas and guac I'll literally murder you, you know that right.

Hero: Yes but I also enjoy watching u suffer specifically

Radium: I'll also murder you Takashi and I'll sell everything, even the rocks. Especially the rocks.

Casper: Even me?

Radium: No, I'm not that cruel son- You will always belong to this family.

Hero: I'm gonna log out now- yawn! Good night guys today has been such a crazy adventure for sure :)

Pidgeotto: All it takes is casual homicide, as it should always be

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksk damn straight

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Dang gay!

GorgeousMan: Are you telling me I just missed the most important conversation of the century?

Lancylance: if Shiro being an aspiration of a human being and husband is personally important to u then yea man u did

GorgeousMan: It saddens me greatly that I only have the time to get on in the evening!

HunkyDory: Or u could just,

GorgeousMan: Could what?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Just you know

GorgeousMan: No, I'm afraid I totally completely definitely do not know.

Lancylance: oooohhhh u kno

GorgeousMan: Nope.

White[youalways]Lion: You could just text us while planning and grading :)

GorgeousMan: And have the portrait of Alfor stare into my guilty soul with knowing eyes? Never.

Lancylance: but Coraaaaaannnnn we misssss yyyyyyyoooooouuuuuuu

GorgeousMan: I miss you too, but I'm a responsible adult with responsible responsibilities!

Pidgeotto: It's the fucking WEEKEND Coran

GorgeousMan: Wow, I didn't even notice! Thank you for telling me!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Corannnn :,(((

GorgeousMan: Hush now dear!

Hero: Oh c'mon we're teachers too but here we are!

GorgeousMan: No offense Shiro, but I don't think a man that ruins most his groceries to stand in a fridge is a particularly... Uh...

Hero: I know what I am say it out loud

Casper: Yer babey

Hero: God damn it-

Lancylance: preach it

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Amen Father

White[youalways]Lion: He's the father the son AND the holy spirit!

Radium: What about me? I'm an actually responsible adult and I'm here for the kids!

GorgeousMan: How dare you! Parental guilting is immoral Adam.

Radium: Find someone who fuckiN cares then.

HunkyDory: Do we look like moral people to u

GorgeousMan: Stop that!

Casper: Adam u immediately failed me in an assessment last semester because your bullshit excuse of "hydrogen peroxide is illegal for you to touch" and I'm fuckin' twenty man

Hero: Feels like only yesterday u were twenty one :,)

Lancylance: que pasa?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Probably bc he was tipsy?

HunkyDory: Ohhh,,, yeah! He posted all those blurry snaps remember

Lancylance: yes i screenshoted them all

HunkyDory: Of course,

Radium: Well yeah bitch! ¿Qué sucede contigo? I can't let you understand the insane powers of Chemistry if I can help it Keith- You would have become a murderer too soon in life if you knew its secrets!

Pidgeotto: U kno it

White[youalways]Lion: Too true sis too true

Casper: What?? The fuck?? Guys?!

GorgeousMan: Does he not know? Well, I'm not going to tell him then.

Casper: TELL ME WHAT?!

Hero: Uhhh-

Pidgeotto: All in favor of never letting Keith figure this puzzle out say aye

GorgeousMan: Aye.

Lancylance: aye

White[youalways]Lion: Def aye

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Aye aye!!

Casper: What?????

Hero: Aye I'm scared I'd be the first victim

HunkyDory: Aye he would become too OP for this world

Casper: ?!??!!!??!!!! What am I missing here???

Lancylance: the ladies hold huge context clues Keithyboy

Casper: WHERE?!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Everywhere

White[youalways]Lion: All the time

Pidgeotto: For far too much of our lives

Casper: ,,,,,  
Casper: I'll admit I'm a lil scared now but I'm still looking this up

GorgeousMan: Good luck, have fun, and stay safe!

Radium: Don't tell Keith but I'm turning off the internet-

Hero: BUT ADAM I NEED THAT

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Bai Shiro! Bai Adam!

White[youalways]Lion: Hope u guys don't die whilst ur gone!

Lancylance: u will be dearly missed

Hero: nO wAiT-

HunkyDory: Sometimes I can still hear their voices

Radium: Lmfao chill y'all

Casper: Wait you can disOLVE BLOOD WITH HYDROGEN PEROXIDE?!!???!!!

GorgeousMan: He's done it! And it only took him until adulthood to learn about it.

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksk we get to roast Keef now on ur marks get ready go

Lancylance: very, kevin

Pidgeotto: My farts have a higher IQ

HunkyDory: What are u? An idiot phuckiN sandwich

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I wasn't aware you were an absolute pillock but I congratulate you on coming out

White[youalways]Lion: Keith we can't hear u underneath all that dumbass u need to take it off and air it out every once in a while

Casper: SHUT THE FUCK UP GUYS-

Lancylance: nah

Radium: Idk these are p good insults son

Casper: OMG PIDGE YOU WERE JOKING ABOUT THAT EXPLOSION EXPERIMENT FROM TWO MONTHS AGO WEREN'T YOU

Pidgeotto: I mEaN yEaH no SHIT dumbass, but don't fUCKING EXPOSE ME DUDE-

HunkyDory: You just broke rule number one not coolio dudio

Casper: IDC RN MY MIND HAS BEEN FUCKED BEYOND TIME AND SPACE

Hero: Good for u son...?

Casper: I'M GONNA GO KILL SOMEONE NOW THANKS GUYS!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: NO-

HunkyDory: Oh Keith pls don't,,,

White[youalways]Lion: Oh you're so very welcome my guy~

Radium: FUCK this is why I didn't- Keith don't sneak out of your room or I STG

GorgeousMan: This is it right here folks. These are the last few moments before we're going see Keith's face plastered everywhere on all media outlets for the next two months.

Hero: WAIT KEITH ARE YOU ACTUALLY OUTSIDE?? DID U LEAVE THE APARTMENT?! ARE THOSE CRINKLING OF LEAVES U RUNNING TO THE FRONT STREET-

Casper: Uj .o

Lancylance: omfg- Keithyboy ur so dead it's like u don't even have self preservation

White[youalways]Lion: Honestly?

Radium: KEITH COME BACK INSIDE WHAT THE FUCK DON'T ACTUALLY COMMIT HOMICIDE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Caspef: NON O NO- MOSMO

Pidgeotto: Ah shit here we go again

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: This is becoming all sorts of crazy once more!!

Hero: I'm having an aneurysm Keith-

HunkyDory: Pls don't Shiro u wouldn't survive the trip to the hospital

Hero: iM nOt EvEn ThAt OlD gUyS

Radium: Sigh-

Pidgeotto: It's okay Shiro, old people can still be kinda cool

Hero: Y u do dis :,(

Lancylance: Pidge don't antagonize ur elders

Hero: >:,(((

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ah, well that's odd...

HunkyDory: What's odd??

GorgeousMan: When he went "Nyooooom~!" I believe that I felt it emotionally.

Pidgeotto: Hen, nice

White[youalways]Lion: An Unidentified Flying Object has just gone by our dining room window

Radium: Is he really by your place already?!

GorgeousMan: Yup! Kosmo ran past with what seemed to be a humongous blue-green gemstone. Though, I hope neither of them get caught by any Garrison patrol.

Hero: OH NO PLEASE NOT THE ALEXANDRITE-

Lancylance: Kosmo would never get caught because he is a GOOD boy

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: But Keith's a bad boy! And Kosmo is his dog!!!

Pidgeotto: That ghosting emo is unbelievable, who'd sink their dog down with them that's cruel

GorgeousMan: And there goes Keith! Quite the sprinter I must say.

White[youalways]Lion: Does this always happen to y'all??? Bc this is out of control lmao

Lancylance: nine out of ten chance that when ur on a call with any of them this is what u hear it's literally the only reason they will ever pick up a phone call besides an emergency

Radium: SHHHHHHH SHHSHSHSSHHHH DO NOT SPEAK THOSE LIES HERE

HunkyDory: But they aren't tho and u know that!!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'm legitimately surprised you haven't actually tied a bell to that dog

Hero: HE'S BABEY ROM SHUSH

Pidgeotto: He's a five hundred pound bear-thing that routinely steals your rocks man, u guys need to get ur shit together lmfao

Casper: Shiroooo he's in a treeeeee :(

Lancylance: A tree?

Hero: WHAT

GorgeousMan: That's amazing!

Casper: Coran noooo :(((

Radium: This dog I want to fight this dog so much omg

Pidgeotto: WOW Adam OKAY-

Radium: HE STEALS ROCKS AND RUNS AWAY I FITE HIM NOW

Lancylance: nooooo! bebé!!!

White[youalways]Lion: HOW ARE U GONNA FITE A DOG???

Radium: I DON'T KNOW ALLURA HOW DOES A DOG CLIMB A TREE?!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Sksksksk it's not a fish!!

Lancylance: wait Keith are u fuckjkinnhhh-

Casper: If u say I'm a bad dog owner I will hurt u Lance

Lancylance: [JPEG Image]

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: A BABY!

GorgeousMan: What in the quiznak.

HunkyDory: IS THAT ACTUALLY KOSMO-

Pidgeotto: HE IS IN A TREE OH MY FUCKING GOD DUDE

Casper: Oh wait fuck I'm across the stREET FROM YOUR HOUSE?!??!! This bitchhhh-

Lancylance: HELL YEAH YOU ARE MY MAN I'M COMING TO PET UR DOG AGAIN!!!!!!

Hero: Oh my god Keith oh my fucking god

White[youalways]Lion: DAMN BITCH THAT'S HELLA FAR AWAY THO

Pidgeotto: That's like five miles away, how tf are u already there Keith???

HunkyDory: Four but that's still fucking amazing!! Keith that didn't even take u ten minutes???

GorgeousMan: You could outrun Usain Bolt with enough training!

Casper: Yeah well adrenaline is a hell of a high

Hero: How do u plan to get Kosmo back down??

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Have Lance climb to him!!

Lancylance: sksksksk if it means i get to pet a cutie patoodie perrito-

White[youalways]Lion: As any sane person would do in this situation

Lancylance: Keith just called me a dog slut on main and yet this bitch passing out from chasing one smh

HunkyDory: Yea yea ur a furry Lance we kno

Lancylance: nO-

Pidgeotto: Just admit it bro

Lancylance: nO?!?!!

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksk but u are

Radium: Just- The dog Lance por favorrrrrr

Lancylance: let me CLIMB then HUSH

Pidgeotto: Are you guys just gonna let Keith drag Kosmo back or?

Hero: No Adam's already driving us to Lance's and we have a leash on hand

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oooo someone's texting and driving-

Casper: GOOD I'm not carrying his big dumb ass back by myself

Hero: "Red light means you do whatever you want because you're GUCCI"

White[youalways]Lion: This is turning out to be quite the journey sksksksk

GorgeousMan: You can say that again.

White[youalways]Lion: This is turning out to be quite the journey sksksksk

HunkyDory: You can say that again,,,

Casper: No-

White[youalways]Lion: This is turning out to be quite the-

Casper: sTOP

Pidgeotto: You can say that-

Casper: nO

Lancylance: u can-

Casper: zIP IT

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Encore waifu! Encore!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Nah I think chasing ur dog down is punishment enough lmao

Hero: For what??

Casper: FOR FUCKIN' WHAT-  
Casper: Fuck u guys my ride is here I don't need any of u anymore

Lancylance: ull be back for us

HunkyDory: Ur chauffeur has water at the ready for u sir,,,

Casper: Thanks Alfred it means a lot

Hero: Never in my life did I think getting a rescue would be this chaotic  
Hero: "I did I just didn't think it would have been of this variety" Adam is as bad at adulting as I am!!

Pidgeotto: That doesn't prove anything Shiro lmfao

GorgeousMan: I'll say! This is quite the drama. You might want to become more serious about training him, especially around rocks...

Casper: I'm gonna call Krolia she knows dogs better than any of u hoes

Hero: AWH- She's gonna give us that Disappointed look :,(

Casper: Why do y'all think she hates u??

Lancylance: it's because she has ur exact face and u hate everything

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Mm mm mm!!

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksks exactly!

Casper: Shut the fUCK up- no we don't

Pidgeotto: But he's rite

Casper: sHuT uP

Lancylance: but she's rite

Casper: uP sHuT

Hero: :,(

Casper: sHuP

* * *

[Sunday, 7:02 PM]

Taylor: Give my child one more kiss goodbye for me :,(

Mullet has changed Taylor's name to Furryass.

Furryass: WOW- that's uncalled for binch

Mullet: And that's the point :)

Furryass: hmmphh!


	9. Chantilly Lace - Big Bopper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, a self-proclaimed crackfic writer, trying to introduce diversity so people with little knowledge about certain things know what's happening but also giving y'all some down time while setting up foreshadowing and attempt angst in an incoming chapter: _**PARCORE-**_

* * *

[Monday, 5:34 PM]

Lancylance: Pidgey of all times u bother to lock ur front door it has to be now?? that's so unaccommodating of u smh

Pidgeotto: That's because I'm in electrotherapy rn dude

Lancylance: sorry in the who's it what now

Pidgeotto: Electrotherapy, I'm willingly having electricity shot through my back as a muscle therapy

Lancylance: damn- the things we humans think of is amazing

White[youalways]Lion: I don't like the sound of that it feels like ur getting too close to becoming a cyborg

HunkyDory: Honestly,,,

Pidgeotto: That would be dope, but not today Princess  
Pidgeotto: I'm not at home rn and neither is the rest of my family so u'll have come back later

Lancylance: well fUcK there goes my afternoon completing the entirety of black and white saga all by myself

HunkyDory: Awh,  
HunkyDory: This is so sad,,,

White[youalways]Lion: Alexa play despacito

Pidgeotto: Ugh wtf guys, ure letting me down with all this bull

Lancylance: olé mamacita i always carry Hunk's mini ukulele on me!!

Casper: No pls don't-

White[youalways]Lion: Oh no pls DO Lonce

HunkyDory: *strums ukulele aggressively*

Radium: What was that?? Someone call for me??

Casper: Oh fUCK NO-

Pidgeotto: Henhen

Radium: Uno- Dos- Tres- CUATRO

Casper: Look what you've done now Allura it's the fuckin' apocalypse!

White[youalways]Lion: That's totally radical my dude

Pidgeotto: Oml

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Waifu no- Lonce is recording a voice note!!!

Radium: oH yEaH sÍ sAbEs QuE yA lLeVo Un RaTo MiRáNdOtEs-

HunkyDory: And there goes Adam,, lol

White[youalways]Lion: Ah shit here we go again ;D

Casper: Jfc

Radium: tEnGo QuE bAiLaR cOnTiGo HoY

Pidgeotto: That's our Queen, slay gurl slay

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: What shall we do for the next five minutes while Lonce and Adam get their rocks off???

Casper: We can talk about how Shiro literally has to get his rocks off of something

Hero: Off what...

Radium: vI qUe Tu MiRaDa Ya EsTaBa LlAmÁnDoMe

White[youalways]Lion: Oh no

Casper: Maybe the couch

HunkyDory: Dude,,,

Caspet: Maybe the roof

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh goodness gracious!!

Radium: MuÉsTrAmE eL cAmInO qUe Yo Voy

Hero: Come ON Keith- what tf did Kosmo do now??

Pidgeotto: Are u not paying attention, he said the roof Shiro god

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksks yeah old man open ur ears

Hero: Rude af I'm ur ELDER-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: No kidding

Radium: Tú Tú ErEs El ImÁn Y yO sOy El MeTaL

Casper: Glad u can finally admit it

Hero: fUCK-

HunkyDory: How can Shiro get on the roof if he needs a grandpa cane?

Hero: Hey I'm still kinda hip n young-

Pidgeotto: My dad has been saying that ever since I was born, there never not once ever been a time I believed him

White[youalways]Lion: Damn-

Radium: Me VoY aCeRcAnDo Y vOy ArMaNdO eL pLaN

HunkyDory: Oh snap,,

Hero: Pidge why u do this to me :,(

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Omg guys stop being so mean to Shiro! He cannot help his old age!!!

Casper: aHA

Hero: Ur DISRESPECTING a FUTURE us sOlDiEr-

Radium: SoLo CoN pEnSaRlO sE aCeLeRa El PuLsO

HunkyDory: Ur way too fragile for that dad

Hero: I used to be bug and stronk once too >:,(

White[youalways]Lion: Of course our dear sweet grandpappie

Pidgeotto: I love how we make u sound like u fought in the Great War lmfao

Radium: Ya Ya Me EsTá GuStAnDo MáS dE lO nOrMaL

Hero: Oh hell yeah- FUCK. NAZIS. I will OBLITERATE them ALL with my bare prosthetic HAND.

HunkyDory: Wrong one dad

White[youalways]Lion: THAT'S THE SPIRIT

Casper: Well I mean can u blame us?

Hero: Shhhhh Hunk

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Godspeed Shirogane, godspeed. These tears that I cry may be dramatised but they are never fake!!!

Radium: ToDoS mIs SeNtIdOs VaN pIdIeNdO mÁs

Hero: UwU that's why I'm the hero after all

Casper: Okay don't go out and get a big head now

Pidgeotto: Oh like u can stop him

White[youalways]Lion: Yea at least invite us!!!

Radium: EsTo HaY qUe ToMaRlO sIn NiNgÚn ApUrO

Casper: Oh god he's finally there-

HunkyDory: What,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Where???

Radium: DES-PA-CITO!

Pidgeotto: Lmfao

Hero: THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT DOWN IN PUERTO RICO

HunkyDory: Lol

Radium: BABE NO-

Casper: AHA

White[youalways]Lion: I JUST WANNA HEAR U SAY AY BENDITO!!!

Radium: NOOOOO

Casper: Des. Pa. Cito.

HunkyDory: Nailed it,,, yup

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh yeah we know the song babey!!!!!

Radium: FUCK ALL Y'ALL MAN Y U DO THIS TO ME AND AFTER ALL THAT TIME I SPENT-

Pidgeotto: Hehe

Lancylance: [Voice Note: •---------- 4:45s]

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh so long!!!

Lancylance: that was hard as hell to record i had to use my toe

Pidgeotto: Oh so gross! Just leave my house already u lil shit

Lancylance: nah

White[youalways]Lion: Babe u have a voice of an angel!!

HunkyDory: That's our angel boi!!!

Lancylance: awh tyyy bebés

Radium: Mmpff.

Casper: I can't believe u actually sang the whole thing- and with an instrument too??

Lancylance: what's the point of being a academic disappointment if i can't also be a chaotic good musical success?

Casper: True

Hero: Ure such a bard

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk I want that on a plaque Lonce

Lancylance: lmao tank  
Lancylance: what else would i be tho- a thief named Pike??

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Should I attach it to ur grave as well waifu?

Hero: I mean- probably

White[youalways]Lion: Yeus waifu please do

HunkyDory: U could totally pull that off dude

Lancylance: cool a new idea for a disaster character lmao

Pidgeotto: Hey so um  
Pidgeotto: Do y'all want to hear about what's killing my backside and career?

Lancylance: ye!

White[youalways]Lion: Gasp

Radium: Fuck yeah

Casper: Lay it on us

HunkyDory: OF COURSE DUDE!!!

Hero: Only on the account u don't one up me

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh no Pidge! Don't die on us please- we love u!!!

Pidgeotto: Hen okay I promise or whatever

White[youalways]Lion: Bitch-

Lancylance: lmao i'm still by ur house

Casper: Don't make me come over there

Pidgeotto: Okay so...

White[youalways]Lion: >_>

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: <_<

Lancylance: >~>

HunkyDory: ^~^

Casper: •_•

Hero: Lol

Pidgeotto: 🔫 PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS IN THE AIR AND ANSWER MY GOD DAMN QUESTIONS YOU FAKE ASS HOES, BOOTY THIRSTY TRIPPIN SLUTS I'M SERIOUSLY SO PISSED RN OH MY GOD 🔫

Casper: Bitch-

Lancylance: hnnggg,,

White[youalways]Lion: Damn okay,,,

Radium: Oh no it's a hold up  
Radium: That reads more sarcastic than a I was going for

Pidgeotto: DO ALL YOUR JOINTS AND MUSCLES JUST ACHE ALL THE TIME

Hero: Yea

Lancylance: nah

Casper: Never

HunkyDory: Nope,

Radium: Not really

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Nu-uh!

White[youalways]Lion: Oof- no sis no

Pidgeotto: HAS A MASSAGE EVER BEEN PAINFUL TO YOU

Hero: Ha

HunkyDory: No,,,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oof

Casper: Fuckin' no

Adam: Would hope not

White[youalways]Lion: What in the-

Lancylance: i'm sorry come again

Pidgeotto: WHEN YOU LIE DOWN AT NIGHT DOES YOUR BACK HAVE TO SETTLE INTO THE MATTRESS LIKE A HAUNTED NINETEEN FORTIES TWO BEDROOM ONE BATH COTTAGE HOME RECENTLY FLIPPED W/ A LOVELY KITCHEN BACKSLASH

White[youalways]Lion: No sis

Lancylance: nO Y

Casper: What tf- no

HunkyDory: Uh,, no???

Hero: HA- obviously

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: That sounds rlly painful-

Radium: A little but I'm also getting older so

Pidgeotto: DOES YOUR BACK AND SHOULDERS GIVE OUT WHENEVER YOU TRY TO RUN OR BEND OVER OR WALK OR LITERALLY JUST EXIST

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Um

Radium: Oh god

Hero: Everyday

HunkyDory: PIDGE,,,,,

Lancylance: BUT WHY THO

Casper: What the fuck you fuckin' fuck

White[youalways]Lion: HOW ARE U STILL ALIVE?!

Pidgeotto: WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING AT NIGHT DO YOU EVER GET LIMB CRAMPS THAT ARE SO SEVERELY PAINFUL YOU WAIL LOUDLY AND WAKE UP THE WHOLE DAMN HOUSE

Radium: Damn.

HunkyDory: KATIE?!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Pidge no!!!

Hero: Oh yeah for sure

Casper: Should I be calling the hospital-

White[youalways]Lion: Let's get u some help bitch!!

Lancylance: I'm legitimately worried now Pidgey- are u oKAY?!

Pidgeotto: FUCKING NO WHAT THE HELL!!! I *THOUGHT* EVERYONE EXPERIENCED THIS SAME BULLSHIT BECAUSE "HEY THAT'S LIFE" WHAT THE FUCL!!&'- !/&2'/nsnsjwwjjwjwnsnejenej

Hero: Yeah... realizing that these aspects are part of a disability can be hard but that's why we diagnose- so we can find ways to treat it!

Pidgeotto: I know, I'm just.

Radium: Yeah?

HunkDory: :,(((

Pidgeotto: I'm so fucking embarrassed to admit to living with this shit my entire life-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'm sorry Pidge :(

Casper: Yeah that honestly fuckin' sucks.

Lancylance: i promise to never sit on u ever again :,(

Pidgeotto: I will definitely take that offer-

Hero: But how did the appointment itself go?

Pidgeotto: Oh

HunkyDory: Yeah!

White[youalways]Lion: Tell us bish!!!

Pidgeotto: Well obviously Ryner (the chiropractor Coran recommended) can't know for sure what I have in only one session but she's set on it being Fibromyalgia

HunkyDory: Is that bad?  
HunkyDory: Obv it's bad but like,, I meant, is it life threatening???g

Pidgeotto: Oh u know, as life-threating as compulsive spasming is :)

White[youalways]Lion: nO

Radium: No.

Lancylance: hey-

Hero: Yea :)

Casper: Jfc

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: No!!!

HunkyDory: Guys, no,,,

Pidgeotto: Don't worry I'll just be over here with a hangover but without the party!

Radium: Are you sure you're okay Pidge? We're always here to help out.

White[youalways]Lion: Yeah! We don't want to see u in pain!!!

Pidgeotto: Yeah I'm okay... I'm going to be okay. Thank u guys for all the emotional support...

HunkyDory: Ofc!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yes!!!

Hero: Anytime Katie!!

White[youalways]Lion: Always and forever Pidge!!!

Lancylance: we love u Pidgey the Pidgeotto :,(

Casper: You always support me as u beat me up so I have to return the favor

Pidgeotto: Hen tyty, u guys are always so nice

HunkyDory: Obv,

Hero: Of course!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: We love u!!!

Pidgeotto: But y'all betta step tf off my feelings rn before I instinctively roundhouse kick u out of my personal bubble-

Lancylance: always nice!!!!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: D,:

HunkyDory: pIDGE,

Lancylance: wait- Pidgey no

Hero: It be what it do

Pidgeotto: Pidge yes!

Radium: Remind me to kick ur ass shorty.

Pidgeotto: Meh.

Casper: You would never give me the luxury.

Pidgeotto: Bitch

Casper: Jerk

White[youalways]Lion: Okay good bc- Ahh yes,,, t-the fibermitosis! As a med student in training, I know that one without even having to look it up- yup that's for sure

Hero: Gesundheit Princess

Pidgeotto: Lmao good for u Allura, but ure not becoming a chiropractor so I doubt they'd teach about all that

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Achoo!!! Bless you all!

Lancylance: yea same Princess,,, just ignore me rn i'm gonna- gonna totally not google that over here discreetly, nope,,, not at all

HunkyDory: Lol

Pidgeotto: No need friendos  
Pidgeotto: [URL Link]  
Pidgeotto: [URL Link]  
Pidgeotto: The links say it's a chronic nerve condition Lance

Radium: Oh goody- These are actual research papers

White[youalways]Lion: Ha HA-

Hero: I love our tiny genius child

Lancylance: hey i know how to cLiCk On A lInK-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Okay Lonce

Casper: Sure Lance

Lancylance: ur all bullies >:,(

HunkyDory: Oh man that sucks but it is p dead on for you Pidge

Pidgeotto: Yupper duppers

Radium: What's next for u?

Pidgeotto: So far I'm just supposed to cruise until the next appointment, but if I do have it I guess it's like any other doctor and you just keep coming back until it's gone?

Hero: They give u chicken scra- I mean a script and hopefully u can go on your merry medicated way

Casper: Hmm sounds fake but okay

Lancylance: that's assuming u remember to fill ur prescription lmao  
Lancylance: Oh fuck me one sec

White[youalways]Lion: Omfg

Pidgeotto: No thanks

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Lonce???

HunkyDory: Good job buddy,,,

Lancylance: nOtHiNg ur not my MoM-

Pidgeotto: Omfg wait a minute, I think this dumbass just tried to flirt with me-

HunkyDory: What did he say?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: While yer healing???

Pidgeotto: While I'm healing- yea  
Pidgeotto: "You have such a pleasant chaotic energy Katie, you watch Buzzfeed Unsolved?"

Lancylance: oh yea definitely

Casper: He used ur REAL name like that??

Pidgeotto: Right?? It's such a weird thing to say so suddenly, especially if that's ur ONLY plan to woe someone

White[youalways]Lion: Damn ur girl so fine but her sexuality was like WOAH

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Yeah!! Like at least have chocolates and a million bajillion crypto dollars!!!

Lancylance: friendzone the sucker then- bros don't passionately embrace one another bro

Casper: .

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Bro

HunkyDory: Bro,,,,,

Pidgeotto: *sweats* Uh yeaahhh-

White[youalways]Lion: Ahsvsjkdhskjlsjada Lonce no

Lancylance: oh? who u embracing over there Pidgey ÕwÔ

HunkyDory: yea,,,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Spicy~

Pidgeotto: Idk what ure talkin bout there

White[youalways]Lion: Sounds like,,, ur hiding something ;)

HunkyDory: 🤔🤔🤔

Casper: I bet it's that nonbinary aro kid from robotics

HunkyDory: Gasp, Beezer,,,?

Lancylance: Beezer is totally her type!!!

Pidgeotto: Listen u heteros I can cuddle whoever tf I wAnT, but u'll never know who it is or mY NAME ISN'T KATIE CHAOTIC GRIMLIN OF THE NORTH-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: omg they are

Pidgeotto: FUCK OFF TEAM KLANCE JHNDVBSJKDK AIN'T NOBODY TALKING TO U TWO

HunkyDory: AWH~

White[youalways]Lion: Pfffffft

Casper: HA got 'em

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Romance! Drama!! Pinning!!!

Lancylance: it's gettin hot in here- so take out all ur fic

Pidgeotto: We're jUsT friends- I mean friends can always be something more, especially since they're aspec too- but moving on, we're friends,,,

Lancylance: bruh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Crush! :,0!!

Pidgeotto: no,, just a squish,,,

Casper: Mmhmm

HunkyDory: Ur already friends!!

Lancylance: friendzone is the endzone!! lmao

Pidgeotto: A QPR is the true endzone,,, but yeah

White[youalways]Lion: So u gon date ur best mate and not some1 new? Damn, the audacity,,, the intelligence,,,,,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Aknewksnwj wow

Pidgeotto: Ofc- You'd HAVE to be my friend before I could date u, like who tf just dates someone else before they know anything about them???

HunkyDory: Yeah, I feel u sis

White[youalways]Lion: Bc they hot n into u??? It's not too hard a thought process henhen~

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Also see: I'm very gay, I'm very low on options, and I'm very desperate

Casper: I second both of them.

Lancylance: sksksksksk am i the only one who's not thirsty??

Hero: Says u

White[youalways]Lion: Lonce >:,(

Lancylance: shut up dAD

HunkyDory: I'm literally right here fool

Pidgeotto: Yeah right next to ur girlfriend u traitor

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: hA

HunkyDory: Wait nO

Casper: EVERYONE RIOT-

Lancylance: dios mio

Pidgeotto: I mean- I'm down, but for what

Casper: TELL HIM HOW MUCH WE LOVE AND APPRECIATE HIS GIRLFRIEND BUT ARE JEALOUS OF HIS SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP!!

Pidgeotto: Lmfao

HunkyDory: HOLD ON-

White[youalways]Lion: ARGH!!!!!! I can't bElIeVe u found an AMAZING person to date behind our backs!!!

HunkyDory: STAHP!

Casper: NO!

Pidgeotto: Never

Lancylance: UGH the way u two look at each other each morning during ur only passing period where u cross paths like the love ur life and the light in ur star is cOmPlEtElY NAUSEATING?!!!?

HunkyDory: BRO SHUT UP!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Nu uh we wildin

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: HOW DARE U BE SO MADLY IN LOVE WITH YOUR GORGEOUS HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART WHO IS AN EXTREME ADVOCATE FOR THE ENVIRONMENT AND MAKES AMAZING FUNDRAISERS THAT WOW AND AWH ANY CROWD TO BRING AWARENESS TO GLOBAL WARMING, DEFORESTATION OF NATIVE LANDS, AND THE POLLUTION OF THE EARTH?!!??!??! UGH IT'S LIKE YOU FIND WORTH IN HER ADORABLE SMILE AND STUNNING FASHION SENSE!! 😤😡🤢🤜🏻👇🏻👋🏻🤙🏻

Casper: Nice

Lancylance: z snap Rom

Pidgeotto: Are those gang signs sis??

HunkyDory: Why does that sound like ur coming for my gal,,,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: It's Latin for burn in heck

White[youalways]Lion: Bruh

HunkyDory: No??? I don't think I will?????

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Smh my head

Lancylance: sleep with two eyes open Hunk.

HunkyDory: wHAT-

White[youalways]Lion: Akjxiakanak

Casper: I know that's a mistake but it feels so much more ominous now-

Lancylane: :)

GorgeousMan: Well you all seem rather chipper today! How's your therapy going number five?

Pidgeotto: T i n g l y .

GorgeousMan: Alright then.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: A good tingly or a bad tingly???

Pidgeotto: T I N G L Y -

GorgeousMan: Hm.

HunkyDory: I think that means good?

White[youalways]Lion: Time to WebMD this bicth-

GorgeousMan: Oh heavens no-

Pidgeotto: Honestly idk- at some points it feels like it's working as it should be, in others it's like I'm being stabbed(?) by vibrations

Lancylance: that means it's time to buy a new vibrator

Pidgeotto: No thanks, ure nastie

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Why do I ever get up in the morning just to hear u sinful children speak

GorgeousMan: I ask myself that every day!

White[youalways]Lion: Slay waifu slay!!!

Lancylance: h h n g i'm sowwy Rom-

GorgeousMan: Anywho, how was Ryner?

Pidgeotto: Man when she said she was going to add pressure to my back I was not expecting to finch into the sixth dimension

GorgeousMan: Oh? Why's this?

HunkyDory: But ur here rn, rn,,,

Pidgeotto: Yeah it turns out I've got coward back disease (aka fibromyalgia)

GorgeousMan: Ah, I see! Not very fun.

White[youalways]Lion: Just sitting in a cloud oh wow

Lancylance: my neck my back

Pidgeotto: Yes, exactly.

Casper: My pussy and my [REDACTED]

GorgeousMan: Well then.

Hero: kEITH-

Pidgeotto: Stop exposing me Kogane.

Casper: Look away Shiro

HunkyDory: Keef u unholy phuck nugget!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksk it's a free for all

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Coran is this the moment I would be allowed to go into berserker's rage?

GorgeousMan: I believe so, yes.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Time to die peasants-

Casper: Ugh again??

Lancylance: wHEEZE- ROM

HunkyDory: I miss y'all already :,(

White[youalways]Lion: It was nice knowing u guys while it lasted

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Shuckle- I! Choose! You!

Casper: What- hell no

Pidgeotto: Oh god, not THAT heathen

Lancylance: wait i gotta look up who dis bitch be-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Shuckle- use toxic!  
(Rom)elle(Com)elle: [JPEQ IMAGE]

White[youalways]Lion: Lord

Hero: Rom :(((

Casper: This is eye vomit

GorgeousMan: Goodbye forever children, I will miss you not very dearly.

Pidgeotto: Cursed, bedeviled, damned, blighted-

Radium: What the hell even IS that Rom?!

HunkyDory: Pls, leave the poor kittens alone,,,

Lancylance: what are u guys seeing bc i literally cannot process this hell of a picture

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: [JPEG IMAGE]

HunkyDory: NO

Hero: WHY DO U HAVE MORE-

Pidgeotto: So uncomfortable rn,,,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Atone for your sins u tainted eboys!!!

Casper: EBOYS?!

Radium: ROMELLE NO

Lancylance: fuck that- yEET

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: ROMELLE YES

Lancylance has left the chat.  
HunkyDory is now the leader.

HunkyDory: Sigh,

Pidgeotto: Team Rocket blasting off again

White[youalways]Lion: U sure do know how to clean out a room waifu

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: UwU

GorgeousMan: That will be twenty thousand GAC in public property repairs.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: h

Radium: And she oops-

GorgeousMan: If you leave the chat now, you forfeit your extra action.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksk

Hero: Backed into a corner again eh?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: [JPEG IMAGE]  
(Rom)elle(Com)elle: :/

GorgeousMan: Alrighty then, I believe it's Lonce's turn but since he's dead we'll have to skip him.

Pidgeotto: Lmfao

HunkyDory: Sigh,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not late to updating- URE LATE TO vIeWiNg?!??!!!
> 
> But for real tho, thank y'all for reading even this far! This chapter took a lil extra longer bc I was fitting too much content into it but bc of how I write (nowhere near chronologically lmao) I didn't realize it until I was already past my deadline.
> 
> But no worries, I wasn't just phuckin around the entire time, hehe~ I've been working on another story for this universe that follows Lance in Ch6 wink wonk (Edit: Bruh I thot it was 7 but nope it's 6). If you ever wanna see what WIPs I have, be sure to check out this series' listing! I have several more fics I'm looking to make for this universe.
> 
> Anyways, here's to hoping I stay on schedule ;D


	10. Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao "I work on a schedule" my ass
> 
> Anyways, wrote an extra thousand for this chapter, so, there's my excuse/apology for ya sksksksksk
> 
> P.S. Last update I said I was writing a normal oneshot for chapter seven I believe? I meant to say chapter six

[Tuesday, 8:34 AM]

HunkyDory has added Leonardo Longboi to the chat.

Leonardo: Ty Hunkypoo uwu

HunkyDory: Mmhmm,

White[youalways]Lion: Lance? Awake at this time of day?? Enough so as to carry a full conversation???

Leonardo has changed their name to Lancylance.

Lancylance: úwù

Pidgeotto: Finally,,, no more of that screenreader nonsense,,,,,

Lancylance: òwó

White[youalways]Lion: EwE

Lancylance: qwq

[Tuesday, 5:17 PM]

HunkyDory: Hey Lance

[Tuesday, 5:34 PM]

Lancylance: yeus~

HunkyDory: Lance,

Lancylance: yeah?

HunkyDory: Lance.

Lancylance: yes sir??

Pidgeotto: Jesus Christ just ask him already Hunk, ure giving me secondhand anticipatory anxiety over here

HunkyDory: FINE.

Lancylance: u think ur the anxious one?!??!

HunkyDory: Lance what did u do with my phuckin HANDPICKED blueberries u gosh darn blackhole U

Lancylance: i didn't even know you had blueberries this year omg-

HunkyDory: I stored them in the FREEZER and u KNOW this *shoves orderly files off my professional™️ police desk* SO,,, TELL ME THE TRUTH U CRIMINAL SCUM!!!

Lancylance: UH- SHIT OKAY I'M SORRY I GUESS??

Casper: Oh damn Hunk calm down it's just some berries-

HunkyDory: I CAN NEVER SLEEP- NOT WHEN JUSTICE IS BEING INFRINGED UPON!!!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk is this what we're doing with our precious free time now?

HunkyDory: THERE IS NEVER A MOMENT TO WASTE WHEN THE LAW IS INVOLVED MA'AM

Lancylance: oml ur just like ur mom

White[youalways]Lion: Okie boo love ya too boo

Pidgeotto: Wtf is this B99 shit man, are u Terry Crews now?

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Isn't Hunk more of a Captain Holt though?

Pidgeotto: Look me in my eyes and say that to my face again Romelle.

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: <3<

Casper: Fuckin' hell Pidge there's no need to get feisty over ur own last name

HunkyDory: IDENTITY FRAUD IS NO JOKE KEITH FRICKIN' "HABERSBERGER" IF THAT'S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME "CASPER"

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk no it ain't sis slay us again

Lancylance has changed Casper's name to Casberger.

White[youalways]Lion: HA

Casberger: Why can't I just admire a dude who likes the simple things in life like fried chicken and blue flannels??  
Casberger: Oh for fuck's SAKE Lance

HunkyDory: U know the crimes uve committed

Lancylance: huehuehue bc southern and gay don't mix

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Gasp- how dare u

Casberger: We're literally in Arizona rn- AND I'M DAMN SURE GONNA EAT FRIED CHICKEN IN MY GAY AF FLANNELS UNTIL THE DAY I DIE

Lancylance: okay live with that crusty ass face of urs then bitch

Pidgeotto: You'll collapse at thirty-five of a heart attack.

Casberger: Nice that's what I've always wanted ever since I was just a wee child!

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksksk

HunkyDory: STOP THERE YE CRIMINALS, THIS IS NO TIME FOR YON CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE!! JUSTICE IS NYE- LANCE TELL ME THE TRUTH OR MAY GOD HAVE MERCY UPONTH THY SOUL!!

Lancylance: jEsUs ChRiSt- i didn't do anything!

HunkyDory: OH YEAH? THEN WHERE WERE U THE NIGHT OF THE TWENTY THIRD "LANCE" DE LA ROSA MCCLAIN?!

Casberger: Damn-

White[youalways]Lion: YEAH!

Lancylance: uhhh,,,,,

HunkyDory: HMMM?? >:/

Pidgeotto: Yeah "Lance" tell him u fucking con man

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: psst- today's the eighth Lonce

Lancylance: idk why u would ever feel the need to tell me nope definitely don't know- but ty

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: UwU

White[youalways]Lion: Y'all always making me waste so much mascara over here lmao

HunkyDory: SO THEN? LANCE??? WHAT WILL IT BE?!!

Casberger: Stop fake crying then sis

White[youalways]Lion: MAKE me

Lancylance: i do not remember that entire week ur honor

Pidgeotto: Ofc not

Casberger: So anyways- Lance is fucked

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: He he~

White[youalways]Lion: But Lonce is just a poor puppy >:,0

HunkyDory: WELL WELL WELL,,, SEEMS AS IF U HAVE NO ALIBI MISTER MCCLAIN

Lancylance: ye

Pidgeotto: Just a ye

Lancylance: ye

White[youalways]Lion: Oml

HunkyDory: VERY WELL, PREPARE URSELF FOR UR CRIMES,,,

Lancylance: awh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Haha ur guilty!!

Casberger: Wait that's illegal-

White[youalways]Lion: HUNKIE I'LL OVERTHROW THE GOV IF U DO THIS!!!

HunkyDory: TRY ME PRINCESS

Pidgeotto: Everything's illegal these days

Lancylance: gasp u would do that for me qwq

White[youalways]Lion: Yeus uwu ur my side hoe

Casberger: Uh-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Wooooow,,,

HunkyDory: HEY HE'S MY SIDE HOE!!!

Pidgeotto: You have too many already smh

Lancylance: AHJBDCASDI HWEUIAJBAJ GUYS OMG

White[youalways]Lion: I'm sorry waifu,,, I didn't mean for it to ever happen like this,,,,,  
White[youalways]Lion: Phuck off Hunk

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'm shookeith waifu

HunkyDory: Rude af,,,

Lancylance: gettin mum's monies

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'm a shaking Keef

Pidgeotto: Hen

Casberger: I guess that's a thing now

White[youalways]Lion: I promise would tear down two governments for u Lonce :,(

HunkyDory: HEY! STILL ILLEGAL!!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: That's what they all say until they don't

Pidgeotto: Actually it's completely legal to overthrow the American government

Lancylance: what

Casberger: PIDGE

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Blasphemy-

White[youalways]Lion: I'm sorry u can what now???

HunkyDory: PIDGE DON'T SPREAD LIES I'M RIGHT HERE

Pidgeotto: I'm not lying, hold a sec

Casberger: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP TALKIN ABOUT THE CONSTITUTION I'VE ALREADY AGED EIGHTY FOUR YEARS

HunkyDory: WHY WOULD THIS EVER BE LEGAL???

Pidgeotto: The colonies were literally overthrowing the king, what did u honestly expect

White[youalways]Lion: BITCH IF THIS IS LEGAL WHY HASN'T ANYONE DONE ANYTHING!?!?!!?

Lancylance: lmao the military would get us before we could ever get them

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: This all does make a bit of sense I suppose...

Casberger: I can already hear the fbi

Pidgeotto: As stated in the second paragraph of the DOI:  
Pidgeotto: [URL LINK]  
Pidgeotto: "That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the People to alter or abolish it" which, with how our government runs itself now, makes it entirely legal to trash the system and start over

White[youalways]Lion: OMG

Lancylance: damn,,,

HunkyDory: HOLY SHIFT SOLVE TO FIND X

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I'm sorry,,, are u insinuating we start a riot???

Pidgeotto: No  
Pidgeotto: [JPEG Image]  
Pidgeotto: What makes u think that

HunkyDory: OH NO

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: What is that?!!?!

Casberger: Oh shit Pidge no wait wtf-

Lancylance: u out here being the real MVP Pidgey

White[youalways]Lion: IS THAT THE FUCKING GARRISON DATABASE?!

HunkyDory: PIDGE WTF UR SUPPOSED TO BE RESTING NOT COMMITTING TREASON

Pidgeotto: I mean they never said *not* to enter and their firewall is more than lackluster, besides hUnK I'd rather die with numb fingers than in this dystopia

White[youalways]Lion: Get u a girl who can do both

Casberger: Jfc how are u still a free citizen- or alive??

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Isn't that what ur doing anyways?!??!

Lancylance: sksksksk

Pidgeotto: Don't @me like that

HunkyDory: PIDGE C'MON PLS DON'T MAKE US BYSTANDERS TO UR CRIMES I CAN'T PAY FOR UNI MUCH LESS A BAIL

Pidgeotto: Yea yea okay- Lance cough up the blueberries or whatever

White[youalways]Lion: nO

Casberger: Or whatever- like we give a shit

Pidgeotto: Hen

Lancylance: AJSIABHQAKKA I DIDN'T EAT THEM I SWEAR TO GAWD

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Mmhmmm-

HunkyDory: OKAY, UH HUH,, SURE,,,

Lancylance: STAHP BULLYING ME

Pidgeotto: Nah

Lancylance: UGH

White[youalways]Lion: Sksksksk~

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Hey Lonce

Lancylance: what-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I think ur lying Lonce.

HunkyDory: THANK U

Pidgeotto: Sis is sis-rious

White[youalways]Lion: Bruh,,,

Casberger: It's time to stop-

Lancylance: wHaT- ROM WHY DO U THINK IT'S ME?!?!

Pidgeotto: I'm behaving aren't I  
Pidgeotto: Oh- and I oop

HunkyDory: BECAUSE IT HAS TO BE U U PHUCKER

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Lonce who's to say that u are not my mother?

Casberger: What-

White[youalways]Lion: Waifu?!

HunkyDory: Oh-kay,,, sounds juicy

Pidgeotto: The whiplash, the audacity Romelle...

Lancylance: BITCH WHAT HOW EXPLAIN POR FAVOR

HunkyDory: BECAUSE,

Casberger: Amazing.

White[youalways]Lion: WELL FUCK YA CUZ

Pidgeotto: I love this song

Lancylance: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Maybe you're my mother. Maybe you've created an entire identity separate from the one I know. Maybe you've done this in the hopes to gain my trust and gather intel on how my religious status is rapidly declining and my distaste for the family is only growing ever stronger. Maybe you're here to betray me, to betray us. You're dirty, and I know I can smell it on your breath "Lonce".

Lancylance: i

Casberger: That's-

HunkyDory: Juicier,,,,,

White[youalways]Lion: rOMELLE NO!

Lancylance: but i don't

Pidgeotto: Why is this so fucking FUNNY to me-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: ROMELLE YES- ARE YOU WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE "LANCE" DE LA ROSA MCCLAIN, OR ARE YOU JUST ANOTHER MONSTER IN DISGUISE.

Casberger: When is other people suffering not funny to u

Lancylance: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE?!??!

White[youalways]Lion: ROM UR TAKING THIS TOO FAR-

Pidgeotto: Too true

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: YOU CAN NEVER TAKE JUSTICE TOO FAR WAIFU!!!

HunkyDory: YEAH- WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!

White[youalways]Lion: THIS IS AN *OBSTRUCTION* OF JUSTICE!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: NANI?!

Casberger: Oh fUcK-

Pidgeotto: Miss Rom-Com I think it's about time u went shopping for a better excuse

HunkyDory: Oh no,,

Lancylance: kawaii desu sempai??

White[youalways]Lion: OH YEA *plays megalovania*

Pidgeotto: On ur marks, get ready- start

Casberger: Shi wa watashitachi ni kakatte iru

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Hehe otaku taiketsu!!!

HunkyDory: I guess our job is to find the truth,,, no matter how painful it might be,,,,,

Lancylance: homeboi gonna commit a murder and i still don't know what's happening

Casberger: Ms Wright ur skills during this trial will determine the fate of ur client- food theft is a serious charge after all Princess

White[youalways]Lion: sjanakakakzksak

HunkyDory: SEÑOR MCCLAIN-

Lancylance: whAT

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: TELL! THE! TRUTH! YOU ATE THE BERRIES, DID YOU NOT???

Lancylance: nah

Casberger: 10/10 defence

Lancylance: tank

HunkyDory: I AIN'T PLAYIN THESE GAMES-

White[youalways]Lion: BITCH

Lancylance: bUt HuNk

Pidgeotto: We need water to live

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: NOT IN THIS DAMN COURTHOUSE

Casberger: Chill tf out mum

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: NO

White[youalways]Lion: EVERYONE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY- HUNK WHAT PROOF DO U HAVE THAT MY CLIENT STOLE UR BERRIES???

HunkyDory: I have a piece of paper that says so right here up my ass

White[youalways]Lion: I

Casberger: Ah...

Pidgeotto: U really want that evidence ur majesty?

Lancylance: this is cheating!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Not even a lil bit ngl

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Well u did ask for it

HunkyDory: Ain't no rules saying it's illegal dang but I can pull it out for u if thou so desire- Judge?

Casberger: No thank u I'm more of a thigh man myself

Lancylance: smh

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Sksksksksk

HunkyDory: Suit urself

Pidgeotto: Anything else sluts?

White[youalways]Lion: UH YEA- this doesn't negate that u never SAW him

HunkyDory: Don't need to he's always sus

Casberger: Fair

Lancylance: :,(((

White[youalways]Lion: This is heterophobic

Pidgeotto: Ok boomer

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Mr Lawyer I saw that evil evil grin!!! It's v fugly!

White[youalways]Lion: ROM

Casberger: Damn-

Lancylance: BITCH WHERE

Pidgeotto: Wtf we already insulted his face, give us new material

Casberger: Dorito man

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Stinkie boi

HunkyDory: MR TRIANGLE

Lancylance: AKJHNDAKJSCKLA HEY

White[youalways]Lion: Now this is what it's all about-

Pidgeotto: I dedicate my entire life to our lord and savior Killbot Phantasm and this is the thanks I get?

HunkyDory: LANCE- UR STATEMENT

Lancylance: uh,,, there's nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact??

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: ERRRNT! WRONG FANDOM!!!

Pidgeotto: Amateurs, amateurs! Listen to me Ms Wright, in the courtroom proof is everything

HunkyDory: WHAT PHUCKING PROOF

White[youalways]Lion: EXACTLY HUNK-

Lancylance: dios mio words cannot describe how screwed i am

Casberger: Did u look that quote up??

Lancylance: qUOTE-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: WE MAY NOT HAVE THE PROOF THAT LONCE HAS DONE IT BUT YOU ALSO DON'T HAVE THE PROOF THAT HE DIDN'T DO IT. NOW, FESS UP!

White[youalways]Lion: NEVER

Casberget: Well that just brings us back to square one

HunkyDory: >:(

Pidgeotto: Do we have anything else to go off of then

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ur face

Pidgeotto: My feelings-

White[youalways]Lion: HEY! HEY!!! THAT'S AN INFRACTION

Casberger: Rom ure being suspended for a full minute so u can think about how u have hurt the Babey

Pidgeotto: BABEY?!

HunkyDory: rOMELLE WHY

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: DAMN IT ALL TO HECK

White[youalways]Lion: AHA HA HA

Casberger: Lance what's ur verdict

Lancylance: "Difficult-looking legal books stand in a formidable row. They mock me. I tried reading one, and it made my head hurt. When I closed it, it slipped out of my hand. Then my foot hurt too."

Casberger: Emotional blue balls- got it

Pidgeotto: Let me out of this prison

Lancylance: but why is that actually me tho

HunkyDory: Oml- it is

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I too become #deep while looking out a rainy window Pheonix McClain

Lancylance: KJEDFASJKFGBESDJK

White[youalways]Lion: HEY I'M THE ACTING LAWYER HERE

Casberger: Then make ur defendant innocent? Bitch??

White[youalways]Lion: I'M TRYING HOE-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Not hard enough >;0

Lancylance: TRY HARDER THEN BEBÉ

White[youalways]Lion: AHHH- *breaks out fan wiki*

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: >:0

HunkyDory: Hooboy,

Casberger: Fuckin' finally

Pidgeotto: Get his ankles, gET HIS ANKLES

Lancylance: akbsdjkfdfuiak PIDGE NO

White[youalways]Lion: THIS NIGHT IN QUESTION IS WEDNESDAY OF THE TWENTY THIRD, IS IT NOT UR HONOUR?

HunkyDory: I did,,,

Casberger: That's what Hunk said yea

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Oh noes-

White[youalways]Lion: WELL THEN,

Lancylance: o yeus-

Pidgeotto: Do [REDACTED]s count as furry battery

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: ÒwÓ

Lancylance: úwù

Casberger: Unfortunately not

HunkyDory: (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

Pidgeotto: Dear God.

White[youalways]Lion: I JUST SO HAPPEN TO HAVE FOUND A SAVED SNAP OF THAT NIGHT! DOTH THOU WISH TOTH KNOWETH WHATH I HAVETH?!?!!!!!

Lancylance: h

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: GASP

Pidgeotto: *dramatic lightning strikes*

HunkyDory: NO- I want to know WHERE has this discovery been!?!?!??!

White[youalways]Lion: IN MY SAVE OPEN UR EARS BOO

Pidgeotto: *more dramatic lightning*

Casberger: What was the snap Princess

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: nooo-

White[youalways]Lion: [JPEG Image]  
White[youalways]Lion: Lance stealing Hunkie's beanie babies

Pidgeotto: Zamn

HunkyDory: Gasp-

Lancylance: OH lmfao i DO remember that now

Casberger: Caught as red-handed as a' homemade sin yessir

Lancylance: yeehaw

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: How does that prove his innocence????? America explain

Pidgeotto: Lance's backpack is fun-sized, it was either the beanies or blueberries

White[youalways]Lion: And as seen here it's all babies

HunkyDory: Fiend,,,

Lancylance: the one crime i'm willing to confess to

Casberger: Any final statements Miss Pheonix

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: nO

Casberger: Hush

White[youalways]Lion: Yes I do,,, *ahem*

HunkyDory: Sigh,

Lancylance: please kneel for the national anthem

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: >:,\

Pidgeotto: Now playing Beyonce's Single Ladies

Casberger: Hats off while the Queen is singing

HunkyDory: 🎩

Lancylance: 🎩🎩🎩

White[youalways]Lion: But has the last word been said- must hope disappear- is defeat final??? No! Believe that I speak to u with the full facts and tell u that nothing is lost for Lonce. For Lonce is not alone- He is not alone! He is not alone! He has pure fuckery behind him!!! He can align with the Emo that holds the blade and continues the fight. He can, like Keef, befriend the hacking heart of the Gremlin. This war is not over as a result of the Arrest of Lonce, it is a worldwide war. All the mistakes- delays- suffering- do not alter the fact that in this group chat there r all the means necessary to crush our enemies one day. Vanquished we are today by mechanical beasts and in the future we will be able to overcome them by superior mechanical lions. The fate of the group chat depends on it.

Lancylance: ajscbhshcjsjck

Casberger: What the in the fUCK

Pidgeotto: Oh my fucking god she fucking dead

HunkyDory: Ah- so it's worse than I thought (╯︵╰,)

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Omg did u copy paste Charles de Gaulle's speech???

White[youalways]Lion: shhhhh-

Pidgeotto: LMFAO

HunkyDory: What are u trying to expose of me,,,,,,,,

White[youalways]Lion: I'M EXPOSING THE FACT THAT U WANT IT TO BE HIM- NOT BECAUSE U HATE HIM BUT BECAUSE HE'S THE EASIEST FALLBACK UPON- TO RELY UPON. BUT I KNOW- OH I KNOW THAT U CAN NEVER BE SUCCESSFUL IN THAT FIGHT FOR LONG

Lancylance: it's true i am :,(

HunkyDory: Maybe so Miss Pheonix,,, maybe so

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: WAIFU TELL ME U CAN SEE THAT THIS IS ALL SO FOOLISH!!!

White[youalways]Lion: POSSIBLY MY DEAR- BUT AREN'T WE ALL FOOLISH IN THE END

Casberger: Yea

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: >:0

Pidgeotto: A fool who doesn't think is more foolish than a fool who thinks foolishly ya fuckin fool

Lancylance: i need to lay down smh

White[youalways]Lion: And with this last defence I CONCLUDE that Lonce is NOT GUILTY ur honour

Lancylance: :,0!!!

HunkyDory: Truly well said,,, but I'm afraid I still have to take him in- for the beanie babies ofc

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: HA HA!!!!!

White[youalways]Lion: I've... failed u babe

Casberger: We demand a recess-

Pidgeotto: Encore encore, truly a case of the century

HunkyDory: No,, ur not ten anymore

Lancylance: BEFORE I GO I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY, MY MOM, MY GRANDMA, MY PRIEST, NONE OF MY SIBLINGS, MY CHILDHOOD CAT-

Casberger: What priest

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: OH HUNKYPOO~

Pidgeotto: Like u'd ever have a priest

HunkDory: YES ROMELLOW,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: TAKE THIS SINNER AWAY,,,

Lancylance: ILL MISS U ALL-

Pidgeotto: [sniffing] you are all so stupid

Casberger: Someone with a mind call this off-

White[youalways]Lion: Sis,,, just send the meme

HunkyDory: Commit the crimes do the times!!!

Lancylance: ah

Pidgeotto: Idk why don't u MAKE me

White[youalways]Lion: how dare

Lancylance: but have u been told i'm a poor boy and nobody loves me?

HunkyDory: h,

Casberger: Just a poor boy from a poor family

HunkyDory: no-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Hey stop that!!!

White[youalways]Lion: Spare him his life- from this monstrosity!

HunkyDory: wait,,,

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Ur playing unfair :(

Pidgeotto: Easy come easy go, will u let him go?

Casberger: Let him go

Lancylance: let me go!!

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Bismillah! No, we will not let u go!!!

HunkyDory: OKAY FINE- BUT WHO ELSE WOULD HAVE ATE THEM??????

Pidgeotto: HA

Lancylance: >:D

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: uGH- hUnK!!!

White[youalways]Lion: And in the end all it takes is Queen

Casberger: As it always should

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: I do not know but fear not Hunky because we will all work together until this crime is solved! :^)

Pidgeotto: I bet all y'all a twenty that it was Romelle.

Lancylance: okay- prepare to lose a twenty :)

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Uhh- whaaaaaaaaat???

Casberger: Why would she?? She's too sweet to do that Pidge

Pidgeotto: *shrugs*

White[youalways]Lion: Idk it is always the ones u don't expect and,,, she's been v accusatory so I'm adding a five to that pile

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: Dang it waifu!!!

Casberger: hA

White[youalways]Lion: What

Pidgeotto: Wait a min

Lancylance: hold on-

HunkyDory: ARE U CONFESSING RIGHT NOW ROMELLE?!?!??!!

White[youalways]Lion: rOMELLE HOW COULD U-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle: PERHAPS I AM! BUT REGARDLESS I KNOW THAT YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE HUNK- HIYAH!!!

Casberger: Holy shit-

(Rom)elle(Com)elle has left the chat.

Hero: Wtf Rom?!

White[youalways]Lion: MY WIFE-

Lancylance: OMFG ROMELLE

Pidgeotto: Would you look at that, I was totally correctomungo dudios

HunkyDory: THAT MOFO HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME OMG

Casberger: SHE REALLY WENT AND DID THAT HUH?? God DAMN Romelle u got us BEAT!

Lancylance: and to THINK,,, y'all thot it was me all along?!??!!

HunkyDory: sNiFf,,, im sowwy,,,,,

Lancylance: yea u bETTA BE-

Pidgeotto: What were u even going to make with those blueberries?

HunkyDory: Ur prezzy for going to the doctors,,, I've had this peanut butter blueberry recipe that I've been wanting to try out for a while now but ur the only one who likes peanut butter treats so I saw my opportunity

Casberger: Fuckin' what now

Lancylance: yea that's disgusting

Pidgeotto: AWH COME ON! NOW I HAVE TO KILL ROMELLE-

White[youalways]Lion: I'm sorry you said PEANUT BUTTER and BLUEBERRIES?!

HunkyDory: Don't knock it till u try it Princess

Casberger: What a horrible world we live in.

Radium: No kidding, we had to watch that entire exchange take place

Pidgeotto: Hey now-

GorgeousMan: May the adults come in or are you kiddos still having your play date?

Lancylance: wE'rE nOt KiDs

Hero: Debatable,,,

Casberger: Says the motherfucker who has all the Backyardigans CD's

Hero: SHUT UP UR MOM GAY-

Radium: Le sigh

HunkyDory: LOL SHIRO NO

Casberger: She's pansexual u slut

Pidgeotto: How do u always manage to get urself played like this

Hero: UR DAD LESBIAN-

Lancylance: but- ur our dad

GorgeousMan: Legally you are Keith's father, and, well-

Hero: yA gRaNnY-

Radium: Please stop encouraging the child

Pidgeotto: No

Lancylance: nah

White[youalways]Lion: Never!

Hero: Hey, hey bb,,,

Radium: What...

Hero: Ur aunt? A croissant

Casberger: Shiro-

HunkyDory: I just snorted rlly loudly

Pidgeotto: I think children should be encouraged much more than they are

Radium: Shut up.

GorgeousMan: I'll assume you're all still on your playdate. I can come back later then!

Lancylance: nO

Pidgeotto: Boo

Casberger: Bye

HunkyDory: Awh, bai

Hero: Hehe he heee

White[youalways]Lion: Coran ur not any more innocent than us stop being fake!!!

GorgeousMan: Excuse me? Who's the one that practices Satanism with a Pixy Stix?

Hero: You what??

Radium: What- The fuck?!

Lancylance: but that's lit tho

Pidgeotto: Step ur game up cowards.

Casberger: And you didn't fuckin' invite me??

HunkyDory: Pixy,,, stix,,,,, I just- I can't omg

White[youalways]Lion: Oh? OH??? Who's the one who's been to numerous NSFW cosplay conventions HMM?

Casberger: Wigs fLYING

GorgeousMan: Oh, don't be evil with me!

Lancylance: WHAT- WHERE??

Hero: Lance-

White[youalways]Lion: Too late!

Pidgeotto: Dear god- Allura pls air that dirty laundry somewhere else, I think I have bleach in my eyes- I NEED some in my eyes

Lancylance: for- for scientific purposes i promise

White[youalways]Lion: Hehe~

GorgeousMan: You are a vile child, I will see you in the ring in Hell.

Radium: Ibuprofen alone is not enough to handle this group chat rn.

White[youalways]Lion: Catch me outside how bout dat-

HunkyDory: Don't start another fight in here again!!!

GorgeousMan: Yes... That court hearing above surely does hold up as such.

Hero: It was basically a detailed scene of- STOP you've violated the law!

Pidgeotto: It's been too long since I've seen a good brawl

HunkyDory: I'm just warming up!

White[youalways]Lion: U PATHETIC WORM-

GorgeousMan: Ahem.

Hero: Go ahead Coran

GorgeousMan: Yeet!

White[youalways]Lion: Wow...

Lancylance: this one is going into my literary masterpiece gallery

GorgeousMan: Ty, ty.

Casberger: Gotta stay relevant somehow

GorgeousMan: Exactly!

[Tuesday, 10:43 PM]  
White[youalways]Lion has added Romellow to the chat.

Romellow: psst,,, pssssst,,, guys,,,,,

GorgeousMan: Yes?

Lancylance: wazzup

Romellow: is H*nk still after me?

Lancylance: H*nk lMAO

Romellow: yeus~

GorgeousMan: No, I don't believe I've seen H*nk lately.

Lancylance: but nah probably not

Romellow: Okay good then! I can come out of hiding!!!

Casberger: So- about that pixy stix Satanism

Romellow: h  
Romellow: What about it- I'm an adult! I know what I'm doing!!!

Lancylance: pfft-

GorgeousMan: Mmhmm.

Casberger: Yea but u didn't invite me.

Romellow: Hush Coran

GorgeousMan: Haven't said a word.

Romellow: U cannot have everything in life Keef

Casberger: See if I ever make u the family peach cobbler again

Romellow: Oof- that does put me in between a rock and a hard place

Casberger: Maybe an arrangement could be made,,,

Romellow: Alright,,,,,

Lancylance: am i actually watching a crossroads deal going down rn

Casberger: >_>

Romellow: <_<

Lancylance: oml

Casberger: Let us take this "totally not a demon pack" discussion to our dms

Romellow: Yes- let's

Lancylance: say hi to John Winchester for me while y'all down there

GorgeousMan: Did he not escape in season two?

Casberger: no  
Casberger: 🔪🔪🔪

Lancylance: [***JOHN STANS DNI***] 🤢🤢

Romellow: jOhN wInChEsTeR wEnT tO hEaVeN my BUTT

GorgeousMan: Alright then- I see I've hit a sore spot!

Casberger: Darn tootin

Romellow: nooo. what makes u say that.

Lancylance: lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best chapter but I think it does well enough for now. I had trouble trying to tie together the courtroom scene and it ran for longer than I expected, so yea- Happy tenth update to me!
> 
> Also, I've gone and retouched all the previous chapters, so that characterization is more compelling & consistent and the structure of the fic is much more accessible now. Tho nothing important story-wise has changed, so if u don't feel like rereading then u won't have to bother, but I wanted to at least notify y'all! 
> 
> Until we meet again  
> Don't know when; don't know where  
> Some sunn~y day  
> uwu

**Author's Note:**

> You can read each chapter a week early on my [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/story/172962728-voltron-the-chat-of-me-my-friends)!
> 
> And if you have a Tumblr, I'm [AphTeavana](https://aphteavana.tumblr.com/)


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